Home  >> Stories  >> The Tale Spinner #2018-14

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IN THIS ISSUE

• In this Heroic Story, David McLaughlan meets an extraordinary older woman
• Shirley Conlon forwards the seniors´ illustration for the month of April
• Catherine Nesbitt sends the story of Adam and Eve´s animals
• Kate Brookfield tells about the qualifications women look for in men
• Irene Harvalias shares some random thoughts
• Sites are suggested by Barbara Wear, Catherine Nesbitt, and Tom Telfer

David McLaughlan of Ayrshire, Scotland, sent this story to Heroic Stories:

EXTRA ORDINARY

It was just another nothing much kind of day, in January 2009. I´d done a little shopping and was walking home with nothing much on my to-do list. I overtook a wee old lady. To be honest, she hardly registered on my radar. Just another ordinary old lady.

Then she carefully sat one of her shopping bags down, straightened up and took a deep breath. The bag held a big box of soap powder. I could´ve carried it all day without noticing, but she hadn´t made it fifty yards from the shop before stopping.

I walked past ... then turned back and asked if she needed a hand. She explained that normally she had a shopping cart and the box wouldn´t have been a problem. But as she hadn´t much money, the soap was too good a bargain to miss.

While she explained I picked up the bag and we started walking. I asked her where she was going, then lied and said it was exactly on my way.

A few steps along I realized I had to walk really slowly so not to tire her out, which gave us plenty of time to chat. But what would we talk about?

She said she was 92 in a month. Then said she was retired from The Salvation Army. She´d joined as a teenager, met her husband, her only love, at the Army College. Then they´d set out on a life of service together. She talked about the work in poor, inner-city areas. How her husband had died suddenly thirty years ago while they were both out doing the good work.

She had so looked forward to growing old with him, and didn´t understand why it happened, but was absolutely sure it was part of the bigger plan.

Wow! As I listened, my admiration grew.

I walked her to her door, despite her protests that it must be out of my way. There Mrs. Thompson and I introduced ourselves and shook hands. I said it was a real pleasure to meet her. She said when I stopped she saw I had a good face.

Walking away, so much ran through my mind. I was touched she´d said I had a good face. I know only too well how badly my heart would fare if held up to public inspection, so if my face looked good that´s a step in the right direction.

It was an honour to have helped her.

Then I remembered how, only minutes before, I had thought of her as just another ordinary old lady. How wrong I had been! The more I get to know people, the more I hear their stories, the more I come to realize there is no such thing as an ordinary person.

Mrs Thompson, thank you for helping me!

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Shirley Conlon forwards another of the calendar months illustrations performed by seniors:

APRIL

"ROCKY," performed by Erwin J. von der Heiden, 80

Catherine Nesbitt shares

THE STORY OF ADAM AND EVE´S DOG

Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us."

And God said, "I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves."

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve. And it was a good animal and God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.

And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."

And God said, "I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, so his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them. And they were comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well."

And God said, "I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration." And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.

And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat´s eyes, they were reminded that they were not the Supreme Beings.

And Adam and Eve learned humility. And they were greatly improved.

And God was pleased. And Dog was happy.

And the Cat ... didn´t give a shit one way or the other.

Kate Brookfield, who is currently sailing to Portugal and has no connection to WIFI, sends this synopsis:

QUALIFICATIONS REQUIRED

What I Want in a Man, Original List - (age 25)

1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 35)

1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 45)

1. Not too ugly (bald head OK)
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 55)

1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't retell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 65)

1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 75)

1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet

Irene Harvalias forwards these

PONDERINGS

Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?

What if my dog only brings back my ball because he thinks I like throwing it?

If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?

Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?

Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn´t it be called double V?

Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and It just takes 75-100 years to fully work.

Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.

The word "swims" upside-down is still "swims".

Intentionally losing a game of rock, paper, scissors is just as hard as trying to win.

100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today, everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.

Your future self is watching you right now through memories.

The doctors who told Stephen Hawking he had two years to live in 1953 are probably dead.

If you replace "W" with "T" in "What, Where and When," you get the answer to each of them.

Many animals probably need glasses, but nobody knows it.

If you rip a hole in a net, there are actually fewer holes in it than there were before.

If 2/2/22 falls on a Tuesday, we´ll just call it "2´s Day" (It does fall on a Tuesday).

One hundred years ago a $20 bill and a $20 gold piece were interchangeable. Either one would buy a new suit, new shoes, and a night on the town. The $20 gold piece will still do that.

SUGGESTED SITES

Barbara Wear sends this video of "Mrs. Hughes" offering the secrets to a long-lasting marriage:

Barbara and Catherine Nesbitt both sent this video of a Volkswagen van backing up at speed. Watch how it was filmed here:

Catherine also forwards this link to a video of the first local herring spawn of 2015 on Denman Island, BC, taken by Carol Hunter. The video records a rare and beautiful experience of watching a magnificent natural event without the disturbance of people and fish boats:

Tom Telfer sends this beautiful compilation of animals and humans showing unconditional love;

Tom also shares this video of cats being funny, cool, and relaxed:

The fight against the Trans-Mountain pipeline goes on. Here is a report of that fight from Alternet, a US online news outlet:

At the Barefoot College in India, illiterate middle-aged women are trained to be solar engineers. Worldwide, they have brought solar expertise to over 750 villages, that´s over 19,000 households that lacked electricity in 19 countries:

Watch this stand-in goalie who had never played pro steal the show with a perfect winning streak:

This video shows 32 of the most unlikely animal relationships:

This site shows how you can "green" your life through Freecycling: