Home  >> Stories  >> The Tale Spinner #2017-32

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IN THIS ISSUE

• In Heroic Stories, Ed Eudy of Auburn, Wash., describes a breakdown
• Carolanne Wright tells about a company that turns lawns into gardens
• Betty Audet shares some puns for educated minds
• Catherine Nesbitt forwards the story of an ambidextrous woman golfer
• Tom Telfer and Tom Williamson suggest interesting websites

In Heroic Stories, Ed Eudy of Auburn, Washington, describes a breakdown

ON THE ORCHARD ROAD

In 1997 my family decided to go see my sister-in-law on Independence Day in Tonasket, Washington, a five-hour drive from our home in Seattle. Much of the last part of the trip is through endless miles of apple orchards. We hit the road at around 8:00 in the evening.

About an hour after leaving the last large town, we got a flat tire. No problem, I thought - we had checked the spare before we left and it was fully inflated and never used. So we got out the flashlights, the spare tire, jack and lug wrench. My nephew volunteered to change the flat, but after getting the old tire off, he turned around and said that the spare wouldn´t go on.

I looked closer and noticed the lugs didn´t match the hole pattern in the rim of the tire. That´s when I saw the spare said "Chrysler Motors." Our car was a Pontiac. We had bought the car used from a friend.

Surrounded by apple trees on a small two-lane highway, it was 35 miles back to the nearest town. It was also 35 miles ahead to the next town, and late into the night on a holiday eve.

I decided to have the family stay with the car along with my nephew while I hitchhiked to the next town. There I stood, beside the car, with the family hiding in the orchard so as not to scare off any potential ride. After what seemed like an hour, a pickup stopped and the driver said I could have a ride.

I told him about the family staying with the car. He insisted they come too, so we all crowded into the back of the truck and away we went.

We arrived in Brewster at around midnight and the only place open was a gas station/fast food restaurant. After hearing of our dilemma, the cook offered the kids pizzas, and said he knew the owner of the only tire store in town.

He called and found the man was away for the holiday. But the young man who answered the phone worked for him. He said he could help since he had the key to the store, and he ran right over and picked me up.

I left my family at the restaurant while he and I drove the 35 miles back to the car with a new tire and rim. He insisted on changing the tire himself, and then refused when I offered him proper compensation, saying the old rim would be enough payment. At last I managed to shove twenty dollars into his shirt pocket. He waited for me to start the car and followed me back to Brewster, making sure I would be OK.

We were only three hours late arriving at my sister-in-law´s house. The immense generosity of those total strangers, and how they all went out of their way to help my family, was the highlight of a truly great weekend.

ED. NOTE: To comment on this story, or to get your own free subscription to Heroic Stories, click on http://www.heroicstories.org

Carolanne Wright, contributing writer for Wake Up World, describes

FLEET FARMING

If you´re anything like me, America´s obsession with ornamental lawns seems nothing short of folly at best, sheer polluting waste at worst. Many are unaware that lawns are one of the largest sources of pollution in the US, with 40 million acres under cultivation, they absorb three million tons of chemical fertilizers and 30,000 tons of pesticides, and use 800 million gallons of gasoline for mowing each year.

And for what? A green patch that serves very little purpose, yet creates staggering pollution. Meanwhile, we have a severe need for more localized food systems and access to affordable produce in neighborhoods throughout the US.

We can complain and fume about this state of affairs, or we can do something about it. Recognizing there had to be a better way, the idea of Fleet Farming was born.

Did you know that in the US, each meal travels about 1,500 miles from farm to table? Or that for every calorie we consume, 10 calories of fossil fuel are used? Granted, a good number of us are savvy farmers-market shoppers during the summer, and community-supported agriculture (CSA) is growing in leaps and bounds. But what if we could develop a system that´s "hyper-local" - where produce for personal consumption, local farmers´ markets and restaurants is grown within a five-mile radius? Better yet, where all produce is grown on micro-farms - otherwise known as "farmlettes" - where unproductive, wasteful lawns have been transformed into community-driven farm plots.

What if this was taken one step further, where a bike-powered fleet is used, instead of gasoline-powered vehicles, for all transportation of produce? And fossil fuel consumption is significantly slashed, not only during production and transportation, but also by reducing the emissions from mowing lawns and the use of chemical fertilizers and herbicides. Sound far fetched? Not if your an innovative organization called Fleet Farming in Orlando, Florida.

In 2013, John Rife, owner of East End Market, introduced the world to his idea of Fleet Farming at The Hive, Orlando, part of the IDEAS For US foundation - a "think and do tank" where citizens can present their solutions for global challenges. Within a couple of months, John and other participants in IDEAS For US refined his concept further.

Then, in February 2014, Fleet Farming launched its pilot program, where the team converted five homeowner lawns to farmlettes. By summer of that year, word was out about the program, and Fleet Farming was awarded a $5,000 grant for expansion. In January of 2015, they received another $10K in grants from 1% For the Planet and the Cliff Bar Foundation. By August, 15 farmlettes were in production and had sold over $7,000 in produce. Fleet Farming recouped all its start up costs in the very first year - not including a single grant they received.

Fleet Farming outlines the requirements for program participants:

"Any landowner (or renter with owner consent), can donate their chemical-free lawn to Fleet Farming. If the area is optimal for growing, we will arrange a site assessment and schedule the installation. Each landowner must sign a two-year agreement with a suggested donation of $500 to the cover start-up costs (subsidies available for those who qualify). With over 300 lawns donated in our first two years, we have developed a wait-list for the Orlando area and hope to have at least eight Fleet Farming branches with a total of 200 farmlettes throughout Central Florida neighborhoods by 2020."

In return, farmlette hosts are allowed to harvest a share of the produce for their own use. While Fleet Farming is responsible for maintaining the plot, hosts are encouraged to take part in the farming process.

Fleet Farming also offers Fleet Fruit Gleaning, where fruit tree owners register their trees for harvesting. Once registered, the owner sends a quick e-mail to Fleet Fruit when the fruit begins to ripen. The team will then come and harvest it, which will then be sold. When all is said and done, the owner receives a tax-deductible receipt in the amount sold for the donated fruit. The owner further benefits by having under harvested fruit removed from their property, thereby avoiding the attraction of pests and rodents due to fallen fruit. The only requirement is that the fruit trees be "chemically untreated and organically nurtured."

Currently, Fleet Farming and Fruit Gleaning grows and sells a variety of seasonal produce.

The organization also offers educational programs.

Want to learn more about Fleet Farming and how to get involved? Have a look at their website here:

ED. NOTE: This sounds like a great idea to me, and perhaps Canadians can do something like this, even though we do not have such a long growing season as Florida does.

Betty Audet sends these

PUNS FOR EDUCATED MINDS

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur´s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it´ll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: "You stay here; I´ll go on a head.:

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: "Keep off the Grass."

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it´s your vote that counts. In feudalism it´s your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you´d be in Seine.

21. A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I´m sorry, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly, it sank, proving once again that you can´t have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I´ve lost my electron. "The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I´m positive."

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Catherine Nesbitt forwards this story of the

AMBIDEXTROUS WOMAN GOLFER

A group of men live and die for their Saturday morning golf game. One transfers to another city and they´re lost without him.

A new woman joins their club. When she hears the guys talking about their golf round she says, "I played on my college´s golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week "

No-one wants to say "yes," but they´re on the spot. Finally, one man says, "Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m." He figures the early tee-time will discourage her.

The woman says this may be a problem and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late. They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay." However, she´s there at 6:30 a.m. sharp, and beats all of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round. She´s fun and pleasant and the guys are impressed. They congratulate her and invite her back the next week. She smiles, and says, "I´ll be there at 6:30 or 6:45."

The next week she again shows up at 6:30 sharp. Only this time, she plays left-handed. The three guys are incredulous as she still beats them with an even-par round, despite playing with her off-hand. They´re totally amazed. They can´t figure her out. She´s very pleasant and a gracious winner. They invite her back again, but each man harbours a burning desire to beat her.

The third week, she´s 15 minutes late, which irritates the guys.

This week she plays right-handed, and narrowly beats all three of them. The men grumble that her late arrival is petty gamesmanship on her part. However, she´s so charming and complimentary of their strong play, they can´t hold a grudge.

This woman is a riddle no-one can figure out. They have a couple of beers in the clubhouse, and finally, one of the men asks her, "How do you decide if you´re going to golf right-handed or left-handed"

The lady blushes, and grins. "When my Dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous," she replies. "I like to switch back and forth.

"When I got married after college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I leave in the morning for golf practice, I pull the covers off him. If his willie points to the right, I golf right-handed; if it points to the left, I golf left-handed."

The guys think this is hysterical. Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys says, "What if it´s pointing straight up?"

She says, "Then, I´m fifteen minutes late."

SUGGESTED SITES

Tom Telfer sends this link to a Johnny Carson show starring Dom DeLuise - slapstick as an antidote to all the bad news:

Tom also forwards the URL for a video of Canadian artist Serge Belo creating the world´s largest artistic (rain)water mosaic to raise awareness of the global clean water crisis:

Tom Williamson forwards this link to a couple of talented seniors dancing the boogie woogie:

Here is everything you need to know about the total eclipse of the sun on August 21:

In this TED talk, David Baron says you owe it to yourself to experience a total eclipse:

The world´s largest air purifier transforms Chinese smog into actual jewels:

Salt Lake City has made great strides in getting its homeless people off the streets and into permanent housing:

Do you wonder what cats are trying to say when they meow? Watch this video to find out: