Home  >> Stories  >> The Tale Spinner #2016-21

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IN THIS ISSUE

• Mike Yeager writes about a visit to another city in Vietnam
• Shirley Coutts forwards a story about Catholic shampoo
• Barbara Wear sends a tale of a navigational first
• Bruce Galway forwards interesting facts about golf
• Rafiki shares a raspberry peach cake recipe
• Catherine Nesbitt´s story is about an absent-minded professor
• Betty Audet sends dumb questions asked at Banff National Park
• Sites are recommended by Barbara Wear, Bruce Galway, Catherine Nesbitt, and Tom Telfer

Mike Yeager blogs about

THE "HOMESTAY" IN HOI ANH

The local bus from Danang south to Hoi Anh took about an hour. Bus drivers in Vietnam have assistants who take care of the passengers, help them on and off the bus, and load and unload luggage and packages. On the sleeper buses, the assistants were often pushy and rude, but the assistant on this local bus was a friendly older man who treated the passengers with respect and performed his duties earnestly.

The bus became overcrowded quickly. Katie and I had seats, but others had to stand in the aisle. A woman climbed onto the bus carrying a large basket filled with her products to sell. The assistant helped her on, seating her on a ledge next to the driver. When a seat became available, he made sure she got it, leaving her basket up front under the watchful eye of the bus driver.

We passed by Marble Mountains, a popular tourist site. There are five mountains, each one named after one of the five elements. The area is famous for its stone sculptures and carvings. Each mountain has a cave entrance and many tunnels. During the war there was a Marine Helicopter facility near the mountains. Also, according to William Broyles´ book "Brothers in Arms," there was a Viet Cong hospital hidden in the area at the same time.

In Hoi Anh we all got off in an open lot, the end of the line. We were approached by men wanting to take us to our hotel on the backs of motorbikes. The hotel was several miles away at the other end of town and across a bridge, on Cam Nam Island. Katie and I each had a backpack and a purse, a "manly bag" in my case. It didn´t seem wise to hop on the back of these small scooters and try to hang onto our baggage. And besides, if I´m on a motorcycle, I want to be the guy driving. It´s a trust issue. We declined their offers and walked.

It was a long hot walk. We stopped for lunch and to cool off. Hoi Anh is a beautiful old town. The buildings are rustic and colorful. Right before the bridge going over to Cam Nam Island, we passed through a large open produce and fish "wet" market, bustling with people.

Our hotel was called Homeland River Home Stay, and was not really a hotel. The Home Stay program is worldwide and allows students or tourists to rent rooms in a family´s home with the idea of getting to know the people more intimately and to immerse themselves in their culture. Our Home Stay was three stories tall with many rooms. The bottom of the building was the lobby and open to the street. The family´s living quarters were behind the lobby, with the kitchen in the back.

The family who owned and ran the Home Stay consisted of a husband, wife, son, daughter-in-law, and two grandmas. We stayed there for four nights and only saw the husband a handful of times. Thuy (pronounced Twee) ran the place with the help of her son and his wife, also named Thuy, who was pregnant. Not to confuse the two women, when Katie and I talked to each other about them, we referred to the mother as "Thuy One" and the daughter-in-law as "Thuy Two." We couldn´t help but wonder if "Thuy Twee" was in the hopper.

The back of the hotel faced the river. A path ran along the river to a bridge and the main part of town. It was about a twenty-minute walk. The open air dining area in back of the Home Stay overlooked the river. Thuy One was an excellent cook. Her fried spring rolls were delicious, especially with a glass of Tiger beer. This became our appetizer of choice. I especially liked breakfast: Vietnamese coffee, eggs, and/or fried rice and a crusty baguette with butter and jam.

In the mornings we watched fishermen paddle by on their boats, and in an open field on the opposite side, locals tended a communal garden and cows grazed. One of the Thuys checked on us periodically and asked if we needed anything more. Any request we made was met with, "I can do for you."

Our first day, we met a couple from Victoria, B.C. This was their second time at the Home Stay and they had become quite close to the family. They were leaving for home the next morning, after travelling extensively for six months. They encouraged us to take over their room, which had a balcony overlooking the river, since our room didn´t have a view or balcony. Thuy didn´t have a problem with the plan, so we moved in the next day. For the next three mornings and evenings, we sat out on the balcony watching the river flow by.

