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whew !!!

IN THIS ISSUE

• Jack Peaker concludes his ratings of the big band leaders
• Bill Murphy points out an error in the account of Artie Shaw´s life
• Stan French forwards a letter about the Oshkosh air show
• Verda Cook writes about trees in different environments
• Geoff Goodship is hoping to become an Olympic champion
• Don Henderson is finding retirement a full-time job
• Marilyn Magid tells how the Jews got the Ten Commandments
• Miriam Ockenden´s story stresses the importance of $10
• Catherine Green and Jack Peaker recommend a variety of websites

Jack Peaker concludes his assessment of the merits of the maestros of

THE BIG BANDS

Number 7: Count Basie. Vocalists Helen Humes and Thelma Carpenter and deep-voiced baritone Jimmy Rushing did the singing for the Count.

His tremendous stride style, utterly controlled piano were in full flower and perfect balance. His theme song, ´One O´Clock Jump,´ closed many jam sessions, well after midnight. Lester Young´s tenor sax, along with that of Coleman Hawkin, helped form the background for songs like ´Lady Be Good.´ Rushing´s vocal on ´Good Morning Blues´ redeemed the somewhat silly attempt at ´Boo Hoo.´

One of the greatest bands ever, with surprisingly high fidelity, allowed Count Basie to attract the great vocalists. Ella Fitzgeral´s ´Honeysuckle Rose,´ Joe William´s ´April in Paris,´ and Billie Eckstine´s ´Don´t Cry, Baby,´ are examples of recordings still enjoyed in jazz circles today.

Number 8: Benny Goodman. The "King Of Swing", Benny was a difficult boss and his girl vocalists (canaries) came and went. Helen Ward was followed by Martha Tilton, then Peggy Lee sang in front of Benny´s licorice stick (clarinet), and went on to become one of the greatest vocalists.

He began with Tommy, then Jimmy Dorsey, before putting together his own band in 1934. He had Bunny Berigan (´I Can´t Get Started with You´) on trumpet, Jess Stacey on piano, and Gene Krupa on drums, and with arrangements by Fletcher Hendersen, the "swing era" was born.

Biggest-selling records included ´Why Don´t You Do Right,´ ´Let´s Dance,´ ´After You´ve Gone,´ ´Jersey Bounce,´ and ´Sing, Sing, Sing.´ His band was promoted by talent scout John Hammond, who discovered many of the greats, such as Billie Holiday. Benny was married to his sister Alice.

Number 9: Harry James. The last Big Band I had the pleasure of seeing was led by this trumpet-playing star, born in Alabama, Georgia, in 1916. He started with Ben Pollack in 1935, went to Benny Goodman in 1937, and started his own band in 1938.

His best known vocalists included Dick Haymes, Frank Sinatra, Doris Day, Kitty Kalen, Buddy DeVito, and last but not least, Helen Forrest. His 75 "top twenty" hits included ´I Don´t Want to Walk Without You,´ ´I´m Beginning to See the Light,´ ´I had the Craziest Deam,´ and ´It´s Been a Long, Long time.´

In July 1943 Harry married Betty Grable, the pin-up girl of the armed forces, following the filming of "Springtime In The Rockies". That movie was so popular that it made Ripley´s "Believe It Or Not" column by running for 15 years at a theatre in Scotland.

Helen Forrest (six gold records, sold over a million each, while singing with Harry) was devastated. She had been engaged to the "Man with the Horn", yet Harry chose Betty over her. (Betty´s legs were insured for 1 million dollars with Lloyd´s of London). This caused Helen to try to commit suicide, and two band members pulled her off the window sill of the hotel. It was after that she recorded some of her top sellers. Her grief put extra feeling in to ballads such as ´It Had to Be You´ and ´I´m Nobody´s Baby.´ They helped her achieve the reputation of "the finest white vocalist of her day". Her rise to fame began when she replaced Billie Holiday in Artie Shaw´s Big Band.

Number 10: Bob Crosby and his Bob Cats. For 60 years, beginning in 1937, they set the style for Chicago-style jazz, until Bob´s passing in 1993.

Bob was the vocalist, and a good one. Such ballads as ´Blue Orchids,´ when vocalized by him, sounded as good as if sung by his famous brother, Bing. ´Muskrat Ramble,´ ´Big Noise from Winnetka´ and ´The World Is Waiting for the Sunrise´ were other numbers that permitted Bob to prove he could compete with his illustrious brother. Bing sometimes sat in with the Bob Cats and harmonized with Bob.

Other Big Bands: Some Seniors may feel that some of the following should have been included somewhere among the top 10: Claude Thornhill, Charley Barnet, Les Brown, Lionel Hampton, Ina Ray Hutton´s all-girl orchestra, (all five came close to being number 10), Guy Lombardo, Hal McIntyre, Chick Webb, Kaye Kayser, Louis Armstrong, Freddy Martin, Charley Spivak, Erskine Hawkins, Jimmy Lunceford, Stan Kenton, Ray Noble, Lawrence Welk, Spike Jones, Ted Heath (from England), and other Big Band leaders.

CORRESPONDENCE

Bill Murphy writes:

The author of ´Forever Amber´ was a lady named Kathleen Winsor, who indeed became the wife of Artie Shaw. Wikipedia says she was the sixth wife, and I believe the eighth and last was Evelyn Keyes, whom Shaw divorced in 1985.

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Stan French writes: Our son and his family lived in Portage, WI, for a few years after our daughter-in-law completed medical school in Newfoundland. Paul wrote about the

OSHKOSH AIR SHOW

I attended the Oshkosh air show the summer before we moved back. Portage use to send three or four busloads of locals and half a busload of people who had flown in. We went by car.

Jacob and I got into a B17.

The RAF and the RCAF are always there, and often they give seminars to the public. I tried to get into a couple; one was full, the other I was late for. I was told that they also have closed-door events that involve the USA air force and the air forces of other nations. These are informal events not on the program and are closed to the public. I learned of these events from a friend of mine who is retired US Airforce who attends every year. He is always a big draw because he used to fly the U2 spy planes over the USSR. He always flew to the event. He once told me if he couldn´t fly there, he wouldn´t go. He also owns four planes.

It is easily the biggest and best air show that I have ever seen.

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I MISS THE FLAMING MAPLES OF EASTERN CANADA

Verda Cook and I were discussing the differences in the trees of Ontario and BC. I had mentioned that the imported eastern maples were already turning colour, and that I missed the flaming reds of the Ontario forests. In reply, she wrote:

I understand your wish for more colour. Yellow does become very monotonous/boring. Our youngest son and family live in Calgary. Our visits to Alberta have usually been in late August to mid-September. We were always glad when we returned to the more southern regions and left the "yellow" scenery behind us.

Our son complained bitterly one year about missing the red colour. We browsed through several nurseries and a botanical garden located just outside Calgary and discovered a maple being sold which has brilliant red foliage in the fall. Shortly after, we discovered a neighbour behind their house had such a tree in their back yard. It is the Amur maple.

Last year, our son enthusiastically purchased and planted an Amur maple in the backyard of their newer home in a different neighbourhood. This spring it was barely alive, the late frosts having taken their toll. I suspect they are more exposed to weather in the neighbourhood on the hill than where they were in the valley.

There are some Douglas fir seen here occasionally, but these are special imports for specific landscapes in parks. We have cottonwoods and the white fluff in late spring sometimes appears like snowdrifts on the sidewalks beside the green grass. In Calgary, and also in Saskatoon where my Aunt and Uncle live, lindens are fairly common. Lindens also grow in southern Ontario.

In a lot of respects, because of the specific area we live in (surrounded by five great lakes), the spring, summer and autumn seasonal weather is similar to the Vancouver area. If the summers are very hot (as it was this year), the lakes become very warm and are not likely to freeze over. In that case, our winter temperatures will be much milder, but we will have more snow because the cold winds moving over the waters from the US Mid-West into southern Ontario will produce a lot of precipitation when they meet the warm waters of the lake. Or it could result in a lot of ice storms (it has happened in the past). Perhaps this year, once again, I will find the primula blooming in January.

You have heather which will bloom and survive year round, as well as genista. These are not reliable in southern Ontario. But from your azaleas and rhododendrons we have developed hardier varieties which will survive nicely in sheltered locations. Magnolias are beautiful and we admire them in bloom each spring.

This is a repeat of Geoff Goodship´s account of his aspiratios to fame in an unusual arena:

OLYMPIC TOMATO GROWING

My wife Freddie is the better correspondent in our family. She writes wonderful letters to friends with great descriptions of our summer activities. Several well-meaning friends have discreetly drawn to my attention that her letters contain descriptions of her trials and tribulations with tomatoes at this time of year. Some even have the nerve to suggest that for the good of our marriage I should give up growing tomatoes. Imagine!

It´s true that Fred´s letters describe at great length the many things she makes with tomatoes: several kinds of relish, pasta sauce, salsa, tomato soup, and of course, huge quantities of just plain bottled whole tomatoes. You get the picture. There she is, hour after hour, 3-4 days a week, slaving away in the kitchen, knee deep in a pile of over-ripe tomatoes. Her brow drips with perspiration and her cheeks are smeared with tomato sauce. It´s no wonder our friends are telling me to back off on the tomatoes.

What friends don´t understand is the fact that growing tomatoes is part of my long-held and cherished dreams of becoming an Olympian. Yes, my dream is to become the first Champion Olympic Tomato Grower.

I know it sounds ridiculous but consider how the Olympic events have evolved over the years, and consider how ridiculous the Ancient Greeks would have viewed such events as ice dancing, bob sled, bridge, and the 900 different kinds of swim races. There are a great many more people involved in growing tomatoes than in pairs tower diving and hammer toss.

In my youth I had no idea growing tomatoes would become such a passion. I´m certain it was my Dad who got me started. He was a wonderful gardener and grew fine tomatoes. I can still recall the day in the garden when I needed to pee. I was five at the time. "Aim right here," he said, pointing to the ground beneath a tomato plant. That plant grew to exceed all the rest in size and production. Of course as a five-year-old I didn´t make the connection. It was many years later that this phenomenon was revisited and I´ve capitalized on it ever since.

Of course there are many other factors that contribute to Olympic competitive tomato growing: seed, for example. I used to grow a variety called twelve-ten. They produce 12 plants that grow 10 feet high. They reqired a ladder, so in recent years I´ve switched to twelve-six. I plant twelve seeds that each grow six feet tall, yielding precisely seventy-two feet of tomatoes. To reach Olympic standard you must average 4.2 kilos (about nine and a quarter pounds) of tomatoes per foot, which explains why Fred makes so many different things with tomatoes.

The selection of seeds with Olympic potential is a unique blend of modern bioethical science and ancient, mystic arts handed down through the centuries. I´ve been in training seriously for several years now. My training regime involves early rising, and many cups of coffee - a secret blend. I do warm-up exercises with chanting in the predawn light. I trust you won´t mind if don´t go into details. Many Olympic athletes will not reveal the secrets of their success.

The germination and nurturing of young Olympic tomato plants is akin to the finest pediatric medicine. And then there is the secret blend of fertilizers. These secrets are more closely guarded than anything the Pentagon or Colonel Saunders have ever achieved.

Although growing tomatoes is not an Olympic event just yet, we are making progress. I was a finalist in the East Vancouver Island tomato-growing challenge this year. I was beaten out by a Greek from Nanaimo. For some reason, Greeks seemed to be favored this year. I´m certain the Greek will never get past the drug test next year. It´s rumored he uses PMU hormone.

Like many other Olympic athletes, I must face the fact that for every champion there are many competitors who will fall by the wayside. Freddie and I are prepared for this. We take consolation in the recent medical discoveries that tomatoes contain vast quantities of Lycopene, which assures why neither of us will get prostate cancer.

Yours in (tomato) sauce.

ED. NOTE: For pictures of Geoff´s prize tomatoes, see the links in his story on Jay´s website: http://members.shaw.ca/vjsansum/

Don Henderson writes: My wife and I live in a seniors´ enclave on the edge of a lovely village, Port Rowan, located on the North shore of Lake Erie. We are a community of 250 homes, with our own clubhouse and facilities. I think ALL seniors wonder how we ever found the time to have a job, since we are always so busy being retired. Our association President expressed our feelings at a recent dinner.

HOW BUSY IS A SENIOR?

Hello Family, how´s it goin´?
Have you missed me since I moved to Port Rowan?
Let me tell you, it´s been hectic.
There´s so much to do I´m nearly apoplectic.

I´ve been shuffling, playing bingo;
I think I´ve finally learned to speak the lingo.
Playing cribbage, it´s confusing.
Carpet bowling nearly sent me back to boozing.

I go swimming, mornings early.
I tried Bunka but it only left me surly.
My crochet project ain´t much better.
My baby blanket started out to be a sweater.

I´m so wired, it´s such hard work to be retired.
This schedule´s nearly killing me,
And if some things I´ve missed, I´m pissed,
There´s no time just for me.

I´m in pain, I´ve done so much my knees are strained.
I haven´t cleaned the house in weeks,
My kitchen is a mess, I´m stressed,
I´d cook, but I´m too weak.

Staying healthy is in style,
On the cycle and the treadmill I´ve done miles.
Lifting weights helps keep me thinner,
But my plans are shot to hell by all these dinners!

I´ve been working on my dancing,
Impressed them all with my aerobic prancing.
Taking photos, gee that´s groovy.
In computer club we download porno movies.

I tried eight ball - those guys scare me.
I´d play bridge but I suspect they don´t play fairly.
Sing in the choir, do tole painting.
I´d join the golf if I could only keep from fainting.

I volunteer on each and every list round here,
Like coffee breaks and landscape too,
Deliver Village Voice, by choice,
I even clean the pool.

It´s torturing me, I´d sleep but I might miss tai chi,
I never get to bed till one.
This leisure time´s a joke, I´m broke,
Whoever called this fun?

Wait a minute, my mind is brewing.
I´ve a great idea that no-one´s thought of doing.
My pressure´s rising, my heart is thumping.
Next summer, let´s all form a club for bungee jumping!

Lyrics by Cathy Furukawa and sung to the tune of Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah

* * *

Marilyn Magid thinks this one should offend just about everyone:

HOW MOSES GOT THE 10 COMMANDMENTS

God went to the Arabs and said, "I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better."

The Arabs asked, "What are Commandments?"

And the Lord said, "They are rules for living."

"Can you give us an example?"

"Thou shall not kill."

"Not kill? We´re not interested."

So He went to the Blacks and said, "I have Commandments."

The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said, "Honor thy Father and Mother."

"Father? We don´t know who our fathers are."

Then He went to the Mexicans and said, "I have Commandments."

The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said, "Thou shall not steal."

"Not steal? We´re not interested."

Then He went to the French and said, "I have Commandments."

The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, "Thou shall not commit adultery."

"Not commit adultery? We´re not interested."

Finally, He went to the Jews and said, "I have Commandments."

"Commandments?" they said, "How much are they?"

"They´re free."

"We´ll take 10."

Miriam Ockenden forwards this story about a small airplane ride:

TEN DOLLARS IS TEN DOLLARS

Fred and his wife Edna went to the fair every year.

Every year Fred would say, "Edna, I´d like to ride in that there airplane." And every year Edna would say, "I know Fred, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

One year Fred and Edna went to the fair and Fred said, "Edna, I´m 71 years old. If I don´t ride that airplane this year, I may never get another chance."

Edna replied, "Fred that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I´ll make you a deal. I´ll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won´t charge you, but if you say one word it´s ten dollars."

Fred and Edna agreed and up they go. The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does all his tricks over again, but still not a word.

They land and the pilot turns to Fred, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn´t."

Fred replied, "Well, I was going to say something when Edna fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."

THIS WEEK´S WEBSITES

Catherine Green says there is no reason to look out for falling goats on Ontario´s roads:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/5322302.stm

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Jack Peaker suggests these websites:

Drawing: http://www.drawspace.com/

Puzzles: http://www.folj.com/folj.com/

Firefox Cheat Sheet: Tmm

Space: http://www.shatters.net/celestia/

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You can also read this newsletter online at http://www.nw-seniorsonline.org/stories.html

History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon.