Home  >> Stories  >> The Tale Spinner #2016-47

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IN THIS ISSUE

• In this Heroic Story, a woman confronts a crowd
• Burke Dykes maintains that happiness is a journey
• Irene Harvalias tells the story of an aspiring lawyer
• Shirley Conlon sends some timely quotes
• Catherine Nesbitt forwards vignettes about engineers
• Here are some interesting bumper stickers
• Sites are suggested by Barbara Wear, Don Henderson, and Tom Telfer

From Heroic.Stories, here is an unforgettable memory by Jeff Simms of Barnegat, New Jersey:

BUCKING THE CROWD

It was a nippy fall day, our favorite kind of weather. It was Saturday, and we were going to have a great time. My divorced mother, two younger brothers and I were on our way to the park at the other end of the small Jersey town we lived in. We had our football and makeshift goal posts in the back of the station wagon and our teams already chosen: us against our mother. (Don´t worry, it was only touch football.)

On the way we approached a small bar where an agitated crowd had formed outside. Suddenly there was a terrible tension in the air. "Uh, oh!" one of my brothers said. "Shhh," my mother told him. I got an uneasy feeling in the gut of my stomach. I´d always had a certain uneasiness about crowds. Fear actually. When I was only about five, we were living in North Manhattan and I had witnessed a crowd yelling for a suicidal man atop an apartment building to jump. It left me with a bad impression of what decent, normal people are capable of when in the crowd mentality.

I wanted out of there and shouted to my mother to speed up. Instead, she slowed! She pulled to the curb on the opposite side of the street. We were a few dozen feet from six or seven people cheering on a drunken fight. It was definitely crowd mentality, all right, the same whether it was in a city or a small town.

To our horror our mother got out, locking us boys in. "Stay put, guys," she said. We didn´t unlock the car but we did open the windows about half way. To our astonishment our beautiful, petite mother defiantly walked through the ruckus, went up to the two brawlers and shouted to the one on top. "Get off him right now! You´ll kill him!"

It was as forceful as she had ever sounded. I´ll never forget her standing there with her hands on her hips (her "mad-as-hell" stance which we knew very well,) seemingly oblivious to the others around her. Two men in the crowd must have been humbled by her audacity because they broke rank from the rest and separated the two combatants. In the distance we heard a siren. Minutes later a police car pulled up and we got going again. The whole incident took no more than ten minutes, but it has been seared in my memory ever since.

From the back seat my youngest brother kept his arms lovingly around our mother´s neck as she drove, while my other brother and I just stared in utter amazement at her all the way to the park. I learned a great lesson that day from our petite mother. I learned that I really had nothing to fear from a crowd like that - as long as I never become a part of it.

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Burke Dykes sends this philosophical piece:

HAPPINESS IS A JOURNEY

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren´t old enough and we´ll be more content when they are.

After that, we´re frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage. We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, when we are able to go on a nice vacation, or when we retire.

The truth is there´s no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges. It´s best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway. Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time with ... and remember that time waits for no one.

So, stop waiting...

Until your car or home is paid off.

Until you get a new car or home.

Until your kids leave the house.

Until you go back to school.

Until you finish school.

Until you lose 10 pounds.

Until you gain 10 pounds.

Until you get married.

Until you get a divorce.

Until you have kids.

Until you retire.

Until summer.

Until spring.

Until winter.

Until fall.

Until you die.

There is no better time than right now to be happy. Happiness is a journey, not a destination. So work like you don´t need the money, love like you´ve never been hurt, and dance like no one´s watching.

Irene Harvalias forwards this story about

THE LAWYER

Joe grew in Shaunavon, Sask., then moved to Saskatoon to attend law school.After graduating, he decided to go back to Shaunavon because he felt he could be a big shot at home.

He really wanted to impress everyone, so he returned and opened his new law office.

The first day he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived.

As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone.

He motioned the man in, all the while talking on the phone: "No. Absolutely not! You tell those clowns in Toronto that we won´t settle this case for less than one million. Yes, the Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I´ll be handling the primary arguments and the other members of my team will provide support. Okay, tell the Crown Attorney that I´ll meet with him next week to discuss the details."

The "conversation" went on for almost five minutes. All the while the man sat patiently as Joe rattled instructions.

Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man, "I´m sorry for the delay but as you can see, I´m very busy. What can I do for you?"

The man replied, "I´m from SaskTel and I came to hook up your phone."

Shirley Conlon sends these timely

GREAT QUOTES

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a government.-John Adams

If you don´t read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.- Mark Twain

Suppose you were an idiot.And suppose you were a member of government. But then I repeat myself- Mark Twain

I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. -Winston Churchill

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.- George BernardShaw

Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.-Douglas Casey

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. -P. J. O´Rourke

Civil LibertarianGovernment is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavours to live at the expense of everybody else.-Frederic Bastiat,French economist(1801-1850)

I don´t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.- Will Rogers

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it´s free!- P.J. O´Rourke

In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. - Voltaire (1764)

Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn´t mean politics won´t take an interest in you!- Pericles (430 B.C.)

No man´s life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.-Mark Twain (1866)

Talk is cheap ... except when government does it.-Anonymous

The government is like a baby´s alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other.-Ronald Reagan

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.-Mark Twain

What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.-Edward Langley,Artist (1928-1995)

A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. -Thomas Jefferson

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.-Aesop

Catherine Nesbitt forwards these hints for

UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, ´Take what you want.´"

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice, The clothes probably wouldn´t have fit you anyway."

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What´s with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don´t know, but I´ve never seen such inept golf!"

The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let´s have a word with him." He said, "Hello, George. What´s wrong with that group ahead of us? They´re rather slow, aren´t they?"

The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That´s a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That´s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I´m going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there´s anything she can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can´t they play at night?"

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons; civil engineers build targets.

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Normal people believe that if it ain´t broke, don´t fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain´t broke, it doesn´t have enough features yet.

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I´ll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I´ll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I´ll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."

Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I´ve told you I´m a beautiful princess and that I´ll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won´t you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I´m an engineer. I don´t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that´s cool."

BUMPER STICKERS REPORTED AROUND TOWN

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition

Few women admit their age; few men act it

It´s lonely at the top, but you eat better

Warning: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot

He who laughs last thinks slowest

SUGGESTED WEBSITES

Barbara Wear forwards this link to a video of a garage repair shop in Australia with "class A mechanics" resurrecting an old wreck:

Barbara also forwards the URL for a video of three young farmers who share a look at their lives as farmers through their creative parody of popular songs:

Don Henderson sends the URL for a silent movie of Toronto in 1943, in the middle of the war years:

Tom Telfer forwards this test to determine your reaction time to stopping a car. You are driving down a road when you see a big red hand flash in front of you. The time it takes you to slam on your brakes tells how old you are when it comes to driving:

Tom also sends this link to a video of two magicians, Barry and Stewart, who are amazing and funny at the same time:

For those who are in despair at the results of the US elections, here is some good news:

When wolves were reintroduced to Yellowstone National Park after being absent for nearly 70 years, something miraculous happened. The process started from the top of the food chain and reached the base. It changed the entire ecosystem - even the rivers:

In this TED talk, social psychologist Jonathan Haidt discusses how a divided America can heal:

To check out the features of the "freedictionary," which changes daily, go to