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whew !!!

IN THIS ISSUE

• Jack Peaker wonders where all the great stars have gone
• Neville Horsfall writes about the ethics involved in the annual seal hunt
• Don Henderson sends another brief report on their winter holiday
• We receive an interesting letter from an Australian poet
• Steven Wright sees life differently than most of us
• Gerrit de Leeuw forwards a story about a Newfie driver
• Bruce Galway shares a tip for changing type sizes on your screen
• Burke Dykes tells the story of the blonde who went ice fishing
• I hope you can see this winning photo forwarded by Barbara Wear
• Tom Williamson reveals the reason for why men act the way they do
• Bruce suggests an interesting site for golfers

ED. NOTE: This issue is late because my server balked at sending it at midnight as usual. I´m keeping my fingers crossed that it will go this time. If this ever happens again, you can check Jay´s website to see if it is there. He has a new url: http://members.shaw.ca/vjsansum/index.htm

Jack Peaker contemplates

THOSE HOLLYWOOD STARS

Where have all those handsome he-men actors and those beautiful, glamorous actresses gone? It is true they are deceased, but why are today´s Hollywood stars so lacking?

Have you seen movies such as "Titanic" or "Aviator"?

The star, Leonardo DiCaprio, looks almost girlish, compared to greats of the past. The popular Brad Pitt looks effeminate, as does Johnny Depp. Both are good looking by today´s standards, but they will never be remembered as will those true he men like Clark Gable, Errol Flynn, Gary Cooper, Gregory Peck, Lee Marvin, Victor Mature, Robert Taylor, Humphrey Bogart, John Wayne, Alan Ladd, and many others.

Did you see the movie "Erin Brochovich"? I enjoyed it. Julia Roberts is a fine actress, but not as beautiful or glamorous as stars like Hedy Lamarr, Marilyn Monroe, Rita Hayworth, Jane Russell, Joan Crawford, Lana Turner, Betty Grable, and Gene Tierney, whose beauty does not appear to be duplicated in today´s movies.

Screen veteran Lauren Bacall, widow of Humphrey Bogart, has launched another attack on today´s actresses, accusing them of being skinny, talentless, and money-obsessed women who sacrifice everything for fame.

The 80-year-old star insists she´s glad she put her movie career on hold to marry actor Humphrey Bogart, because her generation believed family and happiness were more important than the ruthless quest for money and celebrity status.

And she fears movie star status has been cheapened by the influx of talentless women who win film roles because they´re thin and attractive.

She complains, "I put my career in second place throughout both my marriages and it suffered. I don´t regret it. You make choices.

"If you want a good marriage, you must pay attention to that. If you want to be independent, go ahead. You can´t have it all.

"Today, women with minuscule talent are willing to sacrifice everything for their careers. Actors today go into TV, which I don´t consider has a lot to do with acting. They only think of stardom. If you photograph well, that´s enough.

"I have a terrible time distinguishing one from another. Girls wear their hair the same, and are much too anorexic-looking."

Which of today´s Oscar winning actresses is Lauren referring to? Nicole Kidman, Catherine Zeta Jones, Gweneth Paltrow, Halle Berry, Salma Hyek, Susan Sarandon, Charlize Therron, Scarlett Johannsen.

Lauren goes on to say: "Male stars today are not the same stature as Bogie, James Cagney, Spencer Tracy, Henry Fonda, and Jimmy Stewart."

Many Seniors tend to agree with Lauren. Do you?

Ed. Note: Jack and I would love to hear your opinions.

Following a discussion in a seniors´ online group, Nevil Horsfall wrote the following opinion about

THE ETHICS OF KILLING ANIMALS

The discussion began with the story about Paul McCartney and his wife protesting the yearly seal hunt in Canada, and progressed through the killing of animals for food. Nevil wrote:

I don´t think these issues are related. The killing of animals for food, in a manner that is controlled by law, and under government supervision to minimize trauma to the animals, is one thing (and God knows, it isn´t done half as well as it should be in Canada). The baby seals are killed to provide skins, mainly to China these days, to make toys and kitchie table decorations. The manner of the killing can hardly be called humane or controlled, and brutalizes the killers about as much as it does the victims.

The issue that the seals have destroyed the cod stocks is discredited these days. The damage was done by overfishing by foreign and domestic fishing fleets, and that continues to be the problem in getting the fish stocks replenished.

I am also against such practices as the selling of hunting licences in, for example, Zimbabwe to foreign hunters ... $40 for a lion, $2000 for an elephant, and so on. Such killing serves no meaningful purpose, just the gratification of the killer. Those who want such vacuous thrills should join the army, where there would be plenty of "game," although it often fires back.

Ed. Note: Here in B.C. you can buy permission to kill grizzlies or other wild game. Supposedly there are only so many of these licenses sold each year, but environmentalists claim the numbers are endangering the species.

Don Henderson and his wife, Yvonne, have left Portugal and now are in

MERRIE OLD ENGLAND

Hello from the Sceptered Isle, where the exit doors are very upset all the time. The sign on them says: "THIS DOOR IS ALARMED"

Sunny, snowy, rainy, windy, all at the same time; perfect English weather.

Our daughter has rearranged her whole house, so we have room to sleep. Even with their extensive renovations and addition, it´s still not large by Canadian standards.

Portugal was fun, but not, we think, worth another trip in the future. Experiencing life in all its forms is what it´s all about and we are glad we went. When it was sunny it was lovely, but there was too much rain and wind and cool temperaturess.

We saw small towns and large, mountains and the sea, ate large quantities of fish, and amazed the Portugese people with our command of their language.

LETTER FROM AUSTRALIA

regarding the poem "Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep":

The internet is responsible for perpetuating a giant lie regarding this poem, in claiming that it was composed by Mary Frye.

I wrote and widely distributed the poem many years ago (not 70), only to find in the past few years that an American radio station started the rumour. If I had been aware of the story at the time, we would not have the 1.4 million sites on the internet regarding the poem.

Many poetry sites also doubt Mary and the radio station´s claim.

It was always intended to be and will remain as authored by "Anon".

ED. NOTE: One of the sites about the poem says it was "almost certainly" composed by Mary Frye. According to this report, "The mystery seems first to have been solved when the poem was categorically attributed to Mary Frye in 1998, following research by Abigail Van Buren, aka Jeanne Phillips, a widely syndicated American newspaper columnist, whose ´Dear Abby´ column seems to have directly communicated with Mary Frye concerning original authorship of the poem."

HUMOUR OF STEVEN WRIGHT

If you´re not familiar with the works of Steven Wright, he´s the famous stand-up comic who once said: "I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen ... and replaced by exact duplicates!" His mind tends to see things a bit differently than the rest of us mortals. Here are some of his gems:

1- I´d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2- Borrow money from pessimists - they don´t expect it back.

3- Half the people you know are below average.

4- 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5- 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8- If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.

9- All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

10- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

11- I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.

12- OK, so what´s the speed of dark?

13- How do you tell when you´re out of invisible ink?

14- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

15- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16- When everything is coming your way, you´re in the wrong lane.

17- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

18- Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

19- I intend to live forever; so far, so good.

20- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

21- Eagles may soar, but weasels don´t get sucked into jet engines.

22- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

23- My mechanic told me, "I couldn´t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

24- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

25- If at first you don´t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

26- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

27- Experience is something you don´t get until just after you need it.

28- The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

29- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

30- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

31- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you´ll have to catch up.

32- The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

33- Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don´t have film.

34- If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

Gerrit de Leeuw claims Newfies should not be allowed to drink and drive:

NEWFIE DRIVER

A Newfie, let´s call him Wally, is driving home after downing a few at the local pub. He turns a corner and much to his horror, he sees a tree in the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid it and almost too late realizes that there is yet another tree directly in his path.

He swerves again and discovers that his drive home has turned into a slalom course, causing him to veer from side to side to avoid all the trees.

Moments later he hears the sound of a police siren and brings his car to a stop. The officer approaches Wally´s car and asks him what on earth he was doing.

Wally tells his story of the trees in the road when the officer stops him mid sentence and says, "Fer Pete sakes, Wally, that´s yer air freshener!"

Bruce Galway sends the story of

THE GENIE ON MALIBU BEACH

A man was walking along the beach at Malibu when he found a bottle. He looked around and didn´t see anyone so he opened it.

A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The genie said, "For your kindness I will grant you one wish, but only one...."

The man thought for a minute and said, "I have always wanted to go to Hawaii but have never been able to because I´m afraid of flying and ships make me claustrophobic and ill. So I wish for a bridge to be built from here to Hawaii."

The genie thought for a few minutes and said, "No, I don´t think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved with the pilings needed to hold up the highway and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement that would be needed.

"No, that is just too much to ask."

The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, "There is one other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why are they temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with? Basically, what makes them tick?"

The genie considered for a few minutes and said, "So, do you want two lanes or four?

Bruce Galway forwards this tip on

ENLARGING TYPE

This little tip might save a lot of squinting at the screen. It works great and is simple to remember. It´s very useful when trying to read small print (especially in the early hours). If you hold down the Ctrl key on your keyboard and then turn the small wheel in the middle of your mouse away from you or towards you, the print size will change - it will either get larger or smaller, depending on which way you turn the wheel.

It works on e-mail also!

Burke Dykes tells this story:

THE BLONDE GOES ICE FISHING

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She´d seen many books on the subject, and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice.

After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed,

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the heavens the voice bellowed,

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

The blonde, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite end of the ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her hole.

The voice came once more, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "Is that you, Lord?"

The voice replied,

"NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK."

From Barbara Wear comes yet another

WINNING WILDLIFE PHOTOGRAPH

Victor S. Lamoureux, of Vestal, New York, a high school biology teacher, was another winner in the National Wildlife´s 35th annual photo contest. He knows frogs, so when he went frog-watching with his son and niece at a nearby pond and spotted two male green frogs clinging to each other, he knew it was something unusual. "Then my son said, ´Dad, Dad, look - there are three frogs!´" says Lamoureux. As it turned out, there actually were four: three males in a conga line behind one put-upon female. Lamoureux raced back to his house with the kids in tow, and returned to take this digital image with a 180mm macro lens.

Ed. Note: I hope this picture is better than the one of the owl, which I had not converted to a .jpg. If you can´t see it in the e-mail edition, check Jay´s website. It has a new url: mark this in your favourites: http://members.shaw.ca/vjsansum/index.htm

Tom Williamson forwards this public service message for women to better understand men:

BECAUSE I AM A MAN ...

Because I´m a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling AAA is not an option. I will win.

Because I´m a man, when the car isn´t running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I´m looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn´t know where to start." We will then drink a couple of beers and break wind, as a form of holy communion.

Because I´m a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You´re a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.

Because I´m a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.

Because I´m a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

Because I´m a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it ... though at one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator. (Applies to engineers mainly.)

Because I´m a man, there is no need to ask me what I´m thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports, or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don´t ask.

Because I´m a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother´s Day is okay; I don´t need to see it. And don´t forget to pick up something for my mother, too.

Because I´m a man, you don´t have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you´re crying at the end of it, I didn´t ... and if you are feeling amorous afterwards ... then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.

Because I´m a man, I think what you´re wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

Because I´m a man, and this is, after all, the year 2006, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I´ll do the rest ... like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.

THIS WEEK´S SUGGESTED SITES

Bruce Galway recommends this site for golfers:

This is fun. If you select a wrong answer, the ball stops and you are charged with one stroke. Select the right answer and the ball continues to the hole.

http://www.cincinnati.com/golf/golfquiz/html/brand.htm

And here is a scary site to check out:

http://www.adcritic.com/interactive/view.php?id=5927

"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you donacute;t mind, it doesnacute;t matter."