Home  >> Stories  >> The Tale Spinner #2016-13

---

IN THIS ISSUE

• Barbara Wear forwards the story of a famous stagecoach driver
• Jean Sterling comments on an item in last week´s Spinner
• Catherine Nesbitt sends a story of the result of a lie
• Pat Moore shares a tale of men dining out
• Here is an ode to welcome spring
• Jay posts kids´ answers to science questions
• Bruce Galway is guilty of this atrocious pun
• Some nouns have gender
• Sites are suggested by Don Henderson, Judy Lee, Shirley Coutts, Tom Telfer, and Tom Williamson

Barbara Wear sends this

INTERESTING BIT OF WESTERN HISTORY

TRUCKEE, Calif.: Western stagecoach companies were big business in the latter half of the 19th century. In addition to passengers and freight, stages hauled gold and silver bullion, as well as mining company payrolls.

Stage robbery was a constant danger, and bandits employed many strategies to ambush a stagecoach. Thieves rarely met with much resistance from stage drivers, since they had passenger safety foremost in mind. The gang was usually after the Wells Fargo money box with its valuable contents. Passengers were seldom hurt, but they were certainly relieved of their cash, watches, and jewelry. Before the completion of the transcontinental railroad over Donner Pass in 1868, the only transportation through the Sierra was by stage. Rugged teamsters held rein over six wild-eyed horses as they tore along the precipitous mountain trails. The stagecoaches were driven by skilled and fearless men who pushed themselves and their spirited horses to the limit.

One of the most famous drivers was Charles Darkey Parkhurst, who had come west from New England in 1852 seeking his fortune in the Gold Rush. He spent 15 years running stages, sometimes partnering with Hank Monk, the celebrated driver from Carson City. Over the years, Pankhursts reputation as an expert whip grew.

From 20 feet away he could slice open the end of an envelope or cut a cigar out of a man´s mouth. Parkhurst smoked cigars, chewed wads of tobacco, drank with the best of them, and exuded supreme confidence behind the reins. His judgment was sound, and pleasant manners won him many friends.

One afternoon as Charley drove down from Carson Pass, the lead horses veered off the road and a wrenching jolt threw him from the rig. He hung on to the reins as the horses dragged him along on his stomach. Amazingly, Parkhurst managed to steer the frightened horses back onto the road and save all his grateful passengers.

During the 1850s, bands of surly highwaymen stalked the roads. These outlaws would level their shotguns at stage drivers and shout, "Throw down the gold box!" Charley Parkhurst had no patience with the crooks, despite their demands and threatening gestures.

The most notorious road agent was nicknamed Sugarfoot. When he and his gang accosted Charley´s stage, it was the last robbery the thief ever attempted.

Charley cracked his whip defiantly, and when his horses bolted, he turned around and fired his revolver at the crooks. Sugarfoot was later found dead with a fatal bullet wound in his stomach.

In appreciation of his bravery, Wells Fargo presented Parkhurst with a large watch and chain made of solid gold. In 1865, Parkhurst grew tired of the demanding job of driving and he opened his own stage station. He later sold the business and retired to a ranch near Soquel, Calif. The years slipped by, and Charley died on Dec. 29, 1879, at the age of 67.

A few days later, the Sacramento Daily Bee published his obituary. It read; On Sunday last, there died a person known as Charley Parkhurst, aged 67, who was well known to old residents as a stage driver. He was in early days accounted one of the most expert manipulators of the reins who ever sat on the box of a coach. It was discovered when friendly hands were preparing him for his final rest, that Charley Parkhurst was unmistakably a well-developed woman!

Once it was discovered that Charley was a woman, there were plenty of people to say they had always thought he wasn´t like other men. Even though he wore leather gloves summer and winter, many noticed that his hands were small and smooth. He slept in the stables with his beloved horses, and was never known to have had a girlfriend.

Charley never volunteered clues to her past. Loose-fitting clothing hid her femininity, and after a horse kicked her, an eye patch over one eye helped conceal her face. She weighed 175 pounds, could handle herself in a fistfight, and drank whiskey like one of the boys.

It turns out that Charley´s real name was Charlotte Parkhurst. Abandoned as a child, she was raised in a New Hampshire orphanage, unloved and surrounded by poverty. Charlotte ran away when she was 12 years old, and soon discovered that life in the working world was easier for men. So she decided to masquerade as one for the rest of her life.

The rest is history.

Well, almost. There is one last thing. On November 3, 1868, Charlotte Parkhurst cast her vote in the national election, dressed as a man. She became the first woman to vote in the United States, 52 years before Congress passed the 19th amendment giving American women the right to vote!

ED. NOTE: I checked this story on Snopes, but because it is true, it did not appear there. There are more details about Pankhurst at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charley_Parkhurst

CORRESPONDENCE

Jean Sterling comments on Mike Yeagers line in last weeks Spinner which read, Initially the cool theater felt refreshing. As we sat in the dark, happily munching on our combination popcorn and enjoying the movie, we both began to feel cold. Not just a little cold, but the bone-chilling type of cold.

This reminds me of stores in Florida.Air conditioning is nice - especially in the Florida summer - but it can be overdone for sure.I´ve seen people with coats on in the stores in July - smart people they are!

Catherine Nesbitt shares this joke:

THIRTY DAYS IN JAIL

Larry and Bob, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels, and discuss world problems. One day Larry didn´t show up. Bob didn´t think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something. But after Larry hadn´t shown up for a week or so, Bob really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Bob didn´t know where Larry lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.

A month had passed, and Bob figured he had seen the last of Larry, but one day, Bob approached the park and - lo and behold - there sat Larry!

Bob was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, "For crying out loud, Larry, what in the world happened to you?"

Larry replied, "I have been in jail."

"Jail!" cried Bob. "What in the world for ?"

"Well," Larry said, "you know Jane, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?"

"Yeah," said Bob, "I remember her. What about her?"

"Well, one day she filed rape charges against me, and at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I plead guilty. The darn judge gave me 30 days for perjury."

Pat Moore shares this tale of

THE PASSAGE OF TIME

A group of 15-year-old boys discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they should meet at the Dairy Queen next to the Ocean View restaurant, because they only had $6.00 among them, and Jannie Johnson, that cute girl in Social Studies, lived on that street and they might see her, and they could ride their bikes there.

Ten years later, the group of 25-year-old guys discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant, because the beer was cheap, they had free snacks, the band was good, there was no cover, and there were lots of cute girls.

Ten years later, at 35 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant, because the booze was good, it was right near the gym, and if they went late enough, there wouldn´t be too many whiny little kids.

Ten years later, at 45 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant, because the martinis were big, and the waitresses wore tight pants.

Ten years later, at 55 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant, because the prices were reasonable, the wine list was good, and fish is good for your cholesterol.

Ten years later, at 65 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant, because the lighting was good and they have an early-bird special.

Ten years later, at 75 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant, because the food was not too spicy, and the restaurant was handicapped accessible.

Ten years later, at 85 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant, because they had never been there before.

SPRING SONG

Listen, buds, it´s March twenty-first;
Don´t you know enough to burst?
Come on, birds, unlock your throats!
Come on, gardeners, shed your coats!
Come on zephyrs, come on flowers,
Come on grass, and violet showers!

And come on, lambs, in frisking flocks!
Salute the vernal equinox!
Twang the cheerful lute and zither!
Spring is absolutely hither!

Yester eve was dark despair,
With winter, winter, everywhere;
Today, upon the other hand,
´Tis spring throughout this happy land.
Oh, such is Nature´s chiaroscuro,
According to the Weather Bureau.

Then giddy-ap, Napoleon! Giddy-ap, Gideon!
The sun has crossed the right meridian!
What though the blasts of Winter sting?
Officially, at least, it´s Spring,
And be it far from our desire
To make the Weather Man a liar!

- Ogden Nash

Jay forwards these too-good-to-be-true

CHILDREN´S ANSWERS TO SCIENCE EXAM QUESTIONS

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep, and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax, and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Bruce Galway sends this dreadful pun:

THE PAINTER

There was a tradesman, a painter called Wayne, who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often would thin down paint to make it go a wee bit further.

As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Baptist Church decided to do a big restoration job on the painting of one of their biggest buildings.

Wayne put in a bid, and because his price was so low, he got the job. And so he set to erecting the trestles and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with turpentine.

Well, Wayne was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, and the sky opened, the rain poured down, washing the thinned paint from all over the church, and knocking Wayne clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.

Wayne was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got on his knees and cried: "Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?"

And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke ... (you´re going to like this)

"Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!"

NOUN GENDERS

From the Washington Post Style Invitation, in which it was postulated that English should have male and female nouns, and readers were asked to assign a gender to a noun of their choice and explain their reason.

The best submissions:

ZIPLOC BAGS - male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.

SWISS ARMY KNIFE - male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.

KIDNEYS - female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.

SHOE - male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.

COPIER - female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. Because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed. Because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.

TIRE - male, because it goes bald and often is overinflated.

HOT AIR BALLOON - male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it ... and, of course, there´s the hot air part.

SPONGES - female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGE - female, because it is always getting hit on.

SUBWAY - male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

HOURGLASS - female, because over time the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMER - male, because it hasn´t evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it´s handy to have around.

REMOTE CONTROL - female. Ha! You thought I´d say male. But consider, it gives man pleasure, he´d be lost without it, and while he doesn´t always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.

SUGGESTED WEBSITES

Don Henderson recommends this TED talk by a young Maasai boy from Kenya, who has won an award for his invention used to scare lions away:

Judy Lee forwards the URL for a video of one of the latest inventions, a bracelet that turns your arm into your new touch screen:

Shirley Coutts sends the URL to a site where you can send a message to government decision-makers highlighting your concerns about the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP), which will censor the Web, cost us money, and leave us at risk of being sued by foreign businesses if we make laws that are not in their best interest:

Tom Telfer forwards this link to a video of an English country garden, accompanied by Jimmie Rodgers singing the same song:

Tom Williamson sends this link to a video of a new system that uses vacuum extraction to remove blood clots from inside arteries, and a concept for a machine that will be able to remove cholesterol plaques from blood arteries:

Call on our Prime Minister to reject China´s demand for a West Coast pipeline and oil tanker port on the B.C. coast, part of Beijng´s plan to buy Canadian oil companies and lock in access to the oil sands for decades. Click on

This homeless man not only made sure a young woman got home safely; he caused her to change her mind about people she sees on the street:

Tesco will give all unsold food to charity in its 800 UK supermarkets:

The Humane Society International asks that you sign their petition asking China to ban the products of the cruel commercial seal slaughter which is still going on in Canada:

To check out the features of the "freedictionary", which changes daily, go to