Home  >> Stories  >> The Tale Spinner #2016-33

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IN THIS ISSUE

• This article shows why there should be no special occasions
• Jean Sterling is reminded of a black woman´s kindness
• Miriam Ockenden suggests some ways to manage stress
• Here is a poem about a small dash
• Shirley Conlon sends an example of Irish generosity
• Things are not the same as they used to be
• Bruce Galway suggests names for new dog cross-breeds
• This story claims that old age is not for sissies
• Tom Telfer forwards some mixed metaphors
• Sites are suggested by Barbara Wear, Shirley Conlon, and Tom Telfer

Kathleen Deedrick forwards this article written by Ann Wells:

NO SPECIAL OCCASION

My brother-in-law opened the bottom drawer of my sister´s bureau and lifted out a tissue-wrapped package. "This," he said, "is not a slip. This is lingerie." He discarded the tissue and handed me the slip. It was exquisite; silk, handmade and trimmed with a cobweb of lace. The price tag with an astronomical figure on it was still attached. "Jan bought this the first time we went to New York, at least eight or nine years ago. She never wore it. She was saving it for a special occasion. Well, I guess this is the occasion." He took the slip from me and put it on the bed with the other clothes we were taking to the mortician. His hands lingered on the soft material for a moment, then he slammed the drawer shut and turned to me. "Don´t ever save anything for a special occasion. Every day you´re alive is a special occasion."

I remembered those words through the funeral and the days that followed when I helped him and my niece attend to all the sad chores that follow an unexpected death. I thought about them on the plane returning to California from the Midwestern town where my sister´s family lives. I thought about all the things that she hadn´t seen or heard or done. I thought about the things that she had done without realizing that they were special.

I´m still thinking about his words, and they´ve changed my life. I´m reading more and dusting less. I´m sitting on the deck and admiring the view without fussing about the weeds in the garden. I´m spending more time with my family and friends and less time in committee meetings. Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of experience to savour, not endure. I´m trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them.

I´m not "saving" anything; we use our good china and crystal for every special event - such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped, the first camellia blossom.

I wear my good blazer to the market if I feel like it. My theory is if I look prosperous, I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag of groceries without wincing. I´m not saving my good perfume for special parties; clerks in hardware stores and tellers in banks have noses that function as well as my party-going friends.

"Someday" and "one of these days" are losing their grip on my vocabulary. If it´s worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and do it now. I´m not sure what my sister would have done had she known that she wouldn´t be here for the tomorrow we all take for granted. I think she would have called family members and a few close friends. They might have called a few former friends to apologize and mend fences for past squabbles. I like to think she would have gone out for a Chinese dinner, her favourite food. I´m guessing - I´ll never know.

It´s those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew that my hours were limited. Angry because I put off seeing good friends whom I was going to get in touch with - someday.

Angry because I hadn´t written certain letters that I intended to write - one of these days. Angry and sorry that I didn´t tell my husband and daughter often enough how much I truly love them.

I´m trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or save anything that would add laughter and luster to our lives.

And every morning when I open my eyes, I tell myself that it is special. Every day, every minute, every breath truly is a gift.

CORRESPONDENCE

Jean Sterling writes about the story in the last issue about a stranger stopping to help a black man whose car had broken down: "This story reminded me of an incident in my life.

"My car had ´died,´ and I was walking along Route One, a fairly busy road. A black lady with a little boy in her car stopped beside me and offered me a ride. I remember thinking she would be OK as she had a small boy in the car, and I got in.

"She drove me to a gas station where I was able to make a call for assistance (this being long before cell phones). I thanked her and offered her some gas money, and she refused, saying that she saw a woman in trouble and woman-to-woman she wanted to help me out. She added that she thought I wouldn´t hesitate to accept her offer of a ride - that with her ´little man´ in the car, I would figure she was OK. She did have one request however - she asked that I pray for her ´little man´."

Miriam Ockenden suggests ways to deal with the burdens of life:

STRESS MANAGEMENT

* Accept that some days you´re the pigeon, and some days you´re the statue.

* Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

* Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

* If you can´t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

* Never buy a car you can´t push.

* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won´t have a leg to stand on.

* Nobody cares if you can´t dance well. Just get up and dance.

* Since it´s the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

* The second mouse gets the cheese.

* When everything´s coming your way, you´re in the wrong lane.

* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

* You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

* We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty, and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

* A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

THE DASH BETWEEN THE YEARS

I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone,
From the beginning ... to the end.

He noted that first came her date of birth,
And spoke the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years.

(1934 - 1998)

For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth,
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not how much we own,
The cars ... the house ... the cash;
What matters is how we live and love,
And how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard.
Are there things you´d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
That can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
To consider what´s true and real,
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,
And show appreciation more,
And love the people in our lives
Like we´ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect,
And more often wear a smile,
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.

So when your eulogy´s being read,
With your life´s actions to rehash ...
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?

Shirley Conlon forwards this touching story:

THE SELFLESS IRISH

The Irish never hesitate to come to the aid of their fellow man - air passengers in this case.

Shortly after take-off on an outbound, evening Aer Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston, the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful announcement in her lovely Irish brogue: "Ladies and gentlemen, I´m so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up by our catering service. I don´t know how this has happened, but we have 103 passengers on board, and unfortunately, we received only 40 dinner meals. I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience."

When the muttering of the passengers had died down, she continued,"Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat will receive free and unlimited drinks for the duration of our 10-hour flight."

Her next announcement came about two hours later: "If anyone is hungry, we still have 40 dinners available."

THINGS JUST AREN´T THE SAME ANYMORE

Everything is farther away than it used to be. It is twice as far to the corner and I notice that they have added a hill. I´ve given up running for the bus because it leaves faster than it used to. It seems they´re making stairs steeper than in the old days too, and have you noticed the smaller print they are using in the newspaper? There is no sense in asking anyone to read aloud; everyone speaks in such a low voice I can hardly hear them.

The material in clothes - so skimpy now around the waist. It´s almost impossible to reach my shoelaces and I can´t figure out why. Even people are changing. They are so much younger than they used to be when I was their age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran across an old classmate the other day and she had aged so badly, she didn´t recognize me! I got to thinking about the poor thing while I was combing my hair this morning, and in so doing, I glanced at my reflection; really now, they just don´t make good mirrors anymore.

Bruce Galway sends these

NEW NAMES FOR RECENT DOG CROSS-BREEDS

Collie + Lhasa Apso - Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport

Spitz + Chow Chow - Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot

Pointer + Setter - Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet

Great Pyrenees + Dachshund - Pyradachs, a puzzling breed (paradox)

Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso - Peekasso, an abstract dog

Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel - Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle

Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever - Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists

Newfoundland + Basset Hound - Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors

Terrier + Bulldog - Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes

Bloodhound + Labrador - Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly at the front entrance

Malamute + Pointer - Moot Point, owned by ... oh, well, it doesn´t matter anyway

Collie + Malamute - Commute, a dog that loves to car-pool

Deerhound + Terrier - Derriere, a dog with a great butt

Bull Terrier + ShihTzu - Oh, never mind

OLD AGE IS NOT FOR SISSIES...

I have always dreaded old age. I cannot imagine anything worse than being old.... How awful it must be to have nothing to do all day long but stare at the walls or watch TV.

So last week, when the mayor suggested we all celebrate Senior Citizen Week by cheering up a senior citizen, I determined to do just that. I would call on my new neighbour, an elderly retired gentleman, recently widowed, who, I presumed, had moved in with his married daughter because he was too old to take care of himself.

I baked a batch of brownies, and without bothering to call (some old people cannot hear the phone), I went off to brighten this old guy´s day.

When I rang the doorbell this "old guy" came to the door dressed in tennis shorts and a polo shirt, looking about as ancient and decrepit as Donny Osmond.

"I´m sorry I can´t invite you in," he said when I introduced myself, "but I´m due at the Racquet Club at two. I´m playing in the semi-finals today."

"Oh, that´s all right," I said. "I baked you some brownies...."

"Great!" he interrupted, snatching the box. "Just what I need for bridge club tomorrow! Thanks so much!"

"...and just thought we´d visit a while. But that´s okay! I´ll just run across the street and call on Granny Grady...."

"Don´t bother," he said. "Gran´s not home; I know. I just called to remind her of our date to go dancing tonight. She may be at the beauty shop. She mentioned at breakfast that she had an appointment for a tint job."

I called my mother´s cousin (age 83); she was in the hospital ... working in the gift shop. I called my aunt (age 74); she was on vacation in China. I called my husband´s uncle (age 79). I forgot; he was on his honeymoon.

I still dread old age, now more than ever. I just don´t think I´m up to it.

Tom Telfer sends these gems from a book by Richard Lederer, "Anguished English":

THE BEST OF MIXED UP METAPHORS

I wouldn´t be caught dead in that movie with a ten-foot pole.

The sacred cows have come home to roost with a vengeance.

She´ll get it by hook or ladder.

The bankers´ pockets are bulging with the sweat of the honest working man.

That´s a very hard blow to swallow.

These hemorrhoids are a real pain in the neck.

The slowdown is accelerating.

That snake in the grass is barking up the wrong tree.

When we get to that bridge, we´ll jump.

Don´t sit there like a sore thumb.

Everyone whose ox has been gored is going to be squealing.

It´s time to swallow the bullet.

It´s time to grab the bull by the tail and look it in the eye.

The budget deficit is an albatross we carry on our back.

The sword of Damocles is hanging over Pandora´s Box.

It´s as easy as falling off a piece of cake.

I was so surprised you could have knocked me over with a fender.

Let dead dogs sleep.

Stop beating a dead horse to death.

I regret to inform you that the hand that rocked the cradle has kicked the bucket.

From now on, I´m watching everything you do with a fine-tuned comb.

That guy´s out to butter his own nest.

I would not have gone in there over my dead body.

Many cities and towns have community gardening programs that need a little more help to get off the ground.

He threw a wet towel on the meeting.

We´ve got to be careful about getting too many cooks into this soup, or somebody´s going to think there´s dirty work behind the crossroads.

We both had crewcuts, which made our ears stick out like sore thumbs.

In our school, freshmen are on the lowest rungs of the totem pole.

He´s between a rock and the deep blue sea.

Let us nip this political monkey in the bud before it sticks to us like a leech.

He was a very astute politician with both ears glued to the ground.

I do hope that you don´t think I´ve been making a mountain out of a mole hill, but that´s the whole kettle of fish in a nutshell.

HONESTLY - IT WAS THIIIIIIS BIG!

A small town doctor was famous in the area for always catching large fish.

One day while he was on one of his frequent fishing trips, he got a call that a woman at a neighbouring farm was giving birth. He rushed to her aid and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The farmer had nothing to weigh the baby with so the doctor used his fishing scales. The baby weighed 32 lb. 10 oz.

SUGGESTED SITES

Barbara Wear and Shirley Condon forward this link to an inspiring video from this year´s Paralympics entitled "Yes I Can!":

Shirley Coutts sends the URL for a video of a dancing family in a spirited Irish dance:

Tom Telfer sends this link to an eye-opening video which shows what a 13-year-old boy can buy in the U.S.:

There are thousands of free eBooks available on the internet. Here are three of the best sites where you can download free books:

This animated video is about the last 300 years of civilization, from the start of industrialization up to the present. Now that we´re reaching the end of cheap and abundant oil, we´re in for an exciting ride:

This compilation of 253 videos results in the best of the web:

Here are 10 simple tricks that you can use to turn your microwave into an awesome machine that you cannot live without:

Barefoot College in India is teaching illiterate middle-aged women to be solar engineers. Worldwide, they have brought solar expertise to over 750 villages in 19 coutries, that´s over 19,000 households that lacked electricity:

Miami-Dade county in Florida opened its first ever "adoption mall," an air-conditioned, high-tech building where potential adopters can "shop" for their new furry best friend without even realizing they´re in a shelter. If only all shelters could look like this:

Men and women react differently to medicine, disease, and pain, but most medical research is done on men. This can be a deadly problem:

To check out the features of the "freedictionary," which changes daily, go to