Home  >> Stories  >> The Tale Spinner #2018-48

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IN THIS ISSUE

• In this Heroic Story, a nurse saves a motorcyclist´s leg
• Shirley Conlon forwards the seniors´ December calendar
• Catherine Nesbitt shares the ramblings of an old mind
• Barbara Wear sends suggestions for small Christmas gifts
• Irene Harvalias forwards a number of court reporters´ notes
• Here are lines to make you smile
• Carol Shoemaker suggests a topical post on Facebook

A Bystander in England writes about

ASSISTANCE ON ICY GROUND

One freezing November day I drove to the market along an icy road. As I came around the corner, a motorcyclist was on the freezing ground, his bike partly under a car. I joined the crowd of people surrounding him, hoping to help. He was bleeding, his left ankle and leg clearly broken, and perhaps worse, he was struggling to breathe.

The man whose car had hit the motorcyclist was hysterical, yelling, "My God, I didn´t see him! I didn´t even see him!"

Then a car pulled up and a heavy lady with a stick hopped out. She told her husband, "Get my first-aid kit and blankets." She put bystanders to work: "Direct traffic around us." "Put out those cigarettes!" "Go to the intersection and flag the ambulance." People were grateful to be useful.

She knelt on the icy ground and assessed the motorcyclist. He was in the middle of an asthma attack, so she helped him use his inhaler, calmed him and gave him a sense of safety. I could see his breathing improve. She smiled, "I´m a nurse, I´m going to help you. Just be calm. The ambulance will be here soon. Everything will be OK." She quickly splinted his ankle and leg.

She turned to the driver of the car, and said, "He´s OK. Now go sit, it´s all right." The warmth of her words calmed the hysterical man.

When the ambulance arrived half an hour later, she handed over his care and offered to call the motorcyclist´s wife to meet him at the hospital. I overheard, "Your husband is OK. No, he´s fine, really, but he´s been in a little accident...."

As police spoke to the car´s driver, with the ambulance on the way, we all began to leave. Then I saw the nurse´s husband helping her to her feet, and supporting her as she struggled to walk back to her car. As he walked around to his door, I asked her husband if she was OK.

"She has a spinal injury and is in constant pain, and kneeling on the cold ground is about the worst thing for her," he said. "She´ll be in bed for a week now."

I asked why she stopped. He looked at me and said, "She´s a nurse. She couldn´t possibly drive by anyone who needed her, no matter what. She doesn´t care about her own pain. Well, she´s a nurse, that´s all."

She called him to the car. They waved goodbye.

About a month later, I saw the motorcyclist in a local coffee shop and asked how he was doing. "Great!" he said. "You know that nurse saved my leg? The blood flow to my foot stopped; she fixed it when she splinted my leg. If we´d waited for the ambulance it would have been too late. She didn´t give my wife her name. Do you know her?"

"All her husband said," I replied, "was: ´She´s a nurse.´"

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Shirley Conlon shares this month´s calendar produced by seniors:

DECEMBER

Catherine Nesbitt forwards these

RAMBLINGS OF AN OLD MIND

I decided that old age is when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.

I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age and calling it "Pumping Rust."

When people see a cat´s litter box they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I want to say, "No, it´s for company!"

Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of an emergency. I think you should write, "An ambulance."

The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Did you ever notice: the Roman numerals for size forty (40) are XL.

The sole purpose of a child´s middle name is so he can tell when he´s really in trouble.

Did you ever notice: When you put the two words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs"?

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. Some people try to turn back their "odometers." Not me. I want people to know why I look this way. I´ve travelled a long way and some of the roads weren´t paved.

Ah! Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

May you always have Love to Share, Cash to Spare, and Friends who Care!

Barbara Wear forwards these suggestions:

SMALL GIFTS FOR GUESTS AT CHRISTMAS

CANDLES: A single candle set at each place setting, tied with a bit of curly holiday ribbon, makes a fragrant holiday gift your guests can enjoy in their own homes. Or you might put the candles in a basket by your door and ask that each guest take one as she leaves.

FRESH FRUIT: At each place setting, set a small wicker basket filled with inexpensive and brightly coloured fruit: mandarin oranges, tangerines, or apples. Decorate the basket with a holiday bow.

MUSIC: Whether or not you decide to give gifts to your guests, a holiday party needs music. As your guests arrive, you could have some type of holiday music playing softly in the background. It needs to be light so as to create a mood and not detract from conversation.

Irene Harvalias sends these

COURT REPORTERS' NOTES

These are from a book called "Disorder in the Court" and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters who had the torment of staying straight-faced while the exchanges were taking place.

Attorney: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
Witness: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Attorney: Are you sexually active?
Witness: No, I just lie there.

Attorney: What is your date of birth?
Witness: July 18th.
Attorney: What year?
Witness: Every year.

Attorney: How old is your son, the one living with you?
Witness: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Attorney: How long has he lived with you?
Witness: Forty-five years.

Attorney: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
Witness: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

Attorney: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
Witness: He's 20. Very close to your IQ.

Attorney: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Witness: Are you kidding me?

Attorney: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And what were you doing at that time?
Witness: Getting laid.

Attorney: She had three children, right?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: How many were boys?
Witness: None.
Attorney: Were there any girls?
Witness: Your Honour, I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

Attorney: How was your first marriage terminated?
Witness: By death.
Attorney: And by whose death was it terminated?
Witness: Take a guess.

Attorney: Can you describe the individual?
Witness: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Attorney: Was this a male or a female?
Witness: Unless the circus was in town I'm going with male.

Attorney: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
Witness: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Attorney: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Witness: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

Attorney: ALL of your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you attend?
Witness: Oral.

Attorney: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
Witness: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
Attorney: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
Witness: If not, he was by the time I finished.

Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Witness: No.
Attorney: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Witness: No.
Attorney: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Attorney: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
Witness: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

LAUGHTER LINES

1. Advertisement in a Long Island shop: "Guitar for sale. Cheap. No strings attached."

2. Ad in hospital waiting room: "Smoking Helps You Lose Weight - One Lung at a Time!"

3. On a bulletin board: "Success Is Relative. The more the Success, the more the Relatives."

4. When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

5. My grandfather is 80 and still doesn´t need glasses. He drinks straight out of the bottle.

6. You know your kids have grown up when your daughter begins to put on lipstick, or when your son starts to wipe it off.

7. Sign in a bar: "Those of you who are drinking to forget, please pay in advance."

8. Sign in driving school: "If your wife wants to learn to drive, don´t stand in her way."

9. Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman.

10. The reason men lie is because women ask too many questions.

11. Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.

12. The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is the fact that it has never tried to contact us.

13. Sign in a barbers´ saloon in Detroit: "We need your heads to run our business."

14. Sign in a restaurant: "All drinking water in this establishment has been personally passed by the manager."

SUGGESTED SITES

Carol Shoemaker shares a topical video on Facebook at

In this CBC story, two young brothers in Saskatoon perform CPR to save their grandmother´s life:

In this TED talk, Chad Frischmann suggests 100 solutions to climate change:

This site maintains that exercises can make you live longer, and shows you some of the most effective:

Snopes Daily fact checks a video that supposedly shows astronaut Chris Hadfield testing the effects of marijuana in space: