Home  >> Stories  >> The Tale Spinner #2016-53

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IN THIS ISSUE

• Here is the story of a courageous act by a petite woman
• Don Henderson writes an encouraging note to the editor
• Burke Dykes forwards an article about the important things in life
• Betty Audet sends some amusing doctors´ experiences
• Shirley Conlon shares sayings with unexpected endings
• Barbara Wear forwards an article about balance
• The editor reflects on the history of the Spinner
• Sites are suggested by Barbara Wear, Marilyn Magid, and Tom Telfer

From Heroic.Stories, here is an unforgettable memory by Jeff Simms of Barnegat, New Jersey:

BUCKING THE CROWD

It was a nippy fall day, our favorite kind of weather. It was Saturday, and we were going to have a great time. My divorced mother, two younger brothers and I were on our way to the park at the other end of the small Jersey town we lived in. We had our football and makeshift goal posts in the back of the station wagon and our teams already chosen: us against our mother. (Don´t worry, it was only touch football.)

On the way we approached a small bar where an agitated crowd had formed outside. Suddenly there was a terrible tension in the air. "Uh, oh!" one of my brothers said. "Shhh," my mother told him. I got an uneasy feeling in the gut of my stomach. I´d always had a certain uneasiness about crowds. Fear actually. When I was only about five, we were living in North Manhattan and I had witnessed a crowd yelling for a suicidal man atop an apartment building to jump. It left me with a bad impression of what decent, normal people are capable of when in the crowd mentality.

I wanted out of there and shouted to my mother to speed up. Instead, she slowed! She pulled to the curb on the opposite side of the street. We were a few dozen feet from six or seven people cheering on a drunken fight. It was definitely crowd mentality, all right, the same whether it was in a city or a small town.

To our horror our mother got out, locking us boys in. "Stay put, guys," she said. We didn´t unlock the car but we did open the windows about half way. To our astonishment, our beautiful, petite mother defiantly walked through the ruckus, went up to the two brawlers and shouted to the one on top, "Get off him right now! You´ll kill him!"

It was as forceful as she had ever sounded. I´ll never forget her standing there with her hands on her hips (her "mad-as-hell" stance which we knew very well,) seemingly oblivious to the others around her. Two men in the crowd must have been humbled by her audacity because they broke rank from the rest and separated the two combatants. In the distance we heard a siren. Minutes later a police car pulled up and we got going again. The whole incident took no more than ten minutes, but it has been seared in my memory ever since.

From the back seat my youngest brother kept his arms lovingly around our mother´s neck as she drove, while my other brother and I just stared in utter amazement at her all the way to the park. I learned a great lesson that day from our petite mother. I learned that I really had nothing to fear from a crowd like that - as long as I never become a part of it.

ED. NOTE: To comment on the above story, or to get your own free subscription to this site, click on

CORRESPONDENCE

Don Henderson writes: Another year ... another job well done.

I wish I could contribute some stories, but the last 18 months, we both have been not well, so no energy to produce.

You do a terrific amount of work and turn out a first-class publication. Keep up the great output!

ED. NOTE: Thank you for your kind words, Don! It is comments like yours that keep me editing The Tale Spinner.

Burke Dykes reminds us of

THE IMPORTANT THINGS IN LIFE

A philosophy professor stood before his class with some items on the table in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, about two inches in diameter.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up the remaining open areas of the jar.

He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "Yes."

"Now," said the professor, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health, your children - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter - like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else, the small stuff.

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party, or fix the disposal.

"Take care of the rocks first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

- Author Unknown

Betty Audet forwards these stories from doctors:

MEDICAL EXAMS

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife´s going to have her baby in the cab." I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady´s dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs and I was in the wrong one. - Dr. Mark MacDonald San Francisco

At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient´s anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yeath, they used to be," replied the patient. - Dr. Richard Byrnes Seattle

One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart." - Dr. Susan Steinberg

During a patient´s two-week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I´m running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn´t see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one. - Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk,VA

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered, "Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive." - Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis,OR

I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked, "So how´s your breakfast this morning?" "It´s very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can´t seem to get used to the taste,"Bob replied. I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly." - Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit

A nurse was on duty in the emergency room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that read "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient´s dressing, which said, "Sorry - had to mow the lawn." - RN no name

As a new young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment, I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing, and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I´m sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was ´I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.´" - Dr. wouldn´t submit his name.

A woman and a baby were in the doctor´s examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby´s first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed. "Breast-fed," she replied. "Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, "No wonder this baby is underweight. You don´t have any milk." "I know," she said, "I´m his grandma, but I´m glad I came." - Dr. wouldn´t submit his name

Shirley Conlon writes: Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected, and is frequently humorous. (Winston Churchill loved them.)

PARAPROSDOKIANS

Where there´s a will, I want to be in it.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you ... but it´s still on my list.

Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If I agreed with you, we´d both be wrong.

We never really grow up - we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right, only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

I didn´t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

In filling out an application, where it said, "In case of emergency, notify...." I answered, "A doctor."

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

I used to be indecisive, but now I´m not so sure.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Going to church doesn´t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

You´re never too old to learn something stupid.

I´m supposed to respect my elders, but it´s getting harder and harder for me to find one now. Sadly, this is true, so spread the laughter, share the cheer; let´s be happy while we´re here.

Barbara Wear sends this information important to us as we grow older:

IMPROVING BALANCE AS YOU AGE

Each year, 2.8 million older Americans are treated in emergency rooms for fall-related injuries. One in five of these adults incurs a serious injury, such as a broken bone or head injury.

These injuries often lead to changes in the body and mind; new limitations in physical mobility are made worse by the fear of falling again. For many older adults, these combined changes lead to less physical activity, more social isolation, and an overall decrease in quality of life.

When balance is preserved, it carries into every aspect of your life: your ability to exercise, head out to see family and friends, stay on top of household tasks, and more. Balance in body adds up to balance in life: when you can hold your center of physical gravity, you can choose daily activities that reflect your ambitions, not your limitations.

Many of the changes that lead to balance problems are associated with conditions that are common as we age, including:

• Inner ear problems, such as an abnormal buildup of calcium particles (also known as benign paroxysmal positional vertigo or BPPV) or damage related to ear infections
• Side effects from medications, from high blood pressure prescriptions to painkillers
• Head injuries
• Low blood pressure
• Arthritis
• Eye or muscle imbalances

In some cases, the cause of balance problems is unknown.

Talk to your doctor if you develop symptoms common to a balance disorder. Improving balance can be as easy as making some simple lifestyle changes:

• Adopt exercise programs that strengthen your balance, such as yoga and Tai Chi.
• Adjust your medications, if necessary. Talk with your doctor or pharmacist if you notice any changes in your ability to balance while taking a medication. You may be able to switch medications or adjust your dosage.
• If Meniere´s disease is causing your balance disorder, making dietary changes, such as reducing your salt intake and eliminating caffeine and alcohol, can help. This can lower fluid buildup in your inner ear and help you manage your blood pressure.
• If orthostatic hypertension is affecting your balance, take it slowly when adjusting your posture; stand up slowly and avoid crossing your legs when you´re seated.
• Prevent ear infections. Wash your hands frequently and ask your doctor about the right schedule for your annual flu shot and other immunizations.

Above all, don´t accept that balance problems and falls are an unavoidable part of aging. By making some small lifestyle changes, you can start improving your balance so you can stay on solid ground far into your later years.

FROM THE EDITOR´S DESKTOP

This issue marks the 22nd year of publication of The Tale Spinner, and a long time it seems. I was 72 when I started it, after a message published in CARP requesting online penpals resulted in 40 replies. Thinking that I would never be able to keep up with so many correspondents, I decided to share the letters in a newsletter, and the Spinner was born.

Some of my first correspondents are with us still, though sadly, many have died. Among the lost were Dixie Augusteijn, Dick Monaghan, Ernest Blasche, Geoff Shorten, and Peter Weatherby, and I miss them all. Among those still with us are Betty Audet, Geoff Goodship, Gerrit deLeeuw, Jean Sterling, and Lotte Evans. I´m sure there are more but I can´t recall their names at the moment.

For some reason, I did not keep copies of those early letters, and many of the stories written by our members have been lost. I have only two copies from the first year, and 1996 is missing entirely. From then on I have kept copies of every issue, and many of the stories sent to me make fascinating reading.

In the first issue, as encouragement to others to send their stories, I wrote about my early life in a small logging camp on the Shuswap Lake in BC. It´s a good thing I wrote about it then because I have forgotten many of the details of that time. My memory is getting shorter as I grow older. One of these days when I am short of material, I will reprint that story, and you can skip it if you wish.

At first, people wrote about all sorts of things - the war, their early lives, their experiences with computers, their travels, their pets. Now my readers, perhaps feeling they have done their part, or feeling they have nothing interesting to write about, send far fewer stories or articles for the Spinner. Sometimes I think I´ll give up editing the newsletter, but then I get notes from readers saying that they enjoy it, and I decide that I´ll carry on for a while longer.

I wish a happy and healthy New Year to all my readers and their families and friends.

And I´ll be with you in 2017!

SUGGESTED SITES

Barbara Wear sends the URL for a mashup of old movie dance scenes which brings back a lot of memories for those of us who lived in the ´40s and ´50s:

Marilyn Magid sends this link to a troupe of high school students giving a great rendition of Hallelulia:

Tom Telfer sends the URL to a dash cam compilation from Russia that will renew your faith in human kindness:

Tom also forwards this link to a video showing the workings of Big Ben, the clock that keeps time for London:

AcroArmy impresses the judges and audience of America´s Got Talent with a beautiful performance set to "Carol of the Bells:"

In this video, a panda wrestles with a snowman at the Toronto zoo:

Ottawa is trying to rush through a secretive deal that would hand a critical provider of seniors health care to a massive, for-profit multinational investment company. To tell the Federal Government not to sell out Canada´s seniors for profit, click on

In this TED talk, David Autor asks why there are still so many jobs available when there are so many labour-saving automations being invented:

In this podcast, Brian Dunning talks about global warming, sharing a few of the most solid basics, the results of absolute measurements, over which there is no debate:

Changing how we spend our time is the key to reducing environmental impact, creating more jobs and giving us all a better life. In this brilliant short animation on the Plenitude Economy, economist and best-selling author Juliet Schor explains: "It´s a way to reclaim a human scale to our economy." The best part? It´s already happening:

Here are 22 interesting ways to use baking soda around the home:

To check out the features of the "freedictionary," which changes daily, go to