Home  >> Stories  >> The Tale Spinner #2017-28

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IN THIS ISSUE

• Crystal Anderson fondly remembers a remarkable teacher, Miss Rupp
• Shirley Conlon forwards an article comparing men to women
• Tom Williamson sends this story about a group of older firefighters
• Betty Audet forwards examples of clean humour
• Carol Shoemaker shares a way to get rid of phone solicitors
• Sites are suggested by Catherine Nesbitt, Marilyn Magid, and Tom Telfer

Crystal Anderson from Iowa writes in Heroic Stories:

HATS OFF, MISS RUPP!

It was 1952 and I was a sophomore in high school. An algebra class was dealing me fits and it wasn´t sinking into my dull brain. The language of algebraic terms threw me for a loop. My teacher was Miss Rupp, and my fear of her was second to none other I had faced before.

Miss Rupp of the stern face and forbidding nature left me quaking in my white buck shoes. I hoped that she would not call on me for any answer. I knew I would not know the answer, and her eagle eyes told me that she knew I wouldn´t know the answer.

Luck ran out one day and she called my name, told me to come to the blackboard and work the problem she would give me. I stood in front of that blackboard, my nose just a few inches away from it, and stared at the problem. My hand with the chalk in it didn´t move. Why bother? I didn´t know how to work the blasted problem.

Finally Miss Rupp took the chalk and did this and that and came up with the answer. "Miss Stogdill, you can return to your seat," she told me.

"Yes, Miss Rupp," I said, with my head down, as I slunk back to my seat.

It seemed forever before our class was over and once it was, I headed for the door, ready for the great escape. I almost made it, but then I heard Miss Rupp say, "Miss Stogdill, I would like to see you at my desk."

Inside I was saying, "But I don´t want to see you," but I turned and made my way to stand before her.

"Miss Stogdill, you are having far too much trouble with algebra. You definitely need some help. If you can come in after school, I will help you until you understand the concept of algebra," she said.

What a relief, help! I agreed to come in and I did so. She spent time with me each night I could come in until I understood what she was trying to teach me. I ended up my time in her class with a B average and I owe it all to a woman who was more than an average teacher. She was an extraordinary teacher, one who went the whole way with her students.

I was not the only one who benefited from this woman´s teaching. It was years before I fully understood how much Miss Rupp cared for us; her stern and forbidding nature covered up a big heart, filled with love for those she taught. Indeed, when she walked in to watch a school sports game, she was cheered more often than not. She was respected and she had earned it.

She is long gone from this world we live in, but whenever I think of her, I say to myself, "Hats off, Miss Rupp! You deserve it."

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Shirley Conlon forwards this opinion piece:

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE THAN WOMEN!

What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don´t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress, $5000. Tux rental, $100.

People never stare at your chest when you´re talking to them. New shoes don´t cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes - one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier.

NICKNAMES

- If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

- If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba, and Wildman.

EATING OUT

- When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave, and John will each throw in $20, even though it´s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.

- When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

- A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

- A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn´t need but it´s on sale.

BATHROOMS

- A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

- The average number of items in the typical woman´s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

- A woman has the last word in any argument.

- Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

- A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

- A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE

- A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn´t.

- A man marries a woman expecting that she won´t change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

- A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

- A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

- Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

- Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

- Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

- A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

- A married man should forget his mistakes. There´s no use in two people remembering the same thing!

Tom Williamson sends this story about

THE OLD FIREFIGHTERS

One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and before you could snap your fingers, it exploded into roaring flames and the alarm went out to the volunteer fire departments from miles around.

When the volunteer firefighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved! I will give $50,000 to the engine company that brings them out intact." The fire chief ordered his men to strengthen their attack on the fire.

After two hours of fighting the fire, another department was called in and the president of the chemical company offered $100,000 to the firefighters who could bring out the company´s secret files.

From a distance, a loud siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the local volunteer fire company composed entirely of men over the age of 65. To everyone´s amazement, the little fire engine raced past everyone and drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside, the other firemen watched as the oldtimers jumped off their rig and began to fight the fire with a performance and effort never seen before. Within a short time, the oldtimers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas.

The grateful chemical company president joyfully announced that for such a super-human feat, he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave elderly firefighters.

The local TV news reporters rushed in after capturing the exciting event on film. One of them asked, "What are you going to do with all that money?

"Well," said the 70-year old fire chief, "the first thing we are going to do is fix the brakes on the truck!"

Betty Audet forwards these examples of

CLEAN HUMOUR

While I sat in the reception area of my doctor´s office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room. As she went to the receptionist´s desk, the man sat there, alone and silent. Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy slipped off his mother´s lap and walked over to the wheelchair.

Placing his hand on the man´s, he said, "I know how you feel. My mom makes me ride in the stroller too."

As I was nursing my baby, my cousin´s six-year-old daughter, Krissy, came into the room. Never having seen anyone breastfeed before, she was intrigued and full of all kinds of questions about what I was doing. After mulling over my answers, she remarked, "My mom has some of those, but I don´t think she knows how to use them."

Out bicycling one day with my eight-year-old granddaughter, Carolyn, I got a little wistful. "In ten years," I said, "you´ll want to be with your friends and you won´t go walking, biking, and swimming with me like you do now."

Carolyn shrugged. "In ten years you´ll be too old to do all those things anyway."

Working as a paediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children. One day I entered the examining room to give four-year-old Lizzie her needle.

"No, no, no!" she screamed. "Lizzie," scolded her mother, "that´s not polite behaviour." With that, the girl yelled even louder, "No, thank you! No, thank you!"

On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson innocently said to my son, "Dad, I know babies come from mommies´ tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?"

After my son hemmed and hawed a while, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust, "You don´t have to make up something, Dad. It´s okay if you don´t know the answer."

Paul Newman founded the Hole in the Wall Gang Camp for children stricken with cancer, AIDS, and blood diseases. One afternoon, he and his wife, Joanne Woodward, stopped by to have lunch with the kids.

A counsellor at a nearby table, suspecting the young patients wouldn´t know Newman was a famous movie star, explained, "That´s the man who made this camp possible. Maybe you´ve seen his picture on his salad dressing bottle?"

Blank stares.

"Well, you´ve probably seen his face on his lemonade carton."

An eight-year-old girl perked up. "How long was he missing?"

His wife´s graveside service was just barely finished when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance.

The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, "Well, she´s there."

Carol Shoemaker suggests a cure for a common nuisance:

TELEMARKETING SOLICITORS

Steve Rubenstein, a writer for the San Francisco Chronicle, has proposed "Three Little Words" based on his brief experience in a telemarketing operation, that would stop the nuisance for all time. The three little words are, "Hold on, please."

Saying this while putting down your phone and walking off instead of hanging up immediately would make each telemarketing call so time-consuming that boiler rooms would grind to a halt. When you eventually hear the phone company´s beep-beep-beep tone, you know it´s time to go back and hang up your phone, which has efficiently completed its task.

This might be one of those articles you´ll want to e-mail to your friends. Three little words that eliminate telephone soliciting: "Hold on, please."

SUGGESTED WEBSITES

Catherine Nesbitt forwards this link to a video of a ventriloquist and his dog in a funny act at Britain´s Got Talent:

http://tinyurl.com/mma5p5l

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Marilyn Magid shares this very funny video which shows an invention centuries ahead of its time:

Tom Telfer sends the URL for a four-minute clip that shows a feat of balance that will have you holding your breath:

In this TED talk, Allan Savory describes a way to stop desertification and turn it back into fertile land:

Add your name to this petition to stop Canada from opening a new marine protected area to oil and gas exploration:

Round-the-clock care from a sanctuary staff and the arrival of a sniffer dog has set this baby elephant on the road to recovery:

From the National Observer, here is an article by Sandy Garossino which asks "What if Omar Khadr isn´t guilty?" and points out all the conflicting evidence given against him and the fact that there were no witnesses. A must read.

This site has 10 video guides to destinations in Southeast Asia, from Shanghai in the north to Bali in the south:

From the Huffington Post, here are some surprising animal thieves: