Home  >> Stories  >> The Tale Spinner #2016-01

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IN THIS ISSUE

• Another example of kindness is this story from Heroic Stories
• The collection of students´ history bloopers is concluded
• Carol Hansen forwards some amusing headlines
• Catherine Nesbitt sends a story of two brothers
• Shirley Conlon shares kids´ thoughts on marriage
• Some lectures are given at odd times
• This cat´s resolutions are unlikely to last far into the new year
• Sites are suggested by Catherine Nesbitt, Don Henderson, Irene Harvalias, Jay, Judith English, Tom Telfer, and Tom Williamson

From HeroicStories, here is an account by Jerri Barrett of California of

THE NEW YEAR´S GIFT

On New Year´s Eve many years ago, I was driving back to graduate school in Rochester, New York. In Binghamton, New York, halfway between my parents´ house and school, smoke suddenly came out of my car engine. My car was an old Ford Mustang that had seen better days.

I got off the highway and made it to a small gas station near the exit. The attendant found that my engine was completely without oil. I bought enough oil to refill the engine, but we saw it leaking out again rapidly. He sold me a few extra cans and gave me directions to a good garage he knew of.

At the garage, I told the owner what had happened. He came out, looked the car over and checked the oil; it was half empty already. He said I´d have to wait; other customers were ahead of me, and they were supposed to close at 1:00 p.m. for New Year´s Eve. It was nearly 11 a.m. and I was in a strange town with no place to go, so I sat on some plastic crates and waited.

Eventually the owner came over to tell me my oil pressure gauge had snapped off. He´d have to get a new part from the auto parts store, which was closed, but he´d make some calls. I found out later the store owner was his friend, and had not only reopened the store but delivered the part himself.

The whole time, I was figuring out how much cash was in my pocket, how much was in my bank account, would they take a cheque, and what I could possibly leave for collateral if they wouldn´t.

For three hours people came and went. One worker bought me a coke, and the mailman gave me half his sandwich when he stopped for lunch at the garage. I was too afraid of being unable to pay the bill to buy anything for myself.

Finally my car was off the lift and the owner called me over. "That will be seven forty," he said. I nearly fainted. "Seven hundred and forty dollars?" I squeaked. "No, seven dollars and forty cents," he said. "I have to charge you for the part."

I was amazed and immediately filled with gratitude. I wanted to protest, but I needed what little money I did have for groceries and utilities until my next student loan arrived. With thanks and hugs for everyone in the garage, I gave them the tin of homemade Christmas cookies my mother had given me that morning.

Their kindness has stayed with me for more than 20 years. All those men, from the garage owner to the mailman, knew they´d never see me again since I wasn´t local. They could have ripped me off on price, or charged the repair´s true value - over $200. Instead of taking advantage of my misfortune, they gave me the best New Year´s gift ever - true kindness and charity.

ED. NOTE: To comment on this story, or to get your own free subscription, click on

The bloopers committed by university students of Anders Eriksson and forwarded by Betty Audet are unfortunately finished:

A BRIEF HISTORY OF EUROPE FROM THE MIDDLE AGES TO THE PRESENT

Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenburg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull.

It was the painter Donatello´s interest in the female nude that made him the father of the Renaissance.

It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenburg invented the Bible. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes. Another important invention was the circulation of blood.

Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.

The government of England was a limited mockery. Henry VIII found walking difficult because he had a abbess on his knee. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When Elizabeth exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted "hurrah." Then her navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo.

The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespear. Shakespear never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He lived at Windsor with his merry wives, writing tragedies, comedies and errors. In one of Shakespear´s famous plays, Hamlet rations out his situation by relieving himself in a long soliloquy. In another, Lady Macbeth tries to convince Macbeth to kill the King by attacking his manhood. Romeo and Juliet are an example of an heroic couplet. Writing at the same time as Shaespear was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the Ocean, and this was known as Pilgrims Progress. When they landed at Plymouth Rock, they were greeted by the Indians, who came down the hill rolling their war hoops before them. The Indians squabs carried porpoises on their back. Many of the Indian heroes were killed, along with their cabooses which proved very fatal to them. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.

One of the causes of the Revolutionary Wars was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. During the War, the Red Coats and Paul Revere were throwing their balls over stone walls. The dogs were barking and the peacocks crowing. Finally, the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis.

Delegates from the original thirteen states formed the Contented Congress.

Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin had gone to Boston carrying all his clothes in his pocket and a loaf of bread under each arm. He invented electricity by rubbing cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

George Washington married Martha Curtis and in due time became the Father of Our Country. Then the Constitiution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the Constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.

Abraham Lincolln became America´s greatest Precedent. Lincoln´s mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. When Lincoln was President, he wore only a tall silk hat. He said, "In onion there is strength." Abraham Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg address while traveling from Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope. He also freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation, and the Fourteenth Amendment gave the ex-Negroes citizenship. But the Clue Clux Clan would torcher and lynch the ex-Negroes and other innocent victims. It claimed it represented law and odor. On the night of April 14, 1865 Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth´s career.

Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltare invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy. Gravity was invented by Isaac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the Autumn, when the apples are falling off the trees.

Bach was the most famous composer in the world. and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Beethoven wrote muisc even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

France was in a very serious sate. The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened. The Marseillaise was the theme song of the French Revolution, and it catapulted into Napoleon. During the Napoleonic Wars, the crowned heads of Europe were trembling in their shoes. Then the Spanish gorillas came down from the hills and nipped at Napoleon´s flanks. Napoleon became ill with bladder problems and was very tense and unrestrained. He wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn´t bear children.

The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. Her reclining years and finally the end of her life were exemplatory of a great personality. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.

The nineteenth century was a time of many great inventions and thoughts. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Samuel Morse invented a code of telepathy. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the species. Madman Curie discovered radium. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.

The first World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by a surf, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.

Carol Hansen sends headlines that prove it is not only university students who make mistakes:

IS PROOFREADING A DYING ART?

"Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter" -This one I caught in the Tribune the other day and called the editorial room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible! They put in a correction the next day.

"Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says" - Really?

"Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers" - Now that´s taking things a bit far!

"Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over" - What a guy!

"Miners Refuse to Work after Death" - No-good-for-nothing´ lazy so-and-so´s!

"Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant" - See if that works any better than a fair trial.

"War Dims Hope for Peace" - I can see where it might have that effect.

"If Strike Isn´t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile" - Ya think?

"Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures? -Who would have thought!

"Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide" -They may be on to something.

"Red Tape Holds up New Bridges" - You mean there´s something stronger than duct tape?

"Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge" - He probably IS the battery charge.

"New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group" - Weren´t they fat enough?

"Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft" - That´s what he gets for eating those beans.

"Kids Make Nutritious Snacks" - Do they taste like chicken?

"Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half" - Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

"Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors" - Boy, are they tall!

And the winner is...

Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead" - Did I read that right?

Now that you´ve smiled at least once, it´s your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle). We all need a good laugh at least once a day.

Catherine Nesbitt sends the story of

TWO BROTHERS

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons, and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"

"Eight," the boy replied.

The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"

The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren´t for me. They´re for him. He´s my brother. He´s four."

"Oh, really?" the pharmacist replied with a grin.

"Yes" the boy said. "We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis, and ride a bike. Right now, he can´t do none of that."

Shirley Conlon forwards kids´ answers to these questions

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY?

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. - Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they´re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you´re stuck with. - Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. - Camille, age 10

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. - Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don´t want any more kids. - Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. - Lynnette, age 8

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. - Martin, age 10

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

When they´re rich. - Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn´t want to mess with that. - Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It´s the right thing to do. - Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It´s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. - Anita, age 9

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN´T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn´t there? - Kelvin, age 8

And the favourite is

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck. - Ricky, age 10

A LECTURE WITH A DIFFERENCE

On New Year´s Eve, Daniel was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home. As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman.

"What are you doing out here at four o´clock in the morning?" asked the officer.

"I´m on my way to a lecture," answered Roger.

"And who on earth in their right mind is going to give a lecture at this time on New Year´s Eve?" enquired the constable sarcastically.

"My wife," slurred Daniel grimly.

NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS

A New Year´s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

COOKIE THE CAT´S RESOLUTIONS

I will not demand to get out the minute after I come in and vise versa.

I will not scratch wallpaper, curtains, furniture, clothing, or my scratch pad.

I will not annoy the dog next door (unless I´m in a bad mood).

I will come when my human calls me (occasionally).

I will not sleep more than 23 hours per day.

SUGGESTED SITES

Catherine Nesbitt recommends this video for people who have never lived on a farm. This prank, though it is not in English, is for those who really like fresh-made sausage:

Catherine also sends the URL for a video of the opening ceremonies for the European Games, which were held in Baku, Azerbaijan in June, 2015:

Don Henderson doubts that you can watch this video without smiling:

Irene Harvalias sends this link to a video of a truck with a rear-mounted camera which shows the road ahead, allowing following drivers to know when it is safe to pass:

Jay says that these guys are crazy, but they do manage to open wine bottles without using a bottle opener:

Judith English suggests this site for a video of a dance troupe from Siberia appearing on Britain´s Got Talent:

Tom Telfer wonders who said little kids should be in weddings:

Tom Williamson suggests this site for a video of a man changing a light bulb in Saskatchewan. He hopes they pay the man a lot:

The winner of the 2015 North American Scrabble Championship, Matthew Tunnicliffe from Ottowa, is only the third Canadian to have won this tournament. Check out his story here:

For the top 10 health, cancer, and science breakthroughs of 2015 click on

Watch a Muslim man deliver Christmas gifts to the homeless in this video:

Giving the shoes off her feet to a homeless woman on the subway started a chain reaction:

Instead of offering pocket change, this man changed a homeless veteran´s life:

To check out the features of the "freedictionary", which changes daily, go to