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IN THIS ISSUE

• Arthur Pay continues his story of his service in the ARP
• Dick Richardson tells a story of poetic justice
• Barbara Wear sends some important advice about credit card protection
• Burke Dykes forwards a story about a field trip
• Marilyn Magid´s story is about childbirth
• Jack Peaker tells the tale of a confession
• Peter Rollo forwards this one about a Ferrari
• Barbara Wear, Bruce Galway, Jean Sterling, and Wendy Fisher recommend sites

Arthur Pay continues his courses at the ARP in London:

"WHAT DID YOU DO DURING THE WAR, DADDY?"

Someone in authority had the bright idea that telephone communication might break down during air raids or possible invasion, and volunteers were called for to learn Morse code. Also there were classes in the afternoon for wireless and electronics, car maintenance, and eventually for woodwork, art classes, music, and wrestling.

I didn´t take the last two but availed myself of the opportunities offered for the rest. All these occupations were official and listed on the orders for the day. There were, of course, overriding orders for expeditions to other places for gas drill, decontamination depots for possible mustard gas or Lewisite attacks, and also there was a fire chamber in one of the AFS depots where we were required to enter fire huts filled with fire and smoke.

The depot at China Inland Mission was equipped with bathrooms, toilet facilities, and running hot water. The evening meal was at 6.30 pm - again, a hot meal in the dining room.

The classes sometimes overran, and food for us learners was left out by the kitchen staff when they departed at 7 p.m. Thereafter there were no further duties other than the "express party", which was kept on full alert during the whole day and night against any emergency callout. There was also a rota for gate duty during the day.

Personnel were permitted to leave the premises during stand-down by obtaining a pass from the office for one half hour at a time, and the passes had to be returned. Thus control was maintained over the number of persons on pass at any time.

We used to sing, sotto voce, "When this bloody war is over, You won´t have to have a pass; You can tell your superintendent, ..etc.", much to the annoyance of the brass.

There was a snooker table and table tennis table, dart boards, chess and draughts available after 6.30 p.m., but most of the men played cards. There was also competitions between the stations when teams visited each other´s depots

The majority of men was older or disabled in some way, but the conchies were all younger and fitter and were distributed among the parties. This was apparently deliberate policy because the authorities found out that if they put the conchies all together in one squad, they were always at the top of any competitions.

I used to cycle from Manor Park to Islington every other day, returning at 9 a.m. the following morning, with a full 24 hours of leisure until 9 a.m. the next day.

In November 1942 I had to attend another Tribunal hearing to give an account of why I was not carrying out the conditions of my original exemption, but they decided that it was OK for full-time ARP or Fire Service to be added to the conditions of the exemption.

Charlotte continued to work at Waterlow´s and I used to supplement our income by making toys and rattles, which I sold to a shopkeeper on my way to work when we were short of money.

There was a British restaurant in Romford Road where a cheap mid-day meal could be obtained for about a shilling. The stuff they sold was pretty revolting: Woolton pie made with vegetables and the various dehydrated and reconstituted stuff that was available off the ration.

I used to spend a lot of time reading library books and always took the threepenny Times, but never ever completed the crossword puzzle. I got involved in various communal services like running an HSA group and money-raising projects for the Red Cross, but there were no air- raids and I am unable to recall even one incident of any significance during the whole period from the end of 1941 through 1942.

There were always arguments and discussions going on, both within the group of conchies and between them and the rest of the shift, but it must have been very difficult to maintain any serious antagonism towards the objectors, who after all were doing exactly what the rest were doing (or not doing).

In 1943 the National Authorities started to extend the ages of exemption from military service for those in the ARP services, and a number of the younger members were given the option of either going into the armed forces or transferring to the National Fire Service.

This of course exacerbated the divisions between personnel, some of whom didn´t see why they should be called up while the conscientious objectors stayed put. To counter this antagonism, several of the objectors including myself, volunteered for transfer to the Fire Service, but this was strongly opposed by the Islington Council, who didn´t want to lose us. However it did shut up those who were cribbing about it.

Most of those who were trawled up went into the Fire Service but several went into the Army, and one chap whom I remember particularly was drowned when the ship taking him to the Far East theatre of war was torpedoed while on its way. The husband of one of the kitchen staff came home from Burma and she got me to enlarge a photograph of him to poster size to welcome him home. I was always up to something or the other on the depot, and when anything happened it was always "that bloody Pay" who was blamed, mostly with some justification.

To be continued.

Richard Monaghan tells about an instance of

RETRIBUTION

Many readers like stories about how the Mighty Hand of Retribution smote the transgressor, and I have just such a tale for you.

I once worked in a large Pacific Northwest city that had a multi- storied hotel across the street from a sports bar. A city fireman, with a day at his disposal, was lounging around the sports bar when he encountered a woman not his wife, and struck up an accommodation.

They accordingly hied themselves across the street and got a room.

Just as the gentleman was in the progress of shedding his clothing, the woman looked at him wistfully, said "Goodbye," and jumped out the window to her death on the sidewalk ten stories below.

The fireman was left in the interesting position of explaining to the police how a woman he barely knew ended up dead. On the street outside his window.

Luckily for the fireman, it turned out the woman had a well- documented history of mental illness, including suicide attempts, so the fire laddie was not charged with her death. That was all the luck he had, however: the fire department and his wife were not sympathetic. He was fired and divorced, in that order.

Barbara Wear writes: My pocketbook was stolen at the Liberty Tree Mall in Danvers, Mass., in January 2007. I had read the following when it came around last year and I did what it said to do. Within an hour I was able to contact everyone on my list and while the thief was able to charge $1558 to one of the accounts, he was not able to go any further than that.

So may I suggest you print this out and follow the instructions. One never knows when we will be the victim. I never thought I would be ... but I was prepared.

ATTORNEY´S ADVICE - NO CHARGE

Read this and make a copy for your files in case you need to refer to it someday. Maybe we should all take some of his advice! A corporate Attorney sent the following out to the employees in his company.

1. Do not sign the back of your credit cards. Instead, put "Photo ID Required."

2.. When you are writing cheques to pay on your credit card Accounts, DO NOT put the complete account number on the "For" line. Instead, just put the last four numbers. The credit card company knows the rest of the number, and anyone who might be handling your cheque as it passes through all the cheque processing channels won´t have access to it.

3.. Put your work phone # on your cheques instead of your home Phone. If you have a PO Box, use that instead of your home address. If you do not have a PO Box, use your work address.

4.. Place the contents of your wallet on a photocopy machine. Do both sides of each license, credit card, etc. You will know what you had in your wallet and all of the account numbers and phone numbers to call and cancel. Keep the photocopy in a safe place. I also carry a photocopy of my passport when I travel either here or abroad. We´ve all heard horror stories about fraud that´s committed on us in stealing a name, address, credit cards.

Unfortunately, I, an attorney, have first-hand knowledge because my wallet was stolen last month. Within a week, the thieve ordered an expensive monthly cell phone package, applied for a VISA credit card, had a credit line approved to buy a Gateway computer, received a PIN number from DMV to change my driving record information online, and more. But here´s some critical information to limit the damage in case this happens to you or someone you know:

5.. We have been told we should cancel our credit cards immediately. But the key is having the toll free numbers and your card numbers handy so you know whom to call. Keep those where you can find them.

6.. File a police report immediately in the jurisdiction where your credit cards, etc., were stolen. This proves to credit providers you were diligent, and this is a first step toward an Investigation (if there ever is one).

But here´s what is perhaps most important of all: (I never even thought to do this.)

7.. Call the three national credit reporting organizations immediately to place a fraud alert on your name. The alert means any company that checks your credit knows your information was stolen, and they have to contact you by phone to authorize new credit.

By the time I was advised to do this, almost two weeks after the theft, all the damage had been done. There are records of all the credit checks initiated by the thieves´ purchases, none of which I knew about before placing the alert. Since then, no additional damage has been done, and the thieves threw my wallet away this weekend (someone turned it in). It seems to have stopped them dead in their tracks.

We pass along jokes on the Internet; we pass along just about everything. If you are willing to pass this information along, it could really help someone you care about.

On the same subject, ScamBusters suggests the advisability of having

AN IDENTITY THEFT SURVIVAL KIT

First and foremost, you need to have your credit card information included in your kit. It´s a good idea to photocopy all of your credit cards, both front and back, and keep the copies in your identity theft kit.

You should also include copies of credit cards that are still open even if you don´t currently use them or even if they don´t have a balance on them. In the event that you fall victim to identity theft, you will have all the contact information for your credit card companies at your disposal.

Even if you think you´re not vulnerable to identity theft, you´d be surprised. Even people with bad credit can find themselves the victim of an identity theft crime. You might never need to use your identity theft survival kit kit, but it´s a good idea to have on hand in case your wallet or purse is lost or stolen.

Burke Dykes sends the story of a

FIELD TRIP

A group of Kentucky second, third, and fourth-graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to Churchill Downs, the famous Louisville race track, to see and learn about thoroughbred horses.

When it was time to take the children to the washroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men´s room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the boys up, one by one, holding onto their "wee-wees"to direct the flow away from their clothes.

As she lifted one, she couldn´t help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, "You must be in the fourth grade."

"No, ma´am," he replied. "I´m riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race today."

Marilyn Magid asks

SHOULD CHILDREN WITNESS CHILD BIRTH?

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a three-year-old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her Mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.

Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Scotty was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Scotty began to cry.

The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide- eyed three-year-old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.

Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn´t have crawled in there in the first place ... smack his butt again!"

Jack Peaker sends this story about a

CONFESSION

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Monte Casino went to the local church for confession.

When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said, "Father ... during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the enemy. So I hid her in my attic."The priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did, my son! And you have no need to confess that."

"It´s worse than that, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favors every day and twice on weekends."

The priest said, "By doing that, you were both in great danger. However, two people under those circumstances can be very tempted to act that way. But if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven.""Thank you, Father. That´s a great load off my mind. But I do have one more question."

"And what is that?" asked the priest.

"Should I tell her the war is over?"

Peter Rollo forwards this story about

THE HAZARDS OF PUBLIC PARKING LOTS

Jack proudly drove his shining new Ferrari to work and put it in a public parking area. When he returned to the car some hours later, there was a note under the windscreen wiper. His initial apprehension turned to amusement when he read it.

"My car was parked next to your car all day. If any issue results, I would like the pick of the litter, please!"

INTERESTING WEBSITES

Barbara Wear enjoyed this site, and the accompanying music:

http://www.marycy.org/remember.html

Bruce Galway suggests this site, which is a clever animation:

http://alanbecker.deviantart.com/art/Animator-vs-Animation-34244097

Jean Sterling writes: Here is a link to shirt folding with instructions in English. The guy who does it is very good - I actually folded a shirt, but it took a lot of thought and effort. Maybe with practice?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cN6uLeEgLLk&mode=related&search=

Wendy Fisher writes: A NY man retired. He wanted to use his retirement money wisely so it would last, and decided to buy a home and a few acres in Portugal. The modest farmhouse had been vacant for 15 years, the owner and wife both had died, and there were no heirs. The house was sold to pay taxes. There had been several lookers, but the large barn had steel doors, and they had been welded shut. Nobody wanted to go to the extra expense to see what was in the barn, and it wasn´t necessary to the property anyway, so nobody made an offer on the place.

The NY guy bought it at just over half of the property´s worth, moved in, and set about tearing down the barn. He bought a generator and a couple of grinders and cut through the welds.

To see what he found in the barn, go to http://www.intuh.net/barnfinds/afa70.htm

ED. NOTE: I checked this on Snopes, and while the story of the sale was not confirmed, the pictures of the barn´s contents were authentic.

"Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh." - W. H. Auden, Anglo-American poet