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IN THIS ISSUE

• Les Davison continues his account of his experiences in Arnhem
• Matthew Swanston concludes his argument for support for amateur sports
• Dick Monaghan thinks we should simplify our lives
• Jay sends some famous last words
• Gerrit de Leeuw forwards Alberta research about last words
• Jack Peaker sends a copy of an enthusiastic testimonial
• Don Henderson and Stanley Cook suggest interesting websites

Les Davison is trying to get his patients to hospital in Arnhem in this instalment of his

WARTIME MEMORIES

I went upstairs to the main floor to discover that the occupants of the house had decamped, not surprising considering what was going on all around them, and went outside to see what was what. I discovered to my delight that we were in complete control of the surrounding area and immediately made my way to the hospital. There I found the senior medical officer and informed him of my situation. He said that everybody there was too busy to help and would I find some means of getting my charges to the hospital.

Upon arriving back at the house, I couldn't believe my eyes. There, sitting right outside the front door, was a jeep with nobody in it, and in addition, it had two collapsible stretchers stowed in the rear. Obviously it was a jeep that belonged to one of the field ambulances. I got in the driver's seat and tried the starter. No joy, and decided that the distributor arm had been removed. This was the only way of immobilising a jeep as they had no ignition keys, and this proved to be the case. Normally I always carried a spare rotor arm with me, but for some reason I didn't have one.

Having the use of the jeep was essential to my being able to evacuate my wounded, so I "borrowed" a lady's bicycle that I found in the house and started off down the line of battle, which was the Utrechtseweg from Oosterbeek to Arnhem. I asked everyone I met if they had a rotor arm; no luck until after about an hour I found a jeep which had been hit by mortar fire. It was completely wrecked and I dug around until I located the distributor and removed the rotor arm. Happily I rode down to the house, with a red cross on my helmet, and red cross flags on the bicycle, only to discover that in my absence the jeep had been completely destroyed.

I dumped the bicycle on the street and actually sat down and cried in frustration. After a few minutes I thought, well, I still have the problem of getting my wounded comrades into the hospital. I cycled down to the hospital and found a gurney (a wheeled stretcher) and pushed it down to the house. Taking the most seriously wounded first, I proceeded to evacuate everybody to the St. Elisabeth. There was a constant battle going on all the time and it was quite dangerous, but I had no option, I had to get these people into the hospital.

I had removed everybody but one by about 5 p.m. I put the last of my charges on the stretcher and started down the street, but before I got to my destination I realised that the situation had changed for the worse. The hospital was guarded by Dutch S.S. men and it was obvious that we had lost control again. By pure luck nobody had spotted us and I pushed the gurney into the last house on the street before the hospital. Fortunately my patient wasn't too badly wounded and was able to walk with assistance. We discussed the situation and decided that we would hide in the house in the hopes that our forces would finally prevail and we would eventually get him to surgery. We determined that there were no civilians in the house and decided to hide under the bed until we could decide what to do next. We spent most of the next 24 hours sleeping, with the exception that twice we were wakened by the sound of heavy footsteps, obviously army boots.

It's rather amazing but in each case nobody decided to look under the bed. Both times it was German soldiers who tramped through the house and it was apparent that they were clearing the houses of our troops by going through each one to see if any were occupied.

By about 10 a.m. on the Wednesday morning the fighting around the hospital area had quietened down considerably, with the Germans in complete control, and about this time we heard more footsteps, which proved to belong to two Dutch doctors from the hospital. They went through the house calling out, "Hollander! Hollander!" so we crawled out from under the bed and they told us that they had seen us go into the house the night before but that this was the first chance they had to come over. They told each of us to get on a gurney and then covered us completely with a white bedsheet. They said that they would try to get us into the hospital as if we were dead, otherwise we might be fired on by the Dutch S.S. who were guarding the hospital. For reasons which I have never understood, it seemed that the Dutch S.S. were much more vicious in their general conduct than the Wehrmacht soldiers.

We set off across the road to the hospital and fortunately we had no trouble; we were wheeled straight into the chapel, which was being used as a mortuary. There were no Germans present so we hopped off the gurneys and I escorted my patient to the surgery, where there was quite a queue of wounded waiting to be operated on. I informed the senior medical officer of what had happened to us and he said, 'Jolly good show!' and immediately put me to work in the wards. We were very short of medical staff and a two-shift system had been worked out, each shift being twelve hours. For the next ten days or so it was simply work and sleep.

To be continued.

Matthew Swanston, Jack Peaker's 16-year-old grandson who is currently ranked first in Canada in several swimming events for his age, concludes his arguments in favour of

SUPPORT FOR AMATEUR SPORTS

Now that I have finished talking about the financial aspects, I will move into the deeper reasons why other countries are more powerful than us.

A few days ago, on T.V., I watched an experiment done on CBC. There were news reporters going around the street asking random people questions. One of the questions was, "Can you name three Summer Olympic athletes from any time period?" Most of them responded no, that they couldn't. Many of them said that they could name national hockey players, however. This just goes to show that most Canadians only care about hockey and not any other sports. Another question was, "Can you tell me what year and where the next Summer Olympic Games are?" Most answered, "I don't know." Finally, the last question was, "Do you think that more funding should go towards the Winter Olympics or the Summer Olympics?" A good chunk answered that they thought the Winter Olympics should get more funding just because "we're more of a winter nation." How is it fair that Winter Olympic athletes should get paid more and get more resources when Summer Olympic athletes work just as hard, year round.

This is the reason why we as Canadians get dominated by countries that are half the size of Toronto. There should be no favourites, or differentiating between different sports. I know for a fact that in the U.S. they care about all sports equally. If I were to ask any one of you which sport you think the U.S. is best at, you probably wouldn't be able to come up with an answer. This is because the U.S. dominates in everything. They put an incredible amount of time, effort, and funding into all sports equally. Success and domination over countries is something that the Americans strive for.

It seems that here in Canada we really only care how our hockey teams do. And the truth is, considering the fact that hockey players get so much support nationally, they aren't doing that spectacularly. The Toronto Maple Leafs can't even make the playoffs, and look at how much support they get. At the 2006 Winter Olympic Games, the Canadian Men's team only placed seventh. For most Canadians, if our hockey teams don't do so well, they'll just say, "Maybe next time." It's as if the only sport that matters to our country is hockey. I don't know about you, but to me, this makes no sense at all. If we can't even live up to our reputation of being "a hockey nation", then why are we still "a hockey nation"?

Big corporations like Tim Horton's and Canadian Tire pour money into hockey organizations, so that Hockey Canada can ensure that we develop hockey players from the grassroots level. But it is sad to say that even with all the funding and support hockey gets, we still get beaten. It's as if we are attempting to take down the U.S. in hockey, so we pour everything we have into that sport so that we can beat them. And then we can hardly beat them in hockey, the sport that we are nationally acclaimed for being so good at. And then the U.S. dominates us in every other sport.

None of this make sense to me. Obviously there is a big problem that needs to be addressed. I strongly believe that we should distribute money, attention, and contributions to each sport equally, and not pick any favourites. Because right now, everyone other than hockey players feels as if nobody cares about them. They don't get any attention or recognition for their achievements. That makes it very tough to perform well, when you feel that your country isn't backing you up.

Another factor is the media. If the media only reports on hockey and only shows an interest in hockey, how can athletes from any other sport feel proud of themselves? In the Unites States, the media shows coverage of all sports, and that is what gives their athletes a much greater boost.

Going back to what I said at the beginning of my speech, who here has heard of Brent Hayden? Mike Brown? Brittany Reimer? These are some of Canada's top swimmers at this time. However, since there is no media coverage about them, nobody knows who they are (unless they're involved in the swimming world), and they really have no motivation. If everybody in Canada knew who they were and supported them, they could do great things for our country.

These are some of the reasons why Canadians should support all amateur athletes equally. If all sports got an equal amount of encouragement from our country, we would perform better in many more areas. It is up to the towns to realize that non-hockey players are not the enemies. We are all trying to work together to make Canada a stronger country on the world stage. Just because we are "a hockey nation" doesn't mean that we aren't allowed to be good in any other sports.

This is why the Americans are so much superior to us. It is also why smaller countries still manage to clobber us in competitions. All Canadians need to make more of an effort in getting informed about other sports, and start paying attention to more than just hockey.

Maybe if this could actually happen, Canada would be able to step it up at the 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing, and all competitions to follow.

Dick Monaghan writes: I say it's time to simplify our lives. Let me make some suggestions:

LET'S MAKE IT SIMPLE

1. How about UN-glazed doughnuts? I don't mean the timid, spongy, tasteless "plain" sinkers sold by the grocery giants - I mean the very dark, crusty kind right out of the grease, with little gleams of fat winking at you.

2. How about UN-barbecued pork ribs? Just salt and pepper, over a bed of sauerkraut? Crusty ribs, from pork with some fat on it.

3. How about telephones you just call people on, and get called? No games, no cameras.

4. How about help-line menus with one choice: "I need help-from a real person." Push 1.

5. How about decent coffee of unknown origin? Do I have to keep saying "Kimodo Dragon, grind 6?" Not to mention coffee drinks so complicated ("triple shot, soy milk latte, no whipped cream") it takes an advanced degree just to order. (I myself drink plain old coffee, sometimes with a little cream, if my insides are in rebellion.)

6. How about a government that can refrain from starting wars it can't finish, based on bad information, and then conducting them so ineptly our grandchildren will be bankrupt and our army broken?

7. Anyone for a game of cribbage?

Ed. Note: How about some income tax forms an ordinary person with a university degree can understand?

Bruce Galway sends this snide story of a man

HELPING WITH BREAKFAST

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said. "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

Jay forwards these

FAMOUS LAST WORDS

Are you sure the power is off?

I've seen this done on TV....

This doesn't taste right....

Nice doggie....

I can do this with my eyes closed....

I'll hold it and you light the fuse....

These are good mushrooms....

Let it down slowly now....

That's cold....

It looks strong enough....

Don't be superstitious....

I know what I'm doing....

You'll feel better in the morning....

Well, we've made it this far....

I thought you said your husband got home at 6:00....

Gerrit de Leeuw forwards this

ALBERTA TRANSPORTATION SAFETY BOARD ANNOUNCEMENT

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the Canadian auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black box voice recorders in four-wheel drive pickup trucks and SUVs in an effort to determine the last 15 seconds before the crash in fatal accidents.

They were surprised to find that in most of the towns the recorded last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were: "Oh, Shit!"??However, in Alberta in places like Grande Prairie, Whitecourt, Caroline, Rocky Mountain House, Red Deer, Edson, Cold Lake and St. Paul, and in Fort Saint John, B.C., there were different results.??In these areas 89.3 percent of the final words were: "Hold my beer; I'm gonna try somethin'."

This testimonial from a satisfied customer is forwarded by Jack Peaker:

TIDE

Dear Tide:

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out!

In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative, and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product.

Well, gotta go. Have to write to the Hefty Bag people.

THIS WEEK'S RECOMMENDED WEBSITES

Would you like to read some good news for a change? Don Henderson suggests this cheerful site: http://www.seethru.co.uk/goodle/goodle3.htm#

Stanley Cook wonders if any readers enjoy doing jigsaw puzzles. If so, you might enjoy this site with literally thousands of puzzles to do online: http://www.jigzone.com/

Trudi Evans is about to publish a new online magazine by and for women. If you are interested in this venture, visit her website and join her e-mail list so you can stay up to date as she gets ready to launch 'As We Are' on May 1st. There will be opportunities to contribute your writing, artwork and photography to the magazine. Go to http://www.aswearemagazine.com

You may also read this newsletter online at http://members.shaw.ca/vjsansum/

A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking. - Jerry Seinfield