Home  >> Stories  >> The Tale Spinner #2016-39

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IN THIS ISSUE

• This Heroic Story tells how a helpful biker changed a woman´s attitude
• Betty Audet shares children´s comments about grandparents
• Don Henderson forwards an article about retiring in Florida
• Allison Ford writes about the many uses of white vinegar
• Tom Williamson sends kids´ answers to questions about the Bible
• Sites are suggested by Tom Telfer, Tom Williamson, and Tony Lewis

From Heroic Stories, Shawna Thayer writes about being in

110 DEGREES AND NO SHADE

I moved to Phoenix, Arizona, for graduate study at Arizona State University. It´s seemed to me that "big city" people were less friendly and helpful than the Wisconsin folk I grew up with. People´s crankiness got worse as temperatures rose, too, so summers in Arizona weren´t particularly pleasant.

Until a friendly stranger proved me wrong.

On the first day of September, I was driving home from work with my baby boy sleeping in the back seat. My rear right tire blew out at 70 miles per hour. Luckily, I pulled off the road safely, but it was 110 degrees. The car´s AC was running, but with no shade, it was warming quickly.

It would take roadside assistance over an hour to arrive. I thought about children getting too hot in a car, and if a car whizzing by would hit us.

Now, I can change a tire under less-stressful situations. In fact, my father wouldn´t let me get my driver´s license until I could change a tire completely on my own. But with a six-month-old infant and cars cruising by so fast and close, I didn´t know what to do. I was frazzled and frustrated.

Just then, a bright yellow motorcycle pulled behind me. The driver pulled off his helmet and came to my door. In his early 20?s with blond hair and big blue eyes, he smiled, "Do you need help changing your tire? I can help if you have the equipment."

Though I was wary about such situations, something in his face assured me he was a genuine and kind person. A mechanical engineering student at ASU, "Justin" said he didn´t get many opportunities to use his skills, so was happy to help.

Justin wouldn´t let me touch a thing. When I asked what I could do, he said to pop the car´s hood so the radiator wouldn´t overheat (the AC was on for the baby). I was so frazzled I had trouble with the latch, so he found it. I would´ve felt worse if Justin hadn´t been so kind. "Why don´t you just wait inside the car and keep your baby happy?"

With the spare on, Justin made sure I knew where the nearest tire place was, even offering to follow me there. When I tried to give him money in gratitude, he absolutely refused. "I´m happy I could help. Keep your money." I tried again, saying I would´ve paid more in towing charges, but he wouldn´t budge. I thanked him over and again. He waited behind me until I merged onto the freeway, and waved as I exited at the first ramp.

This young man was a lifesaver to me. I´m so grateful he came to my aid. I´d been sure that the only really nice people resided in the Midwest, but now I knew good people are everywhere! I knew I would help someone else in the future the way Justin selflessly helped me.

ED. NOTE: As always, you can comment on this story or get your own free subscription by clicking on

CORRESPONDENCE

Jean Sterling is reminded of learning to drive by my comments in last week´s issue: My first driving lesson was with my father, who was not a patient man, and it was a disaster. Lesson #1 was backing out of the driveway. After several shouts of "You´re driving on my lawn! Now you´re driving on Mr. Handley´s lawn!" we moved to a road that had no traffic (the road did have several trees, however).

Things did not go much better there, so my dad decided I should cash in a savings bond and take driving lessons from a pro. The pro was a former bus driver who exuded confidence in my ability to drive a car. I remember he drove up to my house, and I went to get in on the passenger side, and he immediately directed me to the driver´s seat. I drove down the road, and he had me go to where there was a red light and some traffic, and, wonder of wonders, I did fine. Of course I guess it helped that he had a dual brake on his side of the car.

I think the fellow who administered my road test had some kind of stomach problem. I remember he groaned a lot, but I did pass the test - even the parallel parking.

I remember when I would drive my parents, my dad would sit in the front seat and ask, "What are you moping along for?" and my mother would sit in the back seat and say, "Don´t go too fast, dear!" My mother also had the disconcerting habit of praying. Audibly.

In answer to my appeal for material for the Spinner, Jean writes: A word for swimming. Swimming is the best lifetime activity around. It´s a great form of exercise. I had a hip replacement about two years ago, and my foot bothers me to the point that makes walking somewhat a chore. However, I can still go to the Y and swim about 1800 yards (about a mile) with no trouble at all.

Tom Telfer writes: Thank you for your historical report of your experiences in the printing trade. You were a pioneer and are still going strong. You have accomplished so much in your life. Congratulations!

ED. NOTE: Thank you for your kind words, Tom! If I were still capable of it, I would be blushing. ;)

Betty Audet forwards these comments about

GRANDPARENTS

A group of eight-year-olds was asked to write a paper about their grandparents, and what they wrote is priceless:

Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. They like other people´s.

A grandfather is a man, and a grandmother is a lady!

Grandparents don´t have to do anything except be there when we come to see them.... They are so old they shouldn´t play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money.

When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.

They show us and talk to us about the colours of the flowers and also why we shouldn´t step on "cracks."

They don´t say, "Hurry up."

Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.

They wear glasses and funny underwear.

They can take their teeth and gums out.

Grandparents don´t have to be smart.

They have to answer questions like "Why isn´t God married?" and "How come dogs chase cats?"

Whey they read to us, they don´t skip. They don´t mind if we ask for the same story all over again.

Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don´t have television because they are the only grownups who like to spend time with us.

They know we should have a snack before bed time, and they say prayers with us and kiss us even when we´ve acted bad.

Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I don´t get to see him enough to get as smart as him.

Don Henderson shares this letter from a retired correspondent:

FLORIDA RETIREMENT

A few years ago, my wife and I moved into a retirement development on Florida´s southeast coast. We are living in the "Delray/ Boca/Boynton Golf, Spa, Bath and Tennis Club on Lake Fake-a-Hachee."

There are 3,000 lakes in Florida; only three are real. Our biggest retirement concern was time management. What were we going to do all day?

No longer. Let me assure you, passing the time is not a problem. Our days are eaten up by simple, daily activities. Just getting out of our car takes 15 minutes. Trying to find where we parked takes 20 minutes. It takes a half-hour in the check-out line in Wal-Mart, and one hour to return the item the next day.

Let me take you through a typical day: We get up at 5:00 am, have a quick breakfast and join the early morning Walk-and-Fart Club. There are about 30 of us, and rain or shine, we walk around the streets, all talking at once. Every development has some late risers who stay in bed until 6:00 am.

After a nimble walk, avoiding irate drivers out to make us road kill, we go back home, shower, and change for the next activity.

My wife goes directly to the pool for her underwater Pilates class, followed by gasping for breath and CPR. I put on my "Ask me about my Grandchildren" T-shirt, my plaid mid-calf shorts, my black socks and sandals and go to the clubhouse lobby for a nice nap. Before we know it, it´s time for lunch.

We go to Costco to partake of the many tasty samples dispensed by ladies in white hair nets. All free! After a filling lunch, if we don´t have any doctor appointments, we might go to the flea market to see if any new white belts have come in or to buy a Rolex watch for $2.00.

We´re usually back home by 2:00 p.m. to get ready for dinner. People start lining up for the early bird about 3:00 p.m., but we get there by 3:45 because we´re late eaters. The dinners are very popular because of the large portions they serve. We can take home enough food for the next day´s lunch and dinner, including extra bread, crackers, packets of mustard, relish, ketchup, and Splenda, along with mints.

At 5:30 pm we´re home, ready to watch the 6:00 o´clock news. By 6:30 p.m. we´re fast asleep. Then we get up and make five or six trips to the bathroom during the night, and it´s time to get up and start a new day all over again.

Doctor-related activities eat up most of our retirement time. I enjoy reading old magazines in sub-zero temperatures in the waiting room, so I don´t mind. Calling for test results also helps the days fly by. It takes at least a half-hour just getting through the doctor´s phone menu. Then there´s the hold time until we´re connected to the right party. Sometimes they forget we´re holding, and the whole office goes off to lunch.

Should we find we still have time on our hands, volunteering provides a rewarding opportunity to help the less fortunate. Florida has the largest concentration of seniors under five feet and they need our help. I myself am a volunteer for "The Vertically Challenged Over 80." I coach their basketball team, The Arthritic Avengers. The hoop is only 4-1/2 feet from the floor. You should see the look of confidence on their faces when they make a slam dunk.

Food shopping is a problem for short seniors, or "bottom feeders" as we call them, because they can´t reach the items on the upper shelves. There are many foods they´ve never tasted. After shopping, most seniors can´t remember where they parked their cars and wander the parking lot for hours while their food defrosts.

Lastly, it´s important to choose a development with an impressive name. Italian names are very popular in Florida. They convey world travellers, uppity sophistication, and wealth. Where would you rather live: Murray´s Condos or the Lakes of Venice? There´s no difference - they´re both owned by Murray, who happens to be a cheap bastard.

I hope this material has been of help to you future retirees. If I can be of any further assistance, please look me up when you´re in Florida. I live in the Leaning Condos of Pisa in Boynton Beach.

Allison Ford describes 23 uses for

WHITE VINEGAR

About 10,000 years ago, ancient people discovered a product that would change lives forever. Wine had been around for a while, but after some was allowed to oxidize, vinegar was born. It became an immediate hit. The Babylonians used vinegar as a preservative, as did Ancient Greeks and Romans. Some peoples, including the Chinese, believed that vinegar was a tonic that would give them strength and vitality, as well as bestow healing properties. Legend has it that Hannibal only succeeded in crossing the Alps because his armies heated mountain boulders and doused them with vinegar, causing the rocks to crumble and clear the path.

Vinegar´s magic ingredient is acetic acid, which comprises about 5 percent of the finished product. Vinegar has been produced commercially for about 2,500 years, making it one of the oldest products in use by humans. There are many different types of vinegar out there, all produced by the oxidization of alcohol into acetic acid, but white vinegar is the most useful and the most versatile by far.

White vinegar has dozens of household applications, and the best part is that it´s green. It´s enjoying a newfound popularity as many people try to avoid toxic or harsh cleaning chemicals around their pets and children, as well as save money by making their own cleansers. Not to mention that vinegar is cheap, it´s versatile, and it doesn´t irritate allergies like some fragranced cleansers. Chances are, whenever you run into a household funk, vinegar is your answer.

Kitchen Remedies: Besides adding zest to salad dressings, white vinegar is handy for many cooking tasks.

1. Adding a few tablespoons of white vinegar to the water when poaching eggs helps the whites stay formed. Add a few tablespoons to the water when boiling eggs, and if any shells crack, the whites won´t leak out.

2. If your leafy veggies are wilted, soaking them in cold water with a little vinegar can perk them right up.

3. After chopping an onion, you can eliminate the odour from your hands by rubbing them with a bit of white vinegar.

4. When cooking any vegetables from the cabbage family (like broccoli or cauliflower), adding a little vinegar to the water will perk up the taste and reduce the gassiness they can induce. This also works when cooking beans, making Mexican food a far more attractive option.

Cleaning House: Vinegar can help with a variety of cleaning tasks, since the acid acts as a disinfectant and an odour neutralizer.

5. Clean and deodorize the garbage disposal by mixing equal parts vinegar and baking soda and putting it down the drain. After letting this fizzing mixture sit for a few minutes, flush out the drain with warm water for a clean and stink-free sink.

6. The steam from a boiling a bowl of vinegar and water can loosen caked-on food and get rid of odours in the microwave, too.

7. One of my favourite vinegar remedies and my personal weapon against fruit flies is to set out a small dish of white vinegar and some smashed fruit, covered with plastic wrap with some holes in it-the flies crawl into the trap, but can´t get out.

8. If your stemware is cloudy from the dishwasher, wrap the glasses in paper towels soaked in vinegar, let them sit, and the cloudy deposits will rinse right off.

9. There´s no need to use bleach on tile grouting when you can let vinegar soak on it and then scrub with a toothbrush.

10. Bring lightly scuffed or dirty DVDs back to life by wiping them down with some vinegar on a soft cloth.

11. If you have water condensation marks on your wood, just rub the piece of furniture with equal parts vinegar and vegetable oil to remove them. Make sure to rub with the grain, and then invest in a set of coasters.

Cleaning Clothes: Vinegar works magic on upholstery and fabric, too.

12. If a child has an ´accident´ on a mattress, clean it with a solution of vinegar and water. Afterwards, pour some baking soda onto the mattress, and brush or vacuum the residue once it´s dry.

13. Spraying vinegar onto deodorant-stained shirts before the wash can remove the discolouration. It´s also great for fighting mustard, tomato sauce, or ketchup stains.

14. Adding a cupful of vinegar to the rinse cycle of your washing machine can freshen up bright colours and give you cleaner laundry. Acetic acid won´t harm fabrics, but it dissolves the soap residue that can dull dark clothing. It also acts as a fabric softener, a static reducer, and a mildew-inhibitor.

15. Vinegar will also loosen chewing gum stuck to car upholstery, rugs, and carpeting.

Outdoor Solutions: Tough enough even for the outdoors, vinegar can function as a car cleaner and an organic pest remover.

16. If your car still sports a bumper sticker from two elections ago, remove it by spraying the decal with white vinegar to saturate the area, and the sticker will peel off in a few hours. (You might need to spray it a few times.)

17. Wiping down your car windows and windshield with a three-to-one vinegar-water mixture can keep them frost-free in the wintertime.

18. Kill weeds and crabgrass growing in sidewalks and driveways by pouring vinegar onto them. A half-and-half solution of vinegar and water can even kill garden slugs if it´s sprayed directly onto them.

19. To extend the life of cut flowers, add a few tablespoons of vinegar to the water in their vase, along with a teaspoon of sugar.

Pet Protection: There´s no need to use chemicals near pets when vinegar can handle most cleaning and bathing tasks.

20. Wipe out itchy ears with undiluted vinegar to keep dogs and cats from scratching at them.

21. Cats avoid vinegar, so to keep them from scratching furniture or sitting on certain areas, spray a vinegar solution onto the spot.

22. For outdoor areas, soak a sponge in vinegar and place it in the forbidden area to keep cats away. If kitty likes to mark his territory, spraying the area with vinegar can help eliminate the smell and deter recurrences.

23. Vinegar also gets rid of skunk odour. Soak the animal with a half-and-half vinegar and water solution, and then rinse with fresh water.

Vinegar can disinfect, deodorize, and de-gunkify just about everything. From shower curtains to sofa cushions, there´s not much that it can´t do. As an alternative to expensive and harsh cleaning chemicals, vinegar is something you can feel good about keeping in your cupboards. White vinegar and baking soda can even remove product buildup from hair and leave it soft and manageable. A product that can clean you, the dog, your car, and your house is what I´d call a good, green buy.

Tom Williamson forwards these

BIBLICAL INTERPRETATIONS

Imagine a nun sitting at her desk grading these papers, all the while trying to keep a straight face and to maintain her composure. Pay special attention to the wording and spelling. If you know the Bible even a little, you will find this hilarious. It comes from a Catholic elementary school test.

Kids were asked questions about the old and new Testaments. The following statements about the Bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected. Incorrect spelling has been left in:

In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis. God got tired of creating the world so he took the Sabbath off.

Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah´s wife was Joan of Ark. Noah built and ark and the animals came on in pears.

Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.

The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.

Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles.

Moses led the Jews to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread without any ingredients.

The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the ten Commandments.

The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

Moses died before he ever reached Canada then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.

The greatest miricle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

Solomon, one of David´s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found Jesus in the manager.

Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

St. John the Blacksmith dumped water on his head.

Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.

It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.

The epistels were the wives of the apostles.

One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.

St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.

Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

SUGGESTED WEBSITES

Tom Telfer sends a link to a performance of some amazing driving skills using regular Hyundai Elantra and Hyundai Tiburon cars:

Tom Williamson suggests this video, which was a parody encouraging people to see past stereotypes and to recognize the unique potential that millennials have:

Tony Lewis forwards the URL for a video of what the 10 Commandments would look like if they were written today:

This cool video made by an astrophysicist shows a woman relaxing on the grass - before zooming out to show the universe one billion light years away:

If you agree that Canada needs an electoral system that makes every vote count, click here to send your MP a link to Fair Vote Canada´s submission to the Electoral Reform Committee:

From the Penn & Teller Fool Us show, the amazing Allison performs mind-reading tricks:

Sometimes our cats´ actions bewilder us, so this site explains some of our pets´ bizarre behaviour:

For photos of daring people interacting with water, click on

Tom Rush sings The Remember Song, which reminds me of my own short-term memory problem:

In this TED talk, Julia Bacha maintains that nonviolent campaigns are 100 percent more effective than violent ones, and that women can wage conflict without violence:

To check out the features of the "freedictionary," which changes daily, go to