Home  >> Stories  >> The Tale Spinner #2018-08

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IN THIS ISSUE

• Terry Galen writes about the burial of negative statements
• Burke Dykes shares an essay on how to judge your life
• Marilyn Magid forwards nine things to remember as we grow older
• Irene Harvalias sends an example of putting one´s affairs in order
• Tom Telfer forwards some mixed-up metaphors
• Sites are suggested by Shirley Coutts and Tom Telfer

Terry Galen from Ontario sent this story to Heroic Stories:

I CAN´T

Donna had volunteered her fourth-grade class to participate in a program to empower students to take charge of their lives. My job was to help implement the program. On my first visit to her classroom I took a seat in the back.

All students were filling a sheet of notebook paper with ideas. The 10-year-old next to me was writing "I Can´ts" - "I can´t kick the soccer ball past second base. I can´t do long division with more than three numerals. I can´t get Debbie to like me." Her page half full, she showed no signs of letting up. I walked, glancing at student papers. Everyone described "I Can´t" versus "I Can".

Curious why they dwelt on the negative, I decided to ask Donna - but she, too, was busy writing. "I can´t get John´s mother to come for a teacher conference. I can´t get my daughter to put gas in the car. I can´t get Alan to use words instead of fists." Still curious, I returned to my seat.

Students wrote another 10 minutes, then were instructed to fold their papers in half and put them into an empty shoe box. Donna added hers, put the lid on the box, tucked it under her arm, and headed down the hall.

Students followed teacher. I followed students. Halfway down the hall, Donna got a shovel from the custodian´s room. Then she marched the students to the farthest corner of the playground.

Digging took ten minutes because most of the fourth-graders wanted a turn. The box of "I Can´ts" was placed in the hole and covered with dirt. Thirty-one 10- and 11-year-olds stood around the grave. Donna announced, "Please join hands and bow your heads." They formed a circle, lowered heads and waited.

Donna delivered the eulogy. "Friends, we gather today to honour the memory of ´I Can´t.´ While with us here on earth, he touched everyone´s lives, some more than others. We have provided ´I Can´t´ with a final resting place. He is survived by ´I Can´, ´I Will´, and ´I´m Going to Right Away´. They are not as well known as their relative - but with your help, perhaps they will make a greater mark on the world. May everyone here pick up their lives and move forward in his absence."

Back in the classroom Donna held a wake. They celebrated the passing of "I Can´t" with cookies, popcorn, and fruit juice. Donna cut a large tombstone from butcher paper. She wrote "I Can´t" at the top, RIP in the middle, the date at the bottom, and posted it on the wall. On rare occasions when a student forgot and said, "I Can´t", Donna simply pointed to the RIP sign. The student remembered "I Can´t" was dead - and rephrased the statement.

I wasn´t one of Donna´s students. She was one of mine. Yet that day I learned an enduring lesson from her. Years later, I still envision that fourth grade class laying "I Can´t" to rest.

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Burke Dykes shares this reflection on

THE SEASONS OF LIFE

There was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn to not judge things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away.

The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in summer, and the youngest son in the fall.

When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe what they had seen.

The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted.

The second son said no - it was covered with green buds and full of promise.

The third son disagreed. He said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen.

The last son disagreed with all of them. He said it was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and fulfilment.

The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they had each seen but one season in the tree´s life.

He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one season, and that the essence of who they are - and the pleasure, joy, and love that come from that life - can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up.

If you give up when it´s winter, you will miss the promise of your spring, the beauty of your summer, fulfilment of your fall.

Don´t judge a life by one difficult season. Don´t let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest.

Marilyn Magid forwards

NINE IMPORTANT FACTS TO REMEMBER AS WE GROW OLDER

#9 Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

#8 Life is sexually transmitted.

#7 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

#6 Men have two motivations: hunger and hanky-panky, and they can´t tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

#5 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won´t bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

#4 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

#3 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

#2 In the ´60s, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.

#1 Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow.

Irene Harvalias sends this example of

PUTTING ONE´S AFFAIRS IN ORDER

The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, I´ve got some bad news. You have terminal cancer, and you´d best put your affairs in order."

The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.

"Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don´t go so well. In this case, things aren´t well. I have terminal cancer. So let´s head to the club and have a champagne."

After three or four champagnes, the two were feeling a little less sombre. There were some laughs and more champagne.

They were eventually approached by some of the woman´s old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating. The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end. "I´ve been diagnosed with AIDS."

The friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences, and beat a hasty retreat.

After the friends left, the woman´s daughter leaned over and whispered, "Mum, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that?"

"Because I don´t want any of those bitches sleeping with your father after I´m gone."

And that, my friends, is what is called, "Putting Your Affairs In Order."

Tom Telfer sends these gems from a book by Richard Lederer, "Anguished English":

THE BEST OF MIXED-UP METAPHORS

I wouldn´t be caught dead in that movie with a ten-foot pole.

The sacred cows have come home to roost with a vengeance.

She´ll get it by hook or ladder.

The bankers´ pockets are bulging with the sweat of the honest working man.

That´s a very hard blow to swallow.

These hemorrhoids are a real pain in the neck.

The slowdown is accelerating.

That snake in the grass is barking up the wrong tree.

When we get to that bridge, we´ll jump.

Don´t sit there like a sore thumb.

Everyone whose ox has been gored is going to be squealing.

It´s time to swallow the bullet.

It´s time to grab the bull by the tail and look it in the eye.

The budget deficit is an albatross we carry on our back.

The sword of Damocles is hanging over Pandora´s Box.

It´s as easy as falling off a piece of cake.

I was so surprised you could have knocked me over with a fender.

Let dead dogs sleep.

Stop beating a dead horse to death.

Regret to inform you that the hand that rocked the cradle has kicked the bucket.

From now on, I´m watching everything you do with a fine-tuned comb.

That guy´s out to butter his own nest.

I would not have gone in there over my dead body.

Many cities and towns have community gardening programs that need a little more help to get off the ground.

He threw a wet towel on the meeting.

We´ve got to be careful about getting too many cooks into this soup, or somebody´s going to think there´s dirty work behind the crossroads.

We both had crewcuts, which made our ears stick out like sore thumbs.

In our school, freshmen are on the lowest rungs of the totem pole.

He´s between a rock and the deep blue sea.

Let us nip this political monkey in the bud before it sticks to us like a leech.

He was a very astute politician with both ears glued to the ground.

I do hope that you don´t think I´ve been making a mountain out of a mole hill, but that´s the whole kettle of fish in a nutshell.

SUGGESTED SITES

Shirley Coutts forwards this link to a video of a man with a mind-controlled robotic arm. Prosthetics have advanced drastically in recent years, and he will be reporting on his experiences to researchers:

Tom Telfer sends the URL for a funny video showing how easy it was for watchers to switch from analog to digital TV:

In this TED talk, Eva Kruse talks about ways in which the fashion industry can become more socially responsible and reduce its environmental effects:

This video gives a look at the growing movement towards natural, or green, burials:

A Chicago man asked for 10 volunteers to help his elderly neighbours in a snowstorm, and couldn´t believe the response:

This site discusses 25 ways in which Canadians are different from Americans. See if you agree:

In this Good News story, a dying man posts on Facebook to ask to someone to find a new home for one of his dogs, and the response is overwhelming: