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IN THIS ISSUE

• Dixie Augusteijn continues her account of a trip to the Far North
• Barbara Wear fondly remembers the best years of her life
• Irene Harvalias has vivid memories of her happiest years
• Zvonko Springer begins the tale of their holidays in the sun
• Rafiki forwards a hot love lette
r
• Burke Dykes tells a fish story
• Gerrit de Leuuw forwards some examples of Jewish humour
• Carol Shoemaker anticipates the headlines of 2036

Dixie Augusteijn is about to embark on a river cruise:

ALASKA/YUKON TRIP

We had reservations for the riverboat cruise. Because I was with my walker, we were taken on board early and given very good seats on the enclosed lower deck with a good view of the riverbanks, and also the TV screen where a narrator - one of the Binkleys - explained what we were seeing. The Chena River had many beautiful homes, not large because of the cost of construction. The remoteness hikes the price up to between $150,000 and $200,000 per 1000 sq. ft. And some of the houses, he said, had more than a mile of logs! There are more planes than cars in Alaska, and many homes had a plane ´parked´ on the river front. At one place, they demonstrated a float plane taking off and landing. There were also planes parked in their back yards as a bush plane only needs 150 ft. To take off and land.

We soon came to the home of Susan Butcher, four-time Iditarod winner, where the boat usually stopped. She had died of cancer and this was the day of her funeral, so the flag was at half mast. Some of her dogs were waiting, but we did not have the usual demonstration of mushing. A short pause and then we went on. At the mouth of the Chena River, the narrator explained how sandbars kept building up from glacial silt shifting down. You have to know your river. [Ed.: This reminds me of Mark Twain´s "Life on the Mississippi."]

There were four different stops on the tour and the next was on wildlife, where they talked of the importance in their life of caribou, moose, and reindeer. We had arrived at the mock Athabascan Indian village and learned that although there are Eskimos and other Indian tribes, the Athabascans predominate. They rely on hunting and fishing, but mainly on salmon, and we had a demonstration of the cleaning, smoking and drying. To catch the salmon they use a fish wheel, which resembles a four-bladed water wheel with two blades attached to baskets; the current moves the wheel, the blades scoop up the fish, and with the wheel turning, dumps them into the baskets. It is such an efficient method its use is strictly regulated.

Then came a talk on the preparing of the skins for use. There were different ways of softening the skin, but this lady said her grandmother used sourdough!

There was a demonstration of dog sleds and mushing with some of Susan Butcher´s dogs. I am not clear yet on how they choose their sled dogs, as contrary to many ideas, they are not all huskies; they are dogs who really love to run, and are treated like the high-class athletes they are. Each one has its own kennel, and for training there is a sort of large merry-go-round, each spoke with a platform and kennel; the dogs can run on this but if they get tired, go on the platform and rest. When running through frozen snow, their feet are protected with light nylon bootees. The dogs obviously love to run, as it was only when he went to hook them up that they grew excited and jumped around. There was no snow but they took off with an old four-wheeler and were soon out of sight. It must be quite a sight when the big races take place and there are several teams competing.

Our last stop was at the home of Dixie Alexander, samples of whose fur and beadwork are in the Smithsonian in Washington. She gave a talk on beadwork, and the use and merits of the different hides and furs in clothing. A girl modelled a magnificent fur parka, with intricate piecing and trimming which, if for sale, would cost thousands.

On the return trip, we saw a couple of beaver busy preparing for the winter. Unlike most beaver behaviour, these had burrowed into the riverbank and once the river freezes over, would be quite secure without all the work of building a dam. That is good reasoning!

Back at the Steamboat Landing, we visited the store where I bought some T-shirts featuring the Northern Lights, and also some cans of a Binkley specialty - smoked salmon mixed with cream cheese. Then it was off to find an RV park near Denali, ready for the tour there the next morning. We had a spectacular sunset with Mt. McKinley in the background but this drive was mostly in the dark. It had been a big day.

To be continued.

Barbara Wear remembers

THE BEST YEARS

The best years of my life were spent along a busy highway with a wooded setting. The children, all five boys, were young at the time. My husband ran a small auto salvage business and boys being boys, they loved to play in those old junk cars, especially looking for money that had been dropped behind the seats. They had time for catching frogs and snakes and running their mini bikes over made-up barriers. Their walk to school down a long dirt road was made alive with their laughter and sharing of things they found along the way. That dirt road was where all the boys learned to drive ... practising on some of those junk cars.

They had healthy appetites and could eat anything and everything I put on the table ... except my meatloaf. They still remind me today how bad it was.

They had their share of scrapes and bruises, and sometimes I felt I had a straight line to the hospital. We had dogs and cats and rabbits and deer. Life was always busy and full.

If I had to live my life over again, those are the times I would like to live, for those are the years I cherish and they will remain in my heart forever.

Irene Harvalias remembers

THE BEST YEARS OF MY LIFE

I had just been through WWII and the Greek Civil War. Nobody in my family had been hurt, even though I´d had five uncles go to the North to fight against the Italians, and my step-father had been sent to a prisoner-of-war camp in El Daba for over a year during the civil war.

My mother´s sister - my favourite aunt - had left Greece and had settled in Santa Monica. I missed her a lot and wished I could be closer to her. And then the letter came. My aunt, uncle and cousin were moving to Vancouver, B.C., and they would very much like it if I joined them so I could go to school there. My mother wasn´t too keen on the idea, but my father decided that this was an opportunity not to be missed, so it looked as if my wish was going to come true.

A month short of my fourteenth birthday, I embarked on one of my uncle´s cargo ships and was off on my big adventure. The captain´s wife was traveling with him, so it was safe for me to be on a ship full of men.

The trip was an adventure in itself. We left Piraeus and went to Mykonos for something which at this point I don´t remember. Then, on to Thessaloniki. There, we went on shore. The captain´s wife, Fanoula, was a great shopper and everywhere we could step off the ship for three minutes, we hit the shops.

The next stop was Egypt. We were there for a couple of days, and we went to a nightclub where Edith Piaff was singing. Because I was under age, we had to sit in the gods, but it was quite an evening. After that, we stopped in Genoa, where we took on a couple of dozen Italians who were immigrating to Venezuela. The crew had been busy since we left Greece, building cabins for the "passengers".

After we left Genoa, we crossed the Atlantic for an endless time, and although we were heading for Caracas, at the last minute we had to change and went to Puerto Cabello. More walking around, and more shopping for Fanoula. This was an eye-opener for me. The port was SO filthy! There were enormous flying cockroaches that you could actually hear landing…there were little children sitting naked in the dirty streets with flies all over their faces; and they had to put huge metal discs on the ropes tying us to the shore so the rats wouldn´t climb onboard!

The next big thrill was the passage through the Panama Canal. I had never seen so many really black people in my life. Some of them were so black they looked purple. And crossing the canal was truly incredible!

By the time we hit the Pacific, my beloved aunt was only days away. We arrived at San Pedro, and there they all were, waiting for me! I was SO excited to see them all. We left the ship and I went with them to their house in Santa Monica, where we stayed for a few days. My aunt took me shopping as I had grown so much on the ship that nothing fitted me any more, and I also got a haircut. We saw my mother´s brother and his family, who were also staying in Los Angeles, and that was wonderful too, as he was married to my second most favourite aunt. And I saw my other little cousins. One I hadn´t even met before as he was born in the States.

A few days later, the whole family got on board the ship, and we all left for Vancouver. With only a short stop in Tacoma, we passed under the Lions´ Gate bridge, and here we were! The trip had taken two months less a day.

To be concluded.

Zvonko Springer writes about

WARMING UP HOLIDAYS ON THE KENYA´S COAST

Many times I have told you about our "warming up" holidays. For the past 10 years or so we have spendt our vacation on the South Coast of Mombasa (Kenya), whereas before we went to the North Coast when we lived there. I never told you about our vacation of nearly three weeks that were spent in the later half of January. It is the best time for retired people to get away from the cold climate that dominates Oak Hill (in Austria), which includes some heavy snow shovelling. However, this nasty business waits for us on our return, when most snows fall in February of past years. However, the prospects for spring are better in February than when we leave.

We make the preliminary booking in July with Meier´s Weltreisen (MWR), our standard tour operator. MWR has a limited number of reserved rooms at the Leisure Lodge Resort Hotel & Golf Club. We have learned that a preliminary booking gets us a favourable choice of room. Next we reserve the leg-free seats on LTU Charter carrier. The whole procedure almost became a routine after we learned the hard way how to get the desired booking. We get the final booking by September.

The checking-in at the airport goes fast as we have reserved seats, though we have to add extra time for Ljiljana´s luggage to be handled. On our last trip she had three travel bags containing donations (some 750 spectacles and children´s toys) weighing about 30kg. Ljiljana takes these gifts to our good friend, Dr. Helen E. Roberts, MBE, MBChB etc., Medical Director of the Kwale District Eye Centre. [For more about this, please read my web-page titled "KwaleDistrict".]

The non-stop flight to Mombasa lasts about eight hours. Dinner is served shortly after take-off and for the next four hours we try to sleep or listen to music or watch a movie. The first daylight appears on the left side of the aircraft about 5 a.m. We can recognize the desert region of North Kenya at first. Soon the silhouette of Mt. Kenya shows up with the background of a rising sun. Shortly after, the aircraft turns eastwards near Nairobi and Mt. Kilimanjaro comes into sight on the right side. Despite the air-conditioning, passengers start peeling off their warm clothes in expectation of the warmer weather after the landing. We are all coming out from the cold! The humidity of 80%+ hits you the moment you leave the aircraft cabin.

Once we hand in the passport cum entry and exit filled-in forms as well as Euro 40 (or US$50) to obtain the entry visa, we begin the tedious wait at the luggage carousel. We finally get our eight pieces of luggage stacked on two trolleys and push them toward one of the four custom checkpoints. Ljiljana tries to find an amiable looking officer, and starts a conversation in Swahili explaining why we have so much luggage. Of course, the officer checks one of the largest travel bags. Seeing toys for children and well-packed spectacles, he seems to be pleased with Ljiljana´s charity endeavours. Gratefully he accept a pair of dark sunglasses that my wife keeps ready for such occasions.

Sooner or later we get out of the terminal building and need only to find the bus hired by our tour operator that will take us to our hotel. The bus stands between a dozen others where its driver recognizes us as his well-known "mzee rafiki" (old friends). Ljiljana oversees the placing of the suitcases on the roof and ensures our bags with spectacles are brought in and placed near the driver´s seat. When all the booked passengers are aboard, the driver distributes half-litre bottles of tepid water to thirsty passengers before staring the rather long ride to the South Coast of Mombasa.

To be continued.

Rafiki forwards this timely

LOVE STORY

I will seek and find you.
I will take you to bed and have my way with you.
I will make you ache, shake and sweat until you moan and groan.
I will make you beg for mercy, beg me to stop.
I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I´m finished with you.
And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.

All my love,

The Flu

Burke Dykes forwards this story about

THE PET FISH

A redneck was stopped by a game warden in Arkansas recently with two ice chests full of fish. He was leaving a cove well known for its fishing.

The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

"Naw, sir", replied the redneck. "I ain´t got none of them there licenses. You must understand, these here are my pet fish."

"Pet fish?"

"Yeah. Every night, I take these here fish down to the lake and let ´em swim ´round for awhile. Then, when I whistle, they jump right back into these here ice chests and I take ´em home."

"That´s a bunch of hooey! Fish can´t do that."

The redneck looked at the warden for a moment and then said, "It´s the truth, Mr. Government Man. I´ll show ya. It really works."

"O. K.", said the warden. "I´ve got to see this!"

The redneck poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited. After several minutes, the warden says, "Well?"

"Well, what?" says the redneck.

The warden says, "When are you going to call them back?"

"Call who back?"

"The FISH!" replied the warden.

"What fish?" replied the redneck.

Moral of the story: We may not be as smart as some city slickers, but we ain´t as dumb as some government employees!

Gerrit de Leeuw sends these examples of

JEWISH HUMOUR

1. Sign on Synagogue Bulletin Board: Under same management for over 5763 years.

2. Don´t give up. Moses was once a basket case.

3. What part of "Thou shalt not" don´t you understand?

4. Synagogue committees should be made up of three members, two of whom should be absent at every meeting.

5. Sign over the urinal in a bathroom at Hebrew University: "The future of the Jewish people is in your hands."

6. My mother is a typical Jewish mother. Once she was on jury duty. They sent her home. She insisted SHE was guilty.

7. Any time a person goes into a delicatessen store and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

8. It was mealtime during a flight on El Al. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked Moshe. "What are my choices?" Moshe asked. "Yes or no," she replied.

9. An elderly Jewish man is knocked down by a car and is brought to the local hospital. A pretty nurse tucks him into bed and says, "Mr. Brill, are you comfortable?" Mr. Brill replies, "I make a nice living...."

10. A rabbi was opening his mail one morning. Taking a single sheet of paper from an envelope, he found written on it only one word: "Shmuck." At the next Friday night service, the Rabbi announced, "I have known many people who have written letters and forgot to sign their names, but this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name ... and forgot to write a letter."

11. Three Jewish women get together for lunch. As they are being seated in the restaurant, one takes a deep breath and gives a long, slow "Oy." The second takes a deep breath as well and lets out a long, slow "Oy." The third takes a deep breath and says impatiently, "Girls, I thought we agreed that we weren´t going to talk about our children."

12. And one final favorite: A waiter comes over to a table full of Jewish women and asks, "Is anything all right?"

WEDDING VOWS

During his wedding rehearsal, the groom approached his pastor with an unusual offer. "I´ll give you $100 if you´ll change the wedding vows, and leave out the ´love, honor, obey, and forsake all others´ part." He pressed a $100 bill in the pastor´s hand and walked away with a satisfied smile.

On the day of the wedding, the groom was feeling pretty pleased when the pastor got to the part where the vows are exchanged.

The pastor looked him in the eye and asked, "Will you promise to bow before her, obey whatever command she gives, fulfill her every wish, serve her breakfast each morning, and swear before God that you´ll not look at another woman as long as you both shall life?"

The groom gulped and looked astonished, but he finally said "Yes" in a tiny voice. He then leaned in toward the pastor and whispered, "I thought we had a deal!"

The pastor pressed the $100 bill back into his hand and whispered in return, "She made me a much better offer."

Carol Shoemaker anticipates these

NEWSPAPER HEADLINES IN THE YEAR 2036

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California.

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as California´s third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally.... Scientists stumped.

Authentic year 2000 "chad" sells at Sotheby´s for $4.6 million.

Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

35-year-study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Texas executes last remaining citizen.

Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on the use of mutants.

Average height of NBA players now is nine feet, seven inches.

Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers and baseball bats must be registered by January 2036.

You can also read this newsletter online at http://members.shaw.ca/vjsansum/ and http://www.nw-seniorsonline.org/stories.html

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. - Margaret Mead