Home  >> Stories  >> The Tale Spinner #2018-42

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IN THIS ISSUE

• Diana Darby of Tennessee writes about a homeless shelter
• We get mail from Carol Dilworth and Jean Sterling
• Irene Harvallis examins male logic
• Catherine Nesbitt forwards some technical advice
• Tom Williamson explains why past times were the good old days
• Sites are suggested by Barbara Wear, Irene Harvalias, and Tony Lewis

SURPRISE AT THE HOMELESS SHELTER

It was dead winter on the plains of Colorado. The temperature was dropping. My body was fighting unforgotten times which had not been the best. I was a homeless female veteran. The roads got long and the shelter space was limited.

My years of homelessness were brutally depressing and my self-esteem was gone, yet each day I tried to make life better. I had served in the U.S. Navy from 1961-1968 as a Hospital Corps Wave during the Vietnam era. But now I was in a town called Lamar, it was extremely cold and I needed shelter.

At the shelter I found, the middle-aged lady and her husband gave me a bed to rest in. They said I could stay as long as I needed. In exchange, I helped with the work of running the shelter. My cooking wasn´t the best but we served a variety of food to 12 to 15 people at each meal. The folks always cleaned their plates so dish washing wasn´t a problem. I enjoyed the household chores.

Some of the homeless folks had pets. One dog had a little backpack strapped on his back. His master fed him every meal before he ate himself. His acts of love for his companion were profound to see.

The husband was a former Vietnam Veteran. He was quiet; the war had left him aloof with his thoughts. He helped the homeless with all their needs, relating well with homeless veterans. He and I made small conversation while I cooked and cleaned for the men, women and children.

His wife was disabled and spent most of her time in a wheelchair. She was quiet, did most of the paperwork for the shelter and read her bible to the children with her kind voice.

She and her husband had also been homeless when they came to this area. They had been homeless 11 years when they arrived in Colorado. They had lived in their car and worked hard to research local politics for federal grants to build this shelter.

It was 1992, the economy was growing and the local businessmen and cattle ranches helped them construct a shelter with 12 beds. Food came from local church groups. People volunteered their time to donate items needed, although we were always short of blankets and milk.

One day the lady and her husband called me to their office, saying they had a surprise for me. I had no idea what it was. They had made arrangements with a local used car dealer so I could have a vehicle to go on with my life - no payments involved. I cried, overwhelmed by their kindness.

That enabled me to work as a nurse in a nursing home in Colorado. These people touched my heart - no one has ever been that giving to me. That was 15 years ago, and I will always remember this couple for making me feel appreciated and for giving me a new start.

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ED. NOTE: I am surprised that veterans are not looked after by the state. If citizens are willing to risk their lives for their country, should they not be protected when they retire? Is this true in every country, or do some make provisions for their retired veterans?

CORRESPONDENCE

Carol Dilworth, referring to an article in last week´s Spinner about lost words, writes: "When any of my pets misbehave, I say (first name) Murgatroyd Dilworth! I´m sure it doesn´t help, but I feel a little more in control of the situation.

"One of my young friends told her mother, and her mother wondered where the word Murgatroyd came from. My little friend, who is very creative, said that Murgatroyd was my middle name! (It isn´t.)"

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Jean Sterling, referring to the new Atlantic crossword puzzles mentioned by Carol Hansen in last week´s issue, writes: "I´m afraid to look at that link - I´m already hooked on crosswords!"

ED. NOTE: I´ve never been interested in crossword puzzles, but am a long-time player of Scrabble. I admit that I often wonder where they come up with some of the words that are okay in Scrabble, especially some of the new words authorized recently. I can see "emoji" and "bitcoin," but "facepalm"? And "listicle"? (A list of items!) Ew! (Another new word.)

Irene Harvalias sends this

GREAT EXAMPLE OF FLAWLESS MALE LOGIC

This is a conversation between a man and a woman. Note that she asks seven questions, which he answers quite simply. But then she is speechless after answering only two questions from him.

Woman: "Do you drink beer"?

Man: "Yes."

Woman: "How many beers a day"

Man: "Usually about three."

Woman: "How much do you pay per beer?"

Man: "$5.00, which includes a tip." (This is where it gets scary!)

Woman: "And how long have you been drinking?"

Man: "About 20 years, I suppose."

Woman: "So a beer costs $5, and you have three beers a day, which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, that would be approximately $5,400, correct?"

Man: "Sounds correct."

Woman: "If in one year you spend $5,400, not accounting for inflation, over the past 20 years that puts your spending at about $108,000, correct?"

Man: "Again, sounds about right."

Woman: "Do you know that if you didn´t drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account, and after accounting for compound interest over the past 20 years, you could have now bought an airplane?"

Man: "Could be true. Do you drink beer?"

Woman: "No."

Man: "So where is your airplane?"

Catherine Nesbitt forwards this story about

TECHNICAL SUPPORT: BOYFRIEND VS. HUSBAND

The young woman who submitted the tech support message below, about her relationship with her husband, presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply that was too good to keep to herself. ? Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed, Desperate

Here is the response:

Dear Desperate,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: I Thought You Loved Me.html, and try to download Tears 6.2. Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta version. Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 as it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.

In addition, please do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. This is an unsupported application and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0.

Tom Williamson forwards this surprising article:

NOSTALGIC MEMORIES

Have you ever wondered why our great-grandparents all had such fond memories of their youth? Well, I´m surprised they remembered anything at all!

Forget Tums and Tylenol. Forget Aleve and Benedryl. Look at the cool stuff they had back then!

"Heroin:" Between 1890 and 1910, Bayer´s Heroin was sold as a non-addictive substitute for morphine. It was also used to treat children with bad coughs.

"Coca Wine," anyone? Metcalf´s Coca Wine was one of a huge variety of wines with cocaine on the market. Everybody used to say that it would make you happy and it would also work as a medicinal treatment.

"Mariani Wine:" Mariani wine (1875) was the most famous Coca wine of its time. Pope Leo XIII used to carry a bottle with him at all times. He awarded Angelo Mariani, the producer, with a Vatican gold medal.

"Maltine" with Coca wine: It was produced by the Maltine Manufacturing Co. of New York. It was suggested that you should take a full glass with or after every meal. Children should only take half a glass.

"Opium for Asthma:" At 40% alcohol plus three grams of opium per tablet, it didn´t cure you ... but you didn´t care.

"Cocaine Tablets" (1900): All stage actors, singers, teachers and preachers had to have them for maximum performance. Great to "smooth" the voice.

"Cocaine Drops for toothache:" Very popular for children in 1885. Not only did they relieve the pain - they made the children very happy!

"Opium for newborns:" I´m sure this would make them sleep well. Not only the opium, but also the 46% alcohol!

It´s no wonder they were called the good old days! From cradle to grave, everyone was STONED!

ED. NOTE: In comparison with the medicinal nostrums mentioned above, the recent legalization of marijuana seems relatively benign!

SUGGESTED SITES

Barbara Wear sends this link to a song by one of her father´s favourite singers, Wilf Carter, who was also known as Montana Slim:

Irene Harvalias shares this link to a video of a smart dog driving a car:

Tony Lewis forwards the URL for a music video written and directed by Barbra Streisand from her new album, Walls:

From the latest Sunday Family Humour, here is an amusing wrestling match:

Ecovative thinks it can use mycelia, the hair-like network of cells that grows in mushrooms, to help build everything from lab-grown meat to 3D-printed organs to biofabricated leather:

Food Not Lawns founder Heather Flores takes us for a tour of some guerrilla gardens and de-lawned sites in Eugene, Oregon: