Home  >> Stories  >> The Tale Spinner #2018-46

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IN THIS ISSUE

• In this Heroic Story, a young girl learns a hard lesson
• Jean Sterling writes about snowbirds in Florida
• Catherine Nesbitt forwards some friendly advice
• Barbara Wear shares humorous comments from flight personnel
• Rafiki tells the story of a perfect dress
• Irene Harvalias pursues the subject of old age
• Tom Telfer sends a story about hearing loss
• Irene Harvalias recommends a website

C. Bakke of California writes about her daughter:

I WANT TO COME HOME

When your child turns 18, it doesn´t mean they´re automatically ready to face the world. Alicia thought she was, however, so near the end of her 19th year she announced she was flying to the East Coast to meet and live with her Internet boyfriend. After all, they´d corresponded for three years, spoken via telephone hundreds of times, and even had web-cam conversations. Ticket in hand, she flew 3,000 miles to Newark, New Jersey.

The relationship lasted three months, about 85 days longer than I guessed it would, and then blew up. One day in September 2006, she got a ride to the Newark Penn Station from a kind-hearted neighbour and then called California. She had two suitcases, $5.00, and a phone card. "Mom, I want to come home."

I told her to sit in the main waiting area, read a magazine, and call back in an hour, giving me time to find a last minute plane ticket back to the West Coast.

Many one-way, last minute "deals" were over a thousand dollars, but I found a more reasonable ticket out of JFK International Airport in New York City. But how to get her from downtown Newark to JFK? Especially on $5.00?

"Go to the Amtrak Information counter," I told her, "and ask if there´s a way I can pay for a train ticket over the phone with my credit card. Then call me back."

Ten minutes later I got a telephone call from another young woman, an employee of Amtrak. Her name was Tyra and she didn´t sound a whole lot older than Alicia. She told me the Amtrak trip would involve a transfer at Grand Central Station in Manhattan. Given the late hour and with Alicia travelling alone, however, the Long Island Railroad would be both faster and safer.

Time to the last train was short and Tyra also said she would walk Alicia over to the counter, try to help her get the right information, and call me back right from there.

Ten minutes after that Tyra called again. "I didn´t want her to miss that last train, so I paid cash for the ticket and got her onboard," she told me. "I also talked to the conductor to make sure he´d help her make her connection. Then I called the people at Jamaica Station to tell them to be on the lookout for her so they could help her get onto the JFK skytrain."

I thanked her profusely, but it was like pulling teeth to get her to tell me her name and address so I could send a cheque to cover the cash she´d taken out of her own purse to assist my child.

There was also another thing I needed to thank Tyra for: giving Alicia a crash course in "Random Acts of Kindness 101." Because that kind of lesson is worth any number of train tickets.

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CORRESPONDENCE

Jean Sterling, referring to the letter to the editor in the last edition, writes:

It seems as if we are getting fewer Canadian snowbirds. A snowbird whom I was friendly with (and whose dog I adopted for many years) said she is not coming down this year as the cost of health insurance is very high. I remember when I got the dog she had fallen and hurt her back. The insurance company sent her a plane ticket so she could have the procedure she needed done in Canada. She was not happy, as her car was in Florida. Her pilot son had to fly down and drive the car back to Canada.

We still get enough snowbirds so that traffic around here gets a bit snarled, though not as many are from Canada.

ED. NOTE: The last time I was in the States, my daughter´s family from Ottawa and I were going to Vermont for a weekend. I bought insurance before we left, and I remember paying $100 a day for four days. It would have been cheaper to have hired a taxi to take me back across the border if I had a medical problem, and to sign into a hospital in Quebec. Fortunately, I remained healthy.

The year I retired from teaching, we had a talk from a retiree who told us his mother had gone to California for a holiday. She got sick, and according to him, it was cheaper to fly her back to B.C. by private plane than it would have been to check her into a hospital. Insurance isn´t cheap!

Catherine Nesbitt forwards this

FRIENDLY ADVICE

I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving. This might save you the cost and embarrassment of being arrested for DUI.

As you know, people have been known to have unexpected brushes with the authorities from time to time, often on the way home after a "social session" with family or friends.

Well, this year, it happened to me. I was out for the evening to a party and had more than several margaritas coupled with a bottle of rather nice red wine. It was held at a great Mexican restaurant. Although relaxed, I still had the common sense to know I was slightly over the limit.

That´s when I did something I´ve never done before ... I took a taxi home. On the way home there was a police roadblock, but since it was a taxi they waved it past and I arrived home safely without incident. These roadblocks can be anywhere and I realized how lucky I was to have chosen to take a taxi.

The real surprise to me was I had never driven a taxi before. I don´t know where I got it, and now that it´s in my garage I don´t know what to do with it.

If you want to borrow it, give me a call.

Barbara Wear sends a collection of quotes from

KULULA AIRLINES

What a pity Kulula doesn´t fly internationally! We could support them, if only for their humour!

On a Kulula flight, there was no assigned seating - you just sat where you wanted to, and passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing their seats, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people, we´re not picking out furniture here! Find a seat and get in it!"

On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we´ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you´re going to leave anything, please make sure it´s something we´d like to have."

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only four ways out of this airplane."

"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo, a flight attendant on a flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because after a landing like that, sure as heck everything has shifted."

From a Kulula employee: "Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and if you don´t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn´t be out in public unsupervised."

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite."

"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we´ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."

"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town. The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what y´all are thinking. I´m here to tell you it wasn´t the airline´s fault, it wasn´t the pilot´s fault, it wasn´t the flight attendant´s fault, it was the asphalt."

Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the flight attendant said, "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the captain taxis what´s left of our airplane to the gate!"

Another flight attendant´s comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had got off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no, Ma´am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"

Rafiki sends the story of

THE PERFECT DRESS

Jennifer´s wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement, not even her parents´ nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best-dressed mother of-the-bride ever!

A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father´s new young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother! Jennifer asked her step mom to exchange it, but she refused.

"Absolutely not. I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I´m wearing it," she replied.

Jennifer told her mother, who graciously said, "Never mind sweetheart. I´ll get another dress. After all, it´s your special day."

A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren´t you going to return the other dress? You really don´t have another occasion where you could wear it."

Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear. I´m wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding."

Irene Harvalias is still on the subject of

OLDER THAN DIRT

1. Candy cigarettes
2. Coffee shops with table-side juke boxes
3. Home milk delivery in glass bottles
4. Party lines on the telephones
5. Newsreels before the movies
6. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning. (Only three channels! If you had a TV!)
7. Pea-shooters
8. Howdy Doody
9. 45 RPM records
10. 78 rpm records
11. Hi-fi records, 33 1/3 rpm
12. Metal ice trays with lever
13. Blue flashbulb
14. Cork popguns
15. Studebakers
16. Wash tub wringers

If you remembered 0-3, you're still young.
If you remembered 3-6, you are getting older.
If you remembered 7-10, don't tell your age.
If you remembered 11-16, you're older than dirt!

Tom Telfer forwards this story about

HEARING LOSS

A man feared his wife wasn´t hearing as well as she used to, and he thought she might need a hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem. The doctor told him about a simple, informal test the husband could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

"Here´s what you do," said the doctor. "Stand about 40 feet away from her, and speak in a normal conversational speaking tone to see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."

That evening, the man´s wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he is in the den. He says to himself, "I´m about 40 feet away. Let´s see what happens."

Then in a normal tone he asks, "Honey, what´s for dinner?"

No response.

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife, and repeats, "Honey, what´s for dinner?"

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what´s for dinner?"

Again no response.

So he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away, and asks again, "Honey, what´s for dinner?"

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what´s for dinner?"

(I just love this)

"Ralph, for THE FIFTH time, it´s chicken!"

SUGGESTED SITES

Irene Harvalias forwards this link to an unusual video of a harmonica being played in Carnegie Hall:

In this TED talk, Michael Green discusses the progress, if any, on the Sustainable Development Goals laid out by the the UN in 2015. He analyzes the data for each country, and offers new ideas on how we can move forward significantly:

Dr. Henry Heimlich, who invented the Heimlich manoeuvere, passed away at the age of 96, after saving more lives than any other person on earth. Check out his story here:

It is now possible to grow leather without raising and killing animals. To read about this project, click on

If you believe that building the Trans Mountain pipeline will affect not only the endangered orcas, but all life on the planet if it results in delaying our efforts to avert climate change, click here: