Home  >> Stories  >> The Tale Spinner #2016-06

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IN THIS ISSUE

• Tom Telfer writes about the travels of a book
• Pat Moore forwards an article we can all relate to
• Shirley Conlon shares these observations with family and friends
• Catherine Green sends this warning about AIDs
• Don Henderson tells of the origin of governments´ hiring practices
• Get up to speed with these texting suggestions from Tony Lewis
• Tom Williamson has an idea for fixing the economy
• Sites are suggested by Bruce Galway, Don Henderson, and Irene Harvalias

CORRESPONDENCE

Tom Telfer writes: Sometimes the title of a book brings back special memories. This morning, I received a list of books for sale. One title jumped off the page, Agent Zigzag. It is the story of a WWII spy, who spied on British forces for Germany and then spied on Germany for the British. So he zigged and zagged from one border to another.

I found this book in the lobby of my apartment building, here in London, Ontario. On a trip to England, I took it with me on the plane. In England, I mentioned the book to our friends the Hughes (pen pals for over 60 years). They stared at me in amazement and started to laugh. The year before, they had brought the book to Canada and left it in my lobby.

I carried this book with me back to Canada, then to India, back to Canada, and then to China. Having finally finished it, I left it in an airport in Beijing. It had zig zagged with me for several years. Someone would have picked it up and the book would have continued its travels. Did someone say that truth is stranger than fiction?

ED. NOTE: I checked out the book on Amazon, where it was given five stars. One reviewer wrote: Here is a prime example of why many non-fiction volumes are better reads than fiction. This is an amazing tale of a true to life WW11 British spy. Chapman was a genuine scroundrel and professional criminal who volunteered to spy for the Nazis, just to get out of prison, and then as soon as he was dropped back in England, agreed to spy for the English. He was a born spy, really, with an ability to BS with the best of them. It was a disgrace the way the British government treated him in the end. Actually, the Germans treated him better. This is the story of the ultimate survivor.

Pat Moore forward this thoughtful piece:

WE DIDN´T HAVE THE GREEN THING BACK IN MY DAY

In the line at the store, the cashier told the older woman that plastic bags weren´t good for the environment. The woman apologized to her and explained, "We didn´t have the ´green thing´ back in my day."

That´s right, they didn´t have the "green thing" in her day. Back then, they returned their milk bottles, Coke bottles, and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, using the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. But they didn´t have the "green thing" back in her day.

In her day, they walked up stairs, because they didn´t have an escalator in every store and office building. They walked to the grocery store and didn´t climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time they had to go two blocks. But she´s right. They didn´t have the "green thing" in her day.

Back then, they washed the baby´s diapers because they didn´t have the throw-away kind. They dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts. Wind and solar power really did dry the clothes. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that old lady was right, they didn´t have the "green thing" back in her day.

Back then, they had one TV, or radio, in the house, not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a pizza dish, not a screen the size of the state of Montana. In the kitchen, they blended and stirred by hand because they didn´t have electric machines to do everything for them. When they packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, they used wadded-up newspaper to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, they didn´t fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. They used a push mower that ran on human power. They exercised by working so they didn´t need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity. But she was right, they didn´t have the "green thing" back then.

They drank from a fountain when they were thirsty, instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time they had a drink of water. They refilled pens with ink, instead of buying a new pen; and they replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. But they didn´t have the "green thing" back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar and kids rode their bikes to school or rode the school bus instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service. They had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And they didn´t need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza joint. But that old lady was right. They didn´t have the "green thing" back in her day.

Gee! That was MY day too!

- Anonymous

Shirley Conlon forwards this piece

TO MY FAMILY AND GOOD FRIENDS

"Good friends are like quilts - they age with you, yet never lose their warmth."

I am forwarding this to those on my seniors´ e-mail list because it is so well written.

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon, before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read, or play on the computer, until 4:00 a.m, or sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50s, 60s and 70s, and if at the same time, I wish to weep over a lost love, I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But then again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And eventually, I will remember the important things.

Sure, over the years, my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody´s beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength, and understanding, and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile, and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turn gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don´t question myself anymore. I´ve even earned the right to be wrong.

So to answer your question: I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel like it).

Catherine Green claims that senior citizens are the nation´s leading carriers of AIDS:

AIDS WARNING

Senior citizens are the nation´s leading carriers of AIDS!

Hearing aids

Band aids

Roll aids

Walking aids

Medical aids

Government aids

And most of all:

Monetary aid to their kids!

Not forgetting HIV (Hair is Vanishing)

Don Henderson sends this explanation of

GOVERNMENTS´ HIRING PRACTICES

Once upon a time there was a king who wanted to go fishing.

He called the royal weather forecaster and inquired as to the weather forecast for the next few hours. The weatherman assured him that there was no chance of rain in the coming days.

So the king went fishing with his wife, the queen. On the way he met a farmer on his donkey. Upon seeing the king, the farmer said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace at once because in just a short time I expect a huge amount of rain to fall in this area."

The king was polite and considerate, so he replied: "I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an extensively educated and experienced professional. And besides, I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him and I will continue on my way." So he continued on his way.

However, a short time later a torrential rain fell from the sky.The king and queen were totally soaked and their entourage chuckled upon seeing them in such a shameful condition.

Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the professional. Then he summoned the farmer and offered him the prestigious and high-paying role of royal forecaster.

The farmer said, "Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey. If I see my donkey´s ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain."

So the king hired the donkey.

And thus began the practice of hiring dumb asses to occupy government´s highest and most influential positions.

And the practice is unbroken to date....

Tony Lewis writes: I thought you might needed help with texting your friends. After all, the kids have all their little codes, like BFF, WTF, etc. So here are the codes for those of you now in your senior years:

*GGLKI

ATD - At the Doctor´s

BFF - Best Friends Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring Your Own Teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

HGBM - Had Good Bowel Movement

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

LWO - Lawrence Welk´s On

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

OMSG - Oh My! Sorry, Gas

ROFL - CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing ... Can´t Get Up!

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WAITT - Who Am I Talking To?

WTFA - Wet the Furniture Again

WTP - Where´s the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

*GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking in!

Hope these help.

Tom Williamson forwards these

HELPFUL SUGGESTIONS

Dear Prime Minister Trudeau,

Please find below our suggestion for fixing Canada´s economy.

Instead of giving billions of dollars to corporations that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan.

There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay them one million dollars each severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire. Ten million job openings - unemployment fixed

2) They MUST buy a new car. Ten million cars ordered - car industry fixed

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - housing crisis fixed

4) They MUST send their kids to school/college/university - crime rate fixed

5) They MUST buy $50 worth of alcohol/tobacco a week ... and there´s your money back in duty/tax etc.

It can´t get any easier than that!

P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of Parliament pay back their falsely-claimed expenses and second home allowances.

If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know.

ED. NOTE: One quibble - One million dollars will not buy a house in the Vancouver area, not even a chicken coop! So maybe we´d better make that two million dollars retirement allowance. ;)

SUGGESTED WEBSITES

Bruce Galway forwards this link to a video showing Interesting uses of clips:

Bruce also sends the URL for a video of the Tesla super-automated assembly plant in Fremont, California:

Don Henderson forwards this link to a way to keep retired people busy during the long winter months:

Don also claims that technology has hijacked family dinnertimes, and shows how a pepper hacker can reclaim it:

Irene Harvalias sends the URL for a video of some of the best of Stefan Pabst´s three-D drawings:

This site claims that corporate food merchants spend billions studying our bodies´ reactions to various chemicals to trick us into eating their garbage and liking it, but we can rewire our taste buds in just a few weeks so that food that´s good for us will taste good:

This long but fascinating video about future trains will blow your mind:

In this TED talk, Mia Birdsong claims that the story we tell about poverty isn´t true; poor people may be broke, but they are not broken:

In this video from Hawaii, a bottlenose dolphin depends on a diver to cut a fishing line and hook out of its pectoral fin:

For 10 world-changing scientific breakthroughs, click on