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IN THIS ISSUE

• Arthur Pays comes to the end of his long story about the war
• Carol Hansen writes about a previous article
• Bill McNair recommends two free programs
• Seattle finds ways to salvage its garbage profitably
• Bruce Galway explains women´s English
• Don Henderson suggests hanging onto the new Newfie quarter
• Miriam Ockenden tells the story of an obedient wife
• Catherine Green forwards an easy quiz

Arthur Pays concludes his story about being a "conchie":

WHAT DID YOU DO IN THE WAR, DADDY?

During the whole of the time I served in the Rescue Parties of the Civil Defence, I was called out to about four incidents. I never managed to rescue anybody alive, though I did assist in the recovery of three people who were good and dead.

After a few weeks of inactivity on the home front, the Civil Defence were stood down and a notice was exhibited for personnel to be allowed release, and as my conditions of exemption from military service still applied I was then required to take up full-time work on the land or work for Waterlow´s.

They did not want me, and I remembered Frank Coxhead´s promise and got in touch with him at H. V. Smith´s, who were still working on demolition, and in addition erecting temporary housing for the homeless. I got a job as a labourer on their site at Whipps Cross flats where there was a temporary Nissen hut development.

I wrote to the Ministry of Labour telling them what I was doing and got the usual reply that although I could do temporary work of national importance I was still expected to implement the decision of the Tribunal.

Work consisted of daubing the dwarf walls of the Nissen huts with bitumen paint to make them waterproof, and after a few days, Frank Coxhead called on the site, asked me to write my name on a piece of paper, and then told me to report at H. V. Smith´s offices at Tottenham, where I was given the job of travelling about their various sites on my bicycle to collect information, and then to make cost and wages returns claiming for the work done.

I was also involved in the running of hutment camps for Irish workmen who were brought over to supplement the building force engaged in war damage repairs. This work also involved the ordering of building materials and the obtaining of the necessary permits for timber and other materials in short supply.

Every month or so the Ministry of Labour at Tothill Street and the Labour Exchange at Seven Kings would write requiring information about the progress of my search for land work, and I wrote to both offices in turn, enclosing copies of letters sent to the other, together with supporting letters from H. V. Smith´s and Frank Coxhead.

They must have got quite confused.

Eventually my demob date arrived before the authorities caught up with me, and I received a letter releasing me from my conditions of exemption. I had earned a Defence Medal, which I didn´t collect. I had earned a gratuity, which we gave away. I had a Post War Credit, which we kept.

In conclusion, I must admit that although there were times when I was very miserable at being alone and at variance with the majority opinion (or at any rate the expressed, perceived and apparent majority opinion) concerning the war, I knew that underneath it all there was the bond of being ordinary, working class and English, and I was able to make contact with even the most bigoted and stupid warmongers and chauvinists.

I found that I could express my opinions and make a difference without being written off as a crank or a fanatic.

Finally, if God was on the side of the Allies, then, considering He is supposed to be Almighty, He took an unconscionable time to show his preference. Had I been asked my opinion, I would have awarded Him about two for effort.

And that´s what I did in the last War, son!

Carol Hansen writes about last week´s artice

FOILING BURGLARS WITH CAR ALARMS

I thought you might find the following article from snopes.com interesting: http://www.snopes.com/crime/prevent/caralarm.asp

Maybe yes and maybe no. We really don´t pay much attention when one goes off here. I suppose we might if it went on for a very long time, though.

Same with barking dogs. One neighbor´s house was broken into a few years ago. She asked if we didn´t hear her dog barking? Yes, we did ... but that dog barked every time a car went by or a person walked down the street. You get used to it.

ED. NOTE: I must confess that I tune out car alarms, which seem to go off regularly on our street. It´s the same for barking dogs - I ignore them. But it occurs to me there is a need for some device with which seniors living alone could alert neighbours to their need for help. Medic alarms are okay for people with serious medical problems, but they are expensive and beyond the reach of many seniors who are frail but not sick. The device would have to sound unique, not like a car alarm, so it would attract attention. People living in apartment blocks could perhaps wear a shrill whistle, but it would be effective only if others knew that it signalled distress. Any ideas?

Bill McNair writes about

FREE WARE

There is a browser, Firefox ( http://www.mozilla.com/), and Open Office Suite ( http://www.openoffice.org/).

With Firefox, spam, adware and viruses become minimal. I and many others I´ve introduced this program to have used it for well over a year and are totally happy with it. We have all replaced Microsoft´s browser with Mozillas Firefox.

The other program, Open Office, is similar to Microsoft´s Office Suite, but is still new and as yet in development stages. If there is anyone who has no Word processor, it is a good program to use. From what I have heard, it functions quite well and is well supported. I´ve used it with no problem, although I am quite happy with Office XP 2000.

A news story from the New York Times:

RECYCLING IN SEATTLE

EVERETT, Wash. - Out here next to Steamboat Slough and the lumber mill, piles of garbage from Seattle are lined up in neat rows and blanketed with a fabric similar to that used in high-end Gore-Tex clothing.

What goes in as yard waste and food scraps will emerge two months later as a mountain of loamy compost sold by the bag at garden centers throughout the Pacific Northwest by Cedar Grove Composting. In the process, the waste is ground up, piled up, aerated, dried and sifted. The space-age fabric covering the piles allows air to enter but keeps pungent odors from wafting over the countryside.

"This is the cool side of trash," Cedar Grove´s founder, Steve Banchero, said of the process, which is on recycling´s cutting edge.

The company, the major composter in this area, will soon have much more trash coming its way because Seattle is making food waste yet another mandatory recycling ingredient in its already long list.

"The food-waste issue is the new frontier for recycling advocates," said Kate Krebs, the executive director of the National Recycling Coalition. "It´s the next big chunk."

Seattle now recycles 44 percent of its trash, compared with the national average of around 30 percent, which makes it a major player in big-city waste recovery. Its goal, city waste management officials said, is to reach 60 percent by 2012 and 72 percent by 2025.

ED: <sigh>

Back in 1999, Bruce Galway sent these translations to help men understand

WOMEN´S ENGLISH

Yes = No.

No = Yes.

Maybe = No.

I´m sorry = You´ll be sorry....

We need = I want.

It´s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

Do whatever you want = You´ll pay for this later.

We need to talk = I need to complain.

Sure, go ahead = I don´t want you to.

I´m not upset = Of course I´m upset, you moron!

You´re so manly = You need a shave, and you sweat a lot.

Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.

This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.

I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.

Do you love me? = I´m going to ask for something expensive.

How much do you love me? = I did something today you´re going to hate.

I´ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.

You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.

Are you listening to me? = [Too late, you´re dead.]

Don Henderson advises holding on to

THE NEW 2007 NEWFOUNDLAND QUARTERS

If you have them, they may be worth much more than 25 cents.

The Canadian Mint announced today that it is recalling all of the Newfoundland quarters that are part of its program featuring quarters from each province. This action is being taken after numerous reports that the new quarters will not work in parking meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay phones, or any other coin-operated device.

The problem lies in the unique design of the quarter, which was designed by a team of genuine Newfoundlanders.

Apparently the duct tape holding the two dimes and the nickel together keeps jamming the machines.

ED. NOTE: It´s a good thing the Newfies have such a good sense of humour!

Miriam Ockenden sends this story about

THE OBEDIENT WIFE

There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser. Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a moment!"

She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away.

Her friend said, "Girl, I know you were not foolish enough to put all that money in there with your husband!"

The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I´m an honest person; I cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money into the casket with him."

"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him?"

"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account, and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, then he can spend it."

Catherine Green forwards

THE WORLD´S EASIEST QUIZ

(Passing requires four correct answers) 1) How long did the Hundred Years´ War last?
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From which animal do we get cat gut?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5) What is a camel´s hair brush made of?
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
7) What was King George VI´s first name?
8) What colour is a purple finch?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
10) What is the colour of the black box in a commercial airplane?

ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? - 116 years
2) Which country makes Panama hats? - Ecuador
3) From which animal do we get cat gut? - sheep and horses
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? - November
5) What is a camel´s hair brush made of? - squirrel fur
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? - dogs
7) What was King George VI´s first name? - Albert
8) What colour is a purple finch? - crimson
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? - New Zealand
10) What is the colour of the black box in a commercial airplane? - orange (of course)

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What do you mean, you failed? Me, too. (And if you try to tell me you passed, you lie!)

Just for fun, have a look at this: http://www.metacafe.com/w/876063/

"Do you know the difference between education and experience? Education is when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don´t." - Pete Seeger