Living at the Home Stay and interacting with this sweet, beautiful family, I frequently thought of a comment Anthony Bourdain uses on his show, "It doesn´t get any better than this."

ED. NOTE: For Mike´s photos of Hoi Anh, click on http://aretiredboomer.blogspot.ca/search/label/Vietnam

Shirley Coutts forwards the story of

CATHOLIC SHAMPOO

Two nuns were shopping at a 7-11 store. As they passed by the beer cooler, one nun said to the other, "Wouldn´t a nice cool beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?"

The second nun answered, "Indeed it would, sister. But I would not feel comfortable buying beer, since I am certain it would cause a scene at the checkout stand."

"I can handle that without a problem," the other nun replied. Then she picked up a six-pack and headed for the check-out. The cashier had a surprised look on his face when the two nuns arrived with a six-pack of beer.

"We use beer for washing our hair," the nun said. "Back at our nunnery, we call it Catholic shampoo."

Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter, pulled out a package of pretzel sticks, and placed them in the bag with the beer. He then looked the nun straight in the eye, smiled, and said: "The curlers are on the house."

Barbara Wear forwards this

FREAK OF NAVIGATION

The passenger steamer SS Warrimoo was quietly knifing its way through the waters of the mid-Pacific on its way from Vancouver to Australia.

The navigator had just finished working out a star fix and brought the master, Captain John Phillips, the result. The Warrimoo´s position was latitude 0 degrees x 31minutes north and longitude 179 degrees x 30 minutes west.

The date was 30 December, 1899. Know what this means?

First Mate Payton broke in, "Were only a few miles from the intersection of the Equator and the International Date Line."

Captain Phillips was prankish enough to take full advantage of the opportunity for achieving the navigational freak of a lifetime. He called his navigators to the bridge to check and double check the ship´s position. He changed course slightly so as to bear directly on his mark. Then he adjusted the engine speed.

The calm weather and clear night worked in his favour. At midnight the Warrimoo lay on the Equator at exactly the point where it crossed the International Date Line.

The consequences of this bizarre position were many.

The forward part of the ship was in the Southern Hemisphere and the middle of summer. The stern was in the Northern Hemisphere and in the middle of winter. The date in the aft part of the ship was 30 December, 1899. Forward, it was 1 January, 1900.

This ship was therefore not only in two different days, two different months, two different seasons and two different years, but in two different centuries, all at the same time.

Bruce Galway asks if you ever wonder why golf is growing in popularity, and why people who don´t even play go to tournaments or watch it on TV? These truisms may shed light on reasons why:

THE GAME OF GOLF

Golf is an honourable game, with the overwhelming majority of players being honourable people who don´t need referees.

Golfers don´t have some of their players in jail every week.

Golfers don´t scratch their privates on the golf course.

Golfers don´t kick dirt on, or throw bottles at, other people.

Professional golfers are compensated in direct proportion to how well they play.

Golfers don´t get per diem and two seats on a charter flight when they travel between tournaments.

Golfers don´t hold out for more money, or demand new contracts, because of another player´s deal.

Professional golfers don´t demand that the taxpayers pay for the courses on which they play.

When golfers make a mistake, nobody is there to cover for them or back them up.

The PGA Tour raises more money for charity in one year than the National Football League does in two.

You can watch the best golfers in the world up close, at any tournament, including the majors, all day, every day for $25 or $30. The cost for a seat in the nosebleed section at the Super Bowl is around $300 or more.

You can bring a picnic lunch to the tournament golf course, watch the best in the world, and not spend a small fortune on food and drink. Try that at one of the taxpayer-funded baseball or football stadiums. Someone brought a Coke into Camden Yards last year, and an usher came to their seat and told them that had to dispose of it, or they would not be allowed to stay in the stadium.

In golf you cannot fail 70% of the time and make $9 million a season, like the best baseball hitters (.300 batting average) do.

Golf doesn´t change its rules to attract fans.

Golfers have to adapt to an entirely new playing area each week.

Golfers keep their clothes on while they are being interviewed.

Golf doesn´t have free agency.

In their prime, Greg Norman, Arnold Palmer and other stars would shake your hand and say they were happy to meet you; in his prime, Jose Canseco wore T-shirts that read "Leave Me Alone."

You can hear birds chirping on the golf course during a tournament.

Ladies are welcome players.

At a golf tournament, (unlike at taxpayer-funded sports stadiums and arenas) you won´t hear a steady stream of four-letter words and nasty name calling while you´re hoping that no one spills beer on you.

Golf courses don´t ruin the neighbourhood.

Rafiki shares this recipe, which looks yummy and is low in sugar:

RASPBERRY PEACH DELIGHT

1 prepared 8-in. sugar-free angel food cake cut into 1-in. cubes
1 3-oz pkg. of sugar-free raspberry Jello
1 cup boiling water1 cup cold water
1 16-oz. can light peach slices
3 cups fat-free milk
1 1.5-oz pkg. sugar-free vanilla pudding
1 8-oz. carton of light Cool Whip (optional)

Arrange cake cubes on the bottom of a 9x13 pan.
Dissolve Jello in boiling water, then stir in cold water.
Pour Jello over cake.
Arrange peaches over Jello.
Mix together milk and pudding; spread over peaches.
Top with Cool Whip.
Refrigerate at least two hours before cutting.

Catherine Nesbitt sends this story of

THE ABSENT-MINDED PROFESSOR

One morning as Professor Thompson was leaving for the college, his wife told her absent-minded husband, "Don´t forget we are moving today. If you come to this house this afternoon it will be empty."

Predictably, he didn´t remember until he found the house vacated that afternoon. He mumbled to himself, "And where was it we were moving to?"

He went out in front of the house and asked a little girl, "Did you see a moving van here today, little girl?"

"Yes," she replied.

"Can you tell me which way it went?"

She looked up at him and said, "Yes, Daddy, I´ll show you."

Betty Audet sends these questions that have been asked at the information kiosks managed by Parks Canada:

ALL-TIME DUMBEST QUESTIONS ASKED BY BANFF PARK TOURISTS

How do the elk know they´re supposed to cross at the "Elk Crossing" signs?

At what elevation does an elk become a moose?

Tourist: "How do you pronounce ´elk´?"
Park Information Staff: "´Elk.´"
Tourist: "Oh."

Are the bears with collars tame?

Is there anywhere I can see the bears pose?

Is it okay to keep an open bag of bacon on the picnic table, or should I store it in my tent?

Where can I find Alpine flamingos?

I saw an animal on the way to Banff today - could you tell me what it was?

Are there birds in Canada?

Did I miss the turn-off for Canada?

Where does Alberta end and Canada begin?

Do you have a map of the State of Jasper?

Is this the part of Canada that speaks French, or is that Saskatchewan?

If I go to B.C., do I have to go through Ontario?

Which is the way to the Columbia Rice Fields?

How far is Banff from Canada?

What´s the best way to see Canada in a day?

Do they search you at the B.C. border?

When we enter B.C., do we have to convert our money to British pounds?

Where can I buy a raccoon hat? ALL Canadians own one, don´t they?

Are there phones in Banff?

So it´s eight kilometres away … is that in miles?

We don´t have the decibel system, you know.

Where can I get my husband really, REALLY, lost??

Is that two kilometres by foot or by car?

Don´t you Canadians know anything?

Where do you put the animals at night?

Tourist: "How do you get your lakes so blue?"
Park staff: "We take the water out in the winter and paint the bottom blue."
Tourist: "Oh!"

SUGGESTED SITES

Barbara Wear sends the URL for a site showing the Olympic flame and waterfall for the 2016 Olympic Games in Rio de Janeiro:

Bruce Galway forwards this link to the Ana Yang Gazillion Bubble Show:

Catherine Nesbitt suggests you check out this video of the top 10 best cat commercials:

Tom Telfer forwards the URL for a two-minute history of the world created by a 17-year-old student for a high school assignment:

Tom also sends this link to a video of a model railway running through a garden created by Bud Lutz:

A South American experiment seeks to find if potatoes could be grown on Mars as a food source for future astronauts. They also hope the data will help them better understand how this staple may be affected by climate change on Earth:

A Romanian grandma saves hundreds of dogs and cats from freezing:

In this TED talk, Raffaello D´Andrea describes the flying machines of the future, the drones:

One use of drones is shown in this video of an aerial journey over Sweden and Norway:

This video shows birds in flight and at rest, a truly astonishing film:

To check out the features of the "freedictionary," which changes daily, go